My question for the love goodess, is am I fooling myself. I find myself in a very serious relationship with a provider who wants to exit the business. I want that as well, but financially she can't swing it yet. Two questions, are providers who have been in the business awhile capable of a real relationship and can they really leave the business.

Uh-oh, walker14,

I was getting a little worried about our statistic-of-the-week; fortunately, here you are, in love with a provider and can't get up (maybe). Just brief responses here:

1. Yes, providers who have been in the business "a while" are capable of "real relationships." There are thousands of providers out there who love their boyfriends, husbands [and children] very much; thus, they are capable of relationships of positive and deeply emotional qualities.

2. Yes, dear, they can really leave the business - if they have an exit strategy. This strategy will often involve

a) Using their own savings/investments to enter into a different business that will sustain their quality of life, whatever it may be

b) Finding someone willing to "buy them out."

Now, it doesn't seem that this would be you, since you are citing the provider as the one who "financially can't swing it yet."

As to your third question, "am I fooling myself," I'd answer it with another question: In what respect? If you are capable emotionally of being in love with someone who has sex with other men for a living, then you can certainly be in a serious relationship with a provider; the fact that she wants to exit the business is irrelevant in this case. In fact, she seems to be very truthful with you - SHE is the one who has to assume responsibility for her exit strategy, and financially, she's not there yet. So it's up to you to decide if you can accept status quo and live with the situation as it is for now. Even if she wants to exit and you "want that as well."

Play the "where will we be in 5 years" game and stick to the rules,
The Love Goddess

..."I've fallen for a provider and I can't get up!"  You can direct the weekly inquirers to the link with the unabridged answer.

my previous posts over the last 18 months on the subject.

Walker,
There is so much you left unsaid!  She wants to retire/exit the business but she can not afford to.  What you are NOT saying is that "I am unwilling/incapable of supporting both of us."

Some providers do have simutanious good relationships and successful providing.  They lead a double life, almost like a split personality...  It is hardest on the other half of the couple...  WE don't like sharing our women.  The thing is those ladies that do this, decide that there are things they won't say or do in a session.  That stays at home.  They'll NERER say the L word with a client.  Some will DFK but will NOT accept erotic lip kissing.  

Providers & former providers abound.  Quite often TER "delists" providers who are in relationships (among other reasons).  Some work their way through school, start another business, save enough to retire on.  In any event, few ladies remain providers into their golden years.  A retirement plan should be out in place, irreguardless of your relationship success.

Best Wishes,
skb

Thanks, no I can provide for both of us, she wants to be able to leave without me being sole support and she is working on that.. I have plenty to offer..

-- Modified on 11/10/2009 4:33:31 PM

I find the concept of buying her out disturbing if not insulting. I can understand that you will need to provide her with the level of comfort that she is accustomed to but realistically she cannot maintain that level past her prime/marketable period as a provider.  Therefore she should have an exit strategy of long term stability by either sound finically planning, investments or who knows what. And yes I know guys, as so many of you have discussed fiscal responsibility for some providers are only buying during a sale.

I have met several who have retired into civilian life with a second career, investments or starting a business. The insulting part to me is if a provider and I were in a relationship which evolved to the point we are discussing long term/marriage plans then I would hope that she would want to leave the business on her own accord and should expect me to help her with a new career. Not have me buy her out like a hostile takeover. So what, if another buyer comes along later that can pay more per share, she will take that offer and leave me.

Yeah I know, this happens anyways regardless of civilian or provider. But that fact of the buyout just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. And smacks of future failure.