I have been a member of this site for nearly two years and been lucky enough to have shared quality time with 9 well rated and reviewed providers over that period of time.

I have had an excellent time with each and every one of them but fully realize that something very important IS missing from our time spent together.

I fully understand that this is a business. I  purchase a block of time from a woman who probably wouldn't give me a smile or the time of day. I don't fall in love with the companions that I spend time with but do feel a sense of closeness that is better summed up as respect and a friendship.

Now, I am not a nasty looking guy by any stretch of the imagination but not over the top handsome either. I am not terribly out of shape, not young anymore but very experienced and deeply respectful.

My question and my problem being..........

I have the realization of what the session between us is really based on, the money and not her desire, so that when we actually meet, all I can think of is, she is simply doing all of this because I paid for it and not at all because she wants to be here.

I am one of those over the top realists that understand exactly why we are sharing time together and therefore find it difficult to FULLY enjoy the time spent.

Now maybe an individual such as myself who cannot seem to break free of the guilt I feel by forcing another to provide for my personnel sexual pleasure even if it is consensual and paid for knowing that she is there only by monetary force, should NOT continue within this lifestyle.

Sometimes I don't release sexually because it is always in the back of my mind the fact that she is probably looking forward to the two hour time limit to arrive so that it will all be over.

I know that I could show my partner a much better , more confident lover if I could simply relax and put all the negativity out of my head. She is there for me, forcibly or not, so why am I not able to turn on the charm and be myself and enjoy the time that we have together. I know that it would certainly allow for a better session for her as well.

I cant be the only one feeling this way, can I ?

What are your thoughts LG as well as the masses.

Don't flatter yourself, you are not FORCING her to do anything! The word consensual is key here.  You are paying her for her time, she is offering a service and you are taking advantage of that service.  She may in fact, on some level, enjoy spending time with you as she may with many of her other clients.

If you can't enjoy the time because of your hangups about paid sex then I submit that you may in fact be wasting your money. Only you can make that decision of course.

I'm old, I'm fat and I need Viagra to stay hard. I do not however doubt for one second that that the hot little 30-something cutie pie with the bionic mouth that I am paying almost six hundred dollars to spend a few hours with me every few weeks is having the time of her life every time we are together...I know because she tells me so

That's exactly what I'm referring to.

How can someone really enjoy themselves and get off knowing that the person they are with is not, or even worse repulsed by it all.

Its a stumbling block that I find difficult to get by. This could be a tremendous lifestyle turn on if I had a "Who gives a fuck attitude". But I don't, I look too deep into the feelings of all involved.

Damn, maybe this isn't for me after all.

Hmmm, Stuckonthis one,

Here's what stuck out in your posting:

"Now maybe an individual such as myself who cannot seem to break free of the guilt I feel by forcing another to provide for my personnel sexual pleasure even if it is consensual and paid for knowing that she is there only by monetary force, should NOT continue within this lifestyle."

And:

"Sometimes I don't release sexually because it is always in the back of my mind the fact that she is probably looking forward to the two hour time limit to arrive so that it will all be over."

All I can say is that if this is how you sincerely feel, the please stop hobbying. If you sincerely believe that providers are coerced, hate their jobs and want nothing but to get away from the clients, then WHY ON EARTH EVEN BOTHER??

Obviously - and I really mean this - there are prostitutes who suffer, who are coerced and who hate having sex with strangers. But are these the majority of providers on TER? I should think not. For your convenience, I have attached a link to my little study I undertook last year. The obvious question - the difference between engaging in paid vs non-paid sex was not asked, mainly for methodological constraint reasons - but clearly, you can see that these are women who enjoy sex and find it very important in their lives. Do you seriously believe that providers with loads of reviews and a presence on the TER discussion boards really "don't want to be there?" "Forcibly?"

The terminology you use is so tainted with judgment and misplaced guilt that it simply does not make sense. If you were consorting with drug-addicted street prostitutes who were high as kites while you were seeing them, then I could understand. But do you SERIOUSLY believe this is happening when you're meeting with these "9 well- rated providers" and with whom you have "shared quality time?"

My problem with this kind of thinking is that it presupposes that women are incapable of enjoying sex with lots of strangers, and instead need to be in love or emotionally attached to the person in order to have a good time. It puts women in some kind of sexual category that has been dictated by society, and which states that women must invariably be in love with or otherwise be physically attracted to their fuck object, or else they are doing it because they are downtrodden and miserable creatures. "Lifestyle?" Hmm...here's why you need to read my study. The "lifestyle" these women are into are not much different from the average middle- to upper-middle class lifestyle enjoyed by non-providers. These women are your next-door neighbors, not some kind of aberrant creatures living in abject conditions dominated by sexual slavery. They are fully conscious of what they are doing and obviously they do like their jobs, or else they wouldn't be doing them. Because clearly, no one is forcing these overwhelmingly white, college-educated 30-somethings to have sex under any kind of conditions. These women have chosen their paths and they seem to feel good about their choices.

Like I said, if you do, then stop hobbying. If not, then put this whole issue out of your mind and enjoy the fact that there are women out there who are capable of enjoying sex with lots of different men, for money, without coercion or fear.

Hope that helps,
The Love Goddess

Please stop hobbying...

secondly, i had a similar problem when i started. some boundaries were defined and i was allowed a certain latitude so that i could engage a little more emotionally and that helped. the boundaries of the illusion were pushed a bit.

this had some benefits and some risks which i won't rehearse.

now i am finding that the degree of illusion i need to be pleased has decreased to nearly zero. i am playing more happily and am less a strain as a client.

i certainly do not recommend my method to all. it had its positives and negatives. looking back, i see nothing to regret.

i actually find that the "negatives" can be made a positive.

for instance i care enough about how i am perceived by a few favorite ladies that since hobbying i have dropped about 40 pounds by managing my diet and exercising more.

oh i have no illusions about ever sweeping any young thing off her feet, unless it is by force of charm and intellect, LOL!

but i refuse to dwell on the negatives. rather my interaction with my favorite ladies encourages me to make myself as presentable and pleasant as possible.

if you feel so negatively and cannot transmute it into something wholesome, please just stop....

I have been friends with and / or dated a number of providers - they were students, nurses, secretaries, hotel executives and they enjoyed the thrill of meeting someone new as much as I did. It was also delightful to spend time with them off the clock and upright - dinner, theater or even just a walk around the downtown for window shopping.

So get real or get out

MH50

This means you are sane, unlike most of the guys who think the girls are having Big O's. You should feel good about yourself for this realization, not bad. Take the appointment for what it is, make it part of your life, not your life, and leave it behind when the time is up.

Trust me-- the fact you don't think she's in love with you means you're all ready one of the better appointments she's going to have. It's supposed to be a fun experience, if you can't get enjoyment out of it for whatever reason, it's better if you don't do it, but you can come up with an accomodation at some point and still be realistic. You are not alone.

Thank you all for your honesty and help.

Please don't take me wrong, I doubt that I could quit this lifestyle choice that I have made. As you have advised above, if I intend to stay with it, I need to work through my feelings.

It is my own problem. I guess what I really am having a problem with is, if it were all turned around and I were the provider selling MYSELF to someone TWO OR THREE TIMES MY AGE no matter how much I love sex or money, the thought sickens me.

There wouldn't be enough money in their pocket for me to do the job if there were no feelings involved.

and all sorts of other people for a SERVICE that they are pretty much doing JUST FOR THE MONEY.

I've felt like you have too.  I sometimes try to remind myself that I am HELPING a provider by being respectful of her and purchasing her services.

If you are clean, respectfull, and pay-in-full then one of the above or a provider is all the same.  You enjoy their service, they enjoy your money.

You might want to go to a M&G and meet some of the ladies in a social environment where you are not paying them. Talking with them in an environment where you are NOT paying for their time may help you get past your some of your fears about what they are truly feeling about you in your sessions.

Remember too that these ladies are selective about whom they see. If they don't feel you are someone they want to spend time with and have sex with, you are unlikely to get by the screening process. Many of these ladies have have a strongly developed intuition. I have a couple of relationships with escorts that are in the gray area between on and off the clock and I have been told things like, "I could tell just by talking with him on the phone, that was a guy I wasn't going to see." Yes, the money is a factor, but if they didn't want to be there with you they almost certainly wouldn't be.

We are talking, of course, (as was LG) about the independents who can pick and choose who they will see.

If anyone thinks I am being forced to do anything with someone I don't like or respect-WAKE UP! We ALL have a choice to be doing this or not.

I've NEVER been "forced" to see anyone. NEVER.
Most providers are doing this for money but also because they are having fun and truly enjoy sex and love people.  

Don't feel guilty for having fun with a beautiful woman.  She isn't forced to see you.
She isnt forced to take your money or have sex with you.

Could some of these thoughts come from some deep seated negative self image?  I know I deal with this sometimes, but have come to the realization that it's not what your partner and/or provider thinks of you, but what you think of yourself. If they did not want to see you, chances are more likely than not that you would never get to see them the second time.  Don't put yourself on a pedestal, but don't leave yourself in a dungeon either (unless you are into that sort of thing).

You just have a variation of what I call the "Harry Met Sally" Syndrome. Most guys, after they saw Sally (Meg Ryan) fake an orgasm in the deli, with Harry looking on, had a big question mark in their mind. All those fantastic orgasms we thought we had brought our lovers to were now in question. Some of us got over it. Some of us didn't. Some of those of us who got over it did so through, once more, believing that, yes indeed, those were true orgasms. Those of use who didn't, believed that probably none of those past orgasms were real, and we could never be certain if we indeed had succeeded in the future. Then, some of us who did get over it, just figured we would continue to do our best to please our lover, and let the honesty bit fall on her shoulders.

The first two of my examples a what is called black and white thinking. The latter example is where one learns to deal with the ambiguity of the gray area.

I'm not making any pronounces for your situation, but it does seem like you are using black and white thinking, and struggling with the anxiety that can come with dealing with ambiguity. It might be helpful to see if you have the same issue in other areas of your life. If it is a significant way of thinking for you, then the hobby might not bring you much satisfaction in the long term. The only way through the anxiety of the ambiguity is by not needing to know "the truth" about what's going on in the mind of the lady you're with. Good luck!

Even in my personal life with my wife. She is responsible for HER orgasm, not me. I am responsible for MY orgasm not her. if we find that we get there at the same time, which rarely occurs is fine.  But this doesn't happen much any more, she gets off first.
The same with the ladies i have seen. Its no big deal.  Our baggage that we carry in life, especially sex is with us all the time.
If you want to have a good time, STAY IN THE MOMENT.........
Words to a song, Honey love the one your with....

I have met a handful of providers. 80% of them had IQs in the top 2% of women. In plain English, that means they could easily be pursuing some other profession -- they simply choose to be providers because it is the most financially rewarding at that point in time. They do a little math. They say: "Well, I have a degree in engineering. I can make $45 an hour doing that. But I'm also pretty hot and I really enjoy sex and a variety of partners. I can make $300 an hour doing THAT plus meet a lot of interesting people. I can make more money working 10 hours a week than I would make working 40 hours a week as an engineer. This is a no-brainer."

They are providers out of choice.

But now consider this. While my exact details don't apply to you, the general principle does.

I have a lot of skills. I have four science degrees plus degrees in philosophy and (of all things) theology. People from all over the world employ me as an analyst. I write books under my own name, under pseudonyms and as a ghost writer on a variety of topics. I'm also a truly excellent stock clerk, and can bag groceries with the best of them.

I enjoy all of my skills. But why should I bag groceries for $5/hour when I can write a book and get quarterly royalty checks for years or do an analysis or engineering project for $20k? Yes, I do it for money. Were it not for the money, maybe I wouldn't undertake certain projects. But even so, I truly enjoy engineering, analysis and writing. I enjoy them so much, I sometimes do them off the clock.

This same scenario applies to a provider. She likely has a whole host of skills. Humans enjoy employing their skills productively. It gives us a certain joy. And a provider is no different. Being a good provider is both enjoyable for the woman and the exercise of a skill that brings her a certain joy. Sure, she gets paid for it. But it's no different than me getting paid to write something. She can probably bag groceries really well, and might even enjoy it. But she also enjoys being a provider -- and it pays better.

And just like I can turn down certain jobs or projects if I don't like the client or details, she can turn down a particular client or act.

Another thing worth considering is that women look at men differently than men see women. For men it is generally (though not exclusively), about looks, looks, and looks. Women aren't immune to looks, but they aren't as hung up about it as men. So don't project onto a woman your own viewpoint -- it just doesn't work.

You have absolutely nothing to fear.

These ladies are providers out of choice. Most could easily do something else and they have lots of skills and degrees in other fields. They are providers because they genuinely enjoy the profession. Furthermore, they pick and choose their clients. If they picked YOU, it's because they wanted to see you.

Your job as a client is simply to be polite, respectful and clean. And -- don't worry, you're in good hands.

I am not forced to do anything. I am always welcome to walk away, as are you.
Its a business YES and sometimes at first glance I have to adnit I say to myself..."girl what did you get yourself into?"
Yet have also relized over time, and with experience, with most Gentlemen I have met, its a gamble. I am a pretty good judge but have been surprised and even shocked at some of the men who have called me once we meet.
There is almost always something about just about everybody that you can find attractive.
Not everyone is "beautiful" hell I know I am not. Looks are not everything and thats not what Most men are attracted to in me. I have also been with some men who ARE beaytifl on the outside and shallow and nasty on the inside.
I'll take a sweet nice caring Gentlemen over a shallow asswipe any day of the week.
Now thats what I call a beautiful person. AND sometimes its a win win...you meet someone, they are totally hot, and sexy and sensual and it all comes together. But theres always or almost always something you can find in just about everyone thats attractive.
And if NOT and its NOT managable in any way shape or form, and believe me it takes alot for me to walk away, BUT I know I can. I work for myself.
Its a choice to be here.
Then again if its not what I want, I just won't see you again....
Its all good.

Given the right circumstances, every woman here would have sex with every man.   But the money is what causes the encounter to actually happen.

The money is kind of like a catalyst.

If the woman were unwilling to be with you, nothing could change that.

Dude. You are paying for a service. The women are giving a service FOR MONEY! No need getting emotional over this. It's a business. The better reviews the girls get, the more business they'll get. So quit worrying about how she feels. Who cares. You're the one paying.