You "found" texts on your dad's phone because you decided to violate his trust. Whatever initial text may have popped up on his screen it was you who decided to dig deeper and further violate his privacy.
I know you want to look past that fact and I'm sure you are worried about your dad but the thing to do here is but-out. If I were him I would be very disappointed in what you did.
I hope you can give some advice LG, about how to handle this situation,
Im in my 30's and single,and have been hobbying for 3 years, in those years I have made sure the women I see are high end (from 300-1000)from an agency or independent,with good reviews, who know that this is a business, so I have been having a great time thanks to this board...
Now on to my father, I was using his phone and found texts to a provider, I googled the number and found her ad in backpages and she is a low end provider,
This normally would not bother me, because I know no matter what age, a man has needs, and if this was about physical pleasure, I would be fine with that, but in the texts I have seen, she is always asking for extra money, usually for rent, or something for her kid and I have seen texts where she says he forgot the donation(clearly lying),
I have also seen texts of her asking for drugs, or if my father wants to do drugs,
I know he has a right to privacy, but I just dont want him to get in over his head, I think he formed some kind of attachment to her, and I hope its not more than that,
this woman seems like a user and abuser, and I feel she is taking advantage,
So I was wondering, should I bring up the subject with him, tell him that I think he should stop, that this woman is clearly just using him, and doing things he should not be doing, or just let it go and respect his actions
Right now, this has not affected the family,he is a great family man, but I keep thinking that maybe she might do something despicable like blackmail him, and bleed him of money,
I also hope you might know a way to diffuse this situation, without me actually talking to him about hobbying
You are certainly in a crucible, a double-bind, a "damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't" situation. However, with the risk of sounding callous and insensitive, my advice is NOT to discuss this with your father.
For whatever reason, he has chosen to consort with this specific provider. Unless he has some form of psychosis, dementia or is otherwise under some kind of conservatorship, he has the right to do what he wants with his life - and that includes screwing up bigtime.
This goes beyond the right of privacy; it goes to the core of existential freedom and what we as individuals do with it. Just like she has the right to ask him for money, drugs, favors, etc., he has the right to refuse. If he doesn't, it will be a good learning lesson for him, since, nota bene, no one is too old to learn from the consequences of one's actions and decisions.
On the flip side, if you begin to discuss hobbying with him, he may not only be angry that his privacy has been invaded, he may actually be further impacted by the fact that YOU also hobby. I am guessing that he is born just prior to the baby boom generation, which means that he is NOT going to be exactly comfortable discussing his or your sex life - not with you anyway. And for you to bring up his hobbying without admission of your own - well, that's just "bad faith," i.e. lying to him and to a certain extent to yourself, which isn't exactly being authentic. And relatedly, when you come from a position of superiority [as in having better knowledge and being more sophisticated about the hobby], you may metaphorically seem as overstepping your hierarchical boundaries. Remember, to him, you're a whippersnapper that he once diapered and he is paterfamilias. In addition, if he has shame about his hobbying, he may lash out at you, mostly out of fear and for sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.
If you really want to discuss it with him, then you'll need to lay every card on the table, including yours - why else would you be such an expert on good vs. bad poontang? My advice is don't tamper with the roles and rules of your family system and stay in your corner. Clearly, your Dad brought you up to be a conscientious and caring son, but I'm not so sure this is the most appropriate way of showing it to him.
I guess the apple doesn't fall far away from the tree, huh, The Love Goddess
You "found" texts on your dad's phone because you decided to violate his trust. Whatever initial text may have popped up on his screen it was you who decided to dig deeper and further violate his privacy.
I know you want to look past that fact and I'm sure you are worried about your dad but the thing to do here is but-out. If I were him I would be very disappointed in what you did.
There are a few ways to do subtely this without tipping off what you know or how you found out.
I would bring up the subject generally using as a reason some show on TV maybe (ways are not hard to find)and see if he bites and expresses curiousity. He probably wont but if he does tell him youve heard about internet sites like TER which can provide all sorts of knowledge to this activity. Then just leave the reast to him to research on his own.
If you get no reaction when you raise the subject, be more specific about what youve read. Use Craigs List as a talking point and tell him you got curious after reading about CL and so went lookng..this pretty normal and is what males do(after all you are a male) You found some really interesting info and mention the sites.
He is your Dad and you know him, we dont but I bet he will be all ears when you start talking about this. Let him do the information gathering for himself. He'll figure out what the picture is with his escort acquaintance pretty fast.
It really sounds like someone should step in here and give you dad some guidance. Good luck to you!
You could always purchase a disposable cell phone and have one of your friends call him from it stating that they are with LE investigating the escort he has seen and wanted to know if he had any information. Not that I would ever do anything like that, but it could be interesting to watch. This also works in an escort begins to call all the time wanting funds for whatever reason. Call her from the same cell phone investigating your father for funds misappropriations. She will not call again. (I have done this and it will stop the calls from the lady). Sorry LG, I know this is the "chicken" way, but I do have confrontation issues.
sometimes the chicken way is the best way. life isn't perfect & the darker route needs to be traveled to keep everyone happy and safe.
we don't know your dad, your relationship, the finer details so if confronting him & educating him on finding a better provider does not seem feasible this would be a great solution. much better than my own which was to take him to a FBSM that way the topic comes up naturally while both of you are there.
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