Question for all of you gents. Have been with my #1 for awhile (>1 year) and generally the relationship,is going good. In my past, all my #1’s mutually ended as they were ready to move on to the next chapter of their life and put their SB ways behind them so never really have had to weigh the decision about knowing when it’s time.  Met someone thru the site recently and really enjoyed our conversation. Everything just generally flowed and was natural. We met the week before last and had an absolutely amazing time. Didn’t go BCD as it was her time of the month but definite chemistry. Met her again this week and another amazing time, this time we did go BCD. Suffice to say we had amazing chemistry all the way through and she definitely has number one potential. The question I have for you more experienced gents is when do you know that it’s time to move on from your #1. My current is one where if I start pulling back on the time, she will know and will most likely be the beginning of the end. I know this is ultimately a call only I can make but would love to hear some of the factors each of you weighed when making the decision to have a new #1. Trying to make sure I’m not suffering from the new shiny toy syndrome

Is it the case in the sugar bowl that you only stick to one at a time?

 
In any case, rules are made to be broken, so see if you can balance both.    It's always nice to have a back up.

I have been getting "most" of my action through the sugar bowl for the last five years or so, and my preferred situation is a rotation of 4-6 different SB's with one, or sometimes two SB's that I see multiple times per week and the others ranging from once a week down to maybe once a month. Usually I do have someone that I guess would have to be my "number one" who I see at least twice a week or more.

 
Back to your question, inevitably all relationships/arrangements come to an end. In my case my favorites tend to last anywhere from several weeks to several months before ending for a myriad of reasons, I don't really stress over the reasons why. Sometimes the ladies simply move on, I have lost a few to jealous BF's, sometimes the sex gets stale and I just get tired of fucking the same girl two or three times every week and start seeing her less and less until we get to the point where we just stop seeing each other.

 
I kind of doubt that your "appetite" is the same as mine and I don't know if by "pulling back on time" if you mean going from seeing her three times a week down to once a week, or if you mean going from once a week to once a month. Either way this is supposed to be fun, see these girls as often as makes you happy and don't worry about giving "equal time" to any of them, Personally I am always vetting new talent, ALWAYS. Even when I have a "full rotation" of 6+ SB's, I know in a matter of days it can be down to just a couple and both of them being unavailable on any given day or night, so I always try to have a few in the pipeline.

It's time to move on when I feel taken for granted, or the excitement of seeing her has faded.  Sometimes that goes the other way too, and she ends it by making repeated excuses as to why we can't get together (yup, never been outright dumped yet, just stalled into moving on).  I always have the NSA conversation early on, where we each understand that when it's over, it's over, irregardless of who makes that decision.  Ideally, I like to have 2 regulars (whether sugar or pro, or a combination thereof), with the occasional new encounter thrown in.   I've been seeing the same 3 sugars now for going on 4 months.  One I've seen 7 times, one 4 times, and one thrice (4 coming up in a few days).  I had thought that normal attrition would have pared that number down by now, but the chemistry still has me excited as heck to see each one of these gals.  By the way, these 3 represent 100% of the class of hopefuls that I met on my last month long SA deep dive, so maybe I'm getting better at picking winners.  

Unless you only want to have one SB at a time.  Nothing wrong with that. It's your money and your dick, put them wherever you want to, as long as all parties consent.  

 
Did you agree to an exclusive arrangement? If so, then you should be honest and transparent with her and either tell her you're choosing to move on, or that you want to drop the exclusivity part of the arrangement.  But if you do have an exclusive arrangement, ask yourself if SHE has honored it.  If you know or strongly believe she has  been seeing other SD's then the conversation is easier. But either way just be straight and let her know; "Hey I'm totally digging us together, and I think you are as well. I'm going to add some more fun to my life and want to let you know I'm going to start seeing another SB for those times when we are not together. I want to let you know now, because we agreed to be open and honest with each other. How do you feel about that?"  Note: important that you say "I'm going to start" and not "I'm thinking about starting". You are not asking her for permission. You are telling her what you have decided for you and she can react however she feels is best for her. If she could offer you valid life coaching, she wouldn't need a Sugar Daddy, would she?  

 
For my arrangements, I never ask for or offer exclusivity.  Mostly, because I feel that if I want to effectively prevent her from earning from any other SD, I need to be willing to cover ALL her financial needs beyond anything she makes through traditional sources (like a job or parents).   And there's no chance in hell I'd do that.  

 
My current Rotation includes 2 in my A-List that I see on alternate weeks (I just don't have the libido that GaGa does - PROPS, dude!), and 3-5 in my B-List from which I see one or two maybe every other month, depending on their schedule (and how short they are on rent money . I supplement my SB BCD's with a K-Girl romp once or twice a month as well. Good times!  

 
Finally, I repeat what GaGa said (as usual) and remind you that no arrangement lasts forever.  For me, I'd say 75% end when the SB decides to go, and the rest when I make the call. But I have NO problem letting an SB know that it's time to part ways. I'm never mean or rude, even when she's done me wrong. I just let her know and wish her well.  

 
BTW: This "be firm, but gentle" approach has resulted in more than one brief reunion-BCD months or even years later. That's how most of my B-List SB's get on the B-List... but that's the stuff of another posting...

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Gents, as always appreciate your insight. I am most definitely not exclusive with my #1 and she is well aware of this. I do spend a large amount of time with her and as such, she is aware that she is #1 in my rotation.  I travel extensively and there is one particular city that I am in all the time, hence why my #1 is located there. The others in my rotation are in other cities that I travel to regularly, just not nearly as much as my main travel city. I have always told her that I only rarely see other people in the same city as her. My new found SB is in the same city as my number one. The genesis around the question (albeit, poorly executed on my part) was really around what judgement you used to move on. I am most definitely going to let my current know what is going on as I’m planning on splitting the time between them and knowing her personality, there’s a likelihood that will end the relationship.  

Unless we have promised each other exclusivity, it has always ended naturally and without drama. It is usually her decision in any case. If I get bonded with her, I am not going to call it off unless she gets too bitchy, greedy, or clingy.  Fortunately, that hasn't happened.  

My favorite SBs are graduate students who do eventually finish and move on to careers, often in a different city that makes it inconvenient because of distance. I think one will be a FWB for life but we won't get together very often because of geography.  A somewhat overlapping set are those or want to settle down with someone permanently. If so, I ask to know of her wedding so that I can send her a wedding gift.  

It doesn't seem from your message that there is any reason for you to pull away from her apart from wanting your "shiny new toy."  If that is all there is, consider how much financial and emotional investment the new "toy" might require to get to your desired degree of closeness, and consider also the possibility that being with your new "toy" might have you regretting letting the old one go. Resuming a relationship with previous #1 after you have gone sniffing at some new p_ssy would probably not be an option.  

If it is fear of commitment, that is fine. However, it goes both ways. Neither of you signed up for a long-term relationship. New gal will know or soon figure out that your ditched her predecessor, and will be reluctant to get close.

for all the usual reasons: moved away, felt guilty about cheating on their BFs, got a better offer elsewhere, whatever.  Or just plain ghosted on me for reasons unknown. But there have been times I've ended things.  One was because it was a two hour drive to see her and she had gained some weight, so I broke it off gently.  Another, well, I just got bored with her and stopped scheduling dates.  She still texts me so that's good.  We're on good terms and it's always great to have backups!  Right now I'm in an unfamiliar spot regarding my sugar dating.  I have a number 1 who is fabulously beautiful and awesome in bed and who seems to truly adore me.  I have decided, reluctantly, and only due to the covid threat, to be exclusive with her, something I've never done before. But.  She is often unavailable for weeks at a time.  In precovid times I would simply have added others to my rotation to fill in when she's unavailable.  But at this point in time I won't do that. I like her so much that I'll probably not dump her for a different SB.  But it's tough.

Personally if I still enjoyed her company I would NOT tell her that her time is being cut by a new SB. I would simply tell her that I can no longer spend as much time with her as I did in the past. Why would you want to rub it in her face that basically you are replacing her with another woman, but that you still want to fuck her, but just "occasionally" instead of all the time?

 
As for your reasons for moving on, who cares why the rest of us move on from our respective SB's? Your reasons are your own and you certainly don't need to justify them to the rest of us. I personally "move on" from the girls in my rotation for all sorts of reasons, not the least of which are boredom of fucking the same girl over and over, of course I am nowhere near mature enough to simply break things off with a SB, I usually just "act out" by contacting her less and less often until it gets to the point where I don't contact her at all. If I wanted to go through the whole "break up" ordeal everytime I dropped, or am dropped by an SB I'd date in the civvie world. Quite frankly I don't need the drama in my life.

Just to be clear I never said "COMPLETE" honesty.  Over-sharing is never a good idea. But what I call "selective honesty" can be a very good strategy when needed.  

 
In the OP's case, I presumed (incorrectly) that he wanted to back out of an exclusive arrangement. Of course my advice was to never go exclusive in the 1st place. But once an arrangement is made and the SD wants to change it, he's better off using selective honesty to do so rather than lying. I'll concede that ghosting, either over time or suddenly, is also a valid approach, as long he doesn't  mind her dropping him completely. But if he wants to have his pie and eat another pie as well, then he will need to give her some rationale that allows her to accept the new terms.  

 
Why don't I outright lie (unless absolutely necessary)?  Frankly, I'm smart enough to know I am NOT smart enough to successfully lie over time.  To lie, you need to make up facts and feelings. The more you lie, the more made up shit you need to create and remember. Ultimately, you will get called out down the road when some real event or statement clashes with your lie(s).  And guess who will miraculously demonstrate perfect memory recall when that clash occurs?  

 
So, although I try very hard to never lie to an SB, I also am very careful to only express my honesty when it will benefit me in some way.  Taking the exclusive angle as an example: I have had many SB's who voluntarily tell me that I am their only SD, even though I never asked her for that. For some, it's rather plausible, as I know their weekly schedules, financial situation, and other related details. For others, I know they are just trying to flatter me and/or avoid looking like a whore.  What they probably don't realize is that I LIKE whores! Either way, I never respond by acknowledging how many other SB's I have, or even if I'm having sex with anyone else. I just say something like, "You are pretty special to me, too."  And that is not a lie, it's the truth.  Any hot woman who will actually fuck me, even for cash, is special to me!  

 
If they specifically ask me (or tell me it's ok) if I see other women (or SB's) I still avoid lying by deflecting: "My brain isn't really designed to juggle multiple women. I'd really rather focus on you."  Also true. I don't like the mental gymnastics needed to remember a myriad of personal details about each SB I see. I do it, and I do it rather well. But I don't LIKE doing it.  

 
I suppose if pressed beyond that deflection, I will tell her I do see other "friends" (I always prefer to NOT call her or others a Sugar Baby to her face, unless she's into that) from time to time, and I'm always careful about mutual testing when I do.  But in 11 years of sugaring, that has never happened.  

 
To sum it all up, be selectively honest when appropriate, try really hard not to lie, and the rest of the time, STFU and stay balls deep.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I was replying to the OP's last sentence in his post above mine where he said;

 
" I am most definitely going to let my current know what is going on as I’m planning on splitting the time between them and knowing her personality, there’s a likelihood that will end the relationship."

 
Correct me if I am wrong, but that is something I could NEVER envision you ever doing, unless asked directly by one of your SB's if you are seeing someone else. I subscribe to the same rulebook as you, I don't "lie" but I certainly don't volunteer information that would only serve to rock the boat.

 
BTW I completely agree (duh) with your post, I just wanted to make sure that you knew I wasn't referring to you in my post.

I am pretty much where you are on exclusivity, but fortunately distance and schedule aren't a problem. We just have to work around her professional school schedule. This is about 2-3 days per week for part of the day and avoiding peak studying/writing assignment periods, which is pretty easy. Even with that, she lives in a group house, and she sometimes likes hotel dates where we spend the afternoon and early evening together, but she keeps the room until check out for a quiet study environment with more privacy and a good desk and desk chair, good wifi, and a nicer bed.  This is the first time that work environment has been an important consideration for hotel choice for play dates.  

If I don't continue with a SB or FWB, it is usually after one or at most two meetings (basically "test dates") because of distance, unreliability (usually with the very young), or just lack of chemistry.  

The one difference in my experience is on her feeling guilty about the cheating on her boyfriend or husband. SBs, FWBs, and even the occasional escort I have sometimes been together with a SO but unhappily married or attached, either because he started seeing other women, lost physical interest in her (amazing in some cases given looks and bedroom enthusiasm), or other resentments. For the ones where one or more of those has been a problem in her real life, cheating on the SO was a feature not a bug. They probably would have been divorced or broken up, but there were always children in the mix. Since this is pretty much the case with me too, it is something that we had in common.  

My current and exclusive SB has no interest in marriage or children, ever; so that isn't an issue. That aspect of her life also helps with scheduling and expectations.

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-- Modified on 11/15/2020 2:59:00 PM

Just proves my latest political theory:  

 
Blue Sates...Red States... irrelevant. We all agree that the most important color is Pussy Pink.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I’ll use a sports analogy. In football we have our #1 QB. , basketball #1 point guard, soccer #1 goaltender, etc.  but in baseball we have 5 starting pitchers.  Opening Day starter is an honor, but his stock value can fall during the season.  
Play your babies like they’re in a pitching rotation.  Don’t worry about #1, everyone needs playing time.  

Except for some of the kinkier SD's I suppose. lol

 

But yes, keeping it in sports terms, the guys that only see a girl once a week, just like football, can have just one #1 QB/SB. Those of us who like to play the game every day, like baseball, need a "starting rotation" along with a few relief pitchers to fill in from time to time, and yes even the number 4 and 5 pitchers in the starting rotation are still starters and get plenty of mound appearances. lol

Mound appearances.... nice. :p  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I like the “mound appearance”.  I don’t want the rubber to be worn out though.  😳

Sounds like your setup with your #1 SB is excellent!  But yeah, I have had several of the most wonderful and hot SBs end things with me due to feeling guilty about cheating on their BFs!  Go figure!  One of these actually contacted me about a year later when she was desperate for $$ to pay a court fine . I asvanced her the $ and let her work off the debt, as I knew she would since she's a woman of her word.  But once the debt was paid she broke it off again citing guilt.  Too bad, she was simply one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. I love your comment that cheating on their SOs was a feature, not a bug, for some of your SBs. I don't think I've ever run into that situation.

Then yes, you're ready to move on, she's not enough.