Minty,
This does require some delicate maneuvering. When I have a POT who wants to meet a few more times before agreeing to BCD, assuming I want to accommodate her, I frame it as the difference between an interview and starting a new role.
Interviews are conducted to allow both sides to see if there is a good fit along several dimensions. In this case, personality, physical, and financial fit are all important. So I will tell her I respect her request to spend a little more time with me to make her confident that this will be good for each of us. And then I tell her that once we are both ready to commit to a formal arrangement, we can each start providing the promised benefits under discussion. I always frame it as a pending mutual decision. Ok you are not ready.. well neither am I.
Now I would never boil that down to no money without sex. But that's the implied intent from the interview context.
This has the advantage of reinforcing your desire for an ongoing relationship, rather than a BnB (Bang n Bail). And so it's the opposite of the hooker chat, which is about instant gratification for instant compensation.
If she agrees, then it's time to frame an acceptable time period to make the mutual decision. I usually will accept up to 3, non-allowance dates (but I pay for date expenses) before I tell her it's time to make a decision. I explain that if we both want date #4 and more, it's time to officially start the arrangement on that date. Just keep in mind that you can always walk away if it isn't progressing, or you think she's just sponging free dinners off you.
We've all heard that a women knows if she will sleep with a guy within the first 5 seconds of their meeting. The follow up time after that decision is just her doing the calculus in how much value she can get from the deal. In the Sugar Bowl, a legit POT already did the 5-second decision when she looked at your profile. If she sees your pics and text and thinks "I would never fuck that guy," she's not likely to message you or return your message. So the rest is just her fine tuning her expectations and obligations for the arrangement. BTW the reverse is true for us. If you see a profile where the POT is just barf-ugly (in your subjective opinion) you move on and never look back.
Life is good
The Cat
Minty, Herb 'sadvice is spot on, as usual. Here's a few more thoughts. the language we use in these negotiations can really have a positive or negative effect on the outcome. Even when different words mean exactly the same thing, the implications can make them land very differently. That's one reason I never say PPM, and if a SB uses that term, I very gently tell them let's call it a Gift Per Visit. PPM implies I'm paying her for a service, which implies prostitution, or paying her for her time, which implies escorting. I never pay my SBs! I give them gifts.
If I'm asked to provide $ before going BCD I tell them that once we begin an arrangement, I am very comfortable providing my SB with a gift of cash every time we get together. But we're not there yet. Right now, we are both deciding if an arrangement is a good fit for us both. That's about as delicate as I can say it, although we all know it means no money without sex!
