you said that she told you her name in the course of relating an experience.
That would seem then that she trusted you enough to tell you, but certainly it wasn't a plan or anything that could possibly cause you any worry...it was just done to relate the experience to you in the course of the discussion.
As others have said, be honored that she trusted you enough to tell you, and keep it to yourself. There doesn't seem to be anything there for you to worry about.
I have been hobbying about 6 years and have seen around 25 ladies and this is the first time a lady have told me her real name. Do I need to worry or did she just feel comfortable enough with me to tell me?
I did not ask her we was just discussing something and in telling her experience she told me her name.
Why the hesitant face? What is there to worry about? So a provider told you her real name - OK. Maybe she found you sweet, or trustworthy? Or just kinda confidence-inspiring?
Who knows. The fact is now you know her real name. I'd keep it to myself and file it away somewhere in the background. Continue to call her by her provider name if you see her again. If she corrects you, then switch to whatever she wants you to call her.
Don't worry - sticks and stones, but names won't hurt anybody The Love Goddess
I hope she didn't get upset with you when she read this. I'm sure it was a situation where she felt she could trust you and this might be considered a borderline untrustworthy act on your part, being lack of discression.
I have been told COUNTLESS 'names'. What do I do with them? Use them sparingly. Whether it was told you mistakingly or purposefully isn't an issue. She knows your name.
Hell I even know names of 'people' i've never met. Trust is a wonderful feeling. DON'T BETRAY IT!!!!
I've had quite a few tell me their real names after a certain level of trust has been achieved.
I think some, but not all, providers find it work to portray this imaginary persona and would rather just be themselves after they've reached a certain level of trust and consider you to be both a friend and a client.
Just remember, it was intended for your ears only. These ladies have enough problems with guys that don't understand boundaries without letting it slip to the wrong person. There have been a few pretty bad cases of that happening on TER in the past.
you said that she told you her name in the course of relating an experience.
That would seem then that she trusted you enough to tell you, but certainly it wasn't a plan or anything that could possibly cause you any worry...it was just done to relate the experience to you in the course of the discussion.
As others have said, be honored that she trusted you enough to tell you, and keep it to yourself. There doesn't seem to be anything there for you to worry about.
Usually at the end of a session, I never ask, I act very nonchalant about it. And I still call them by their stage name. Only my atf, who I've seen for 3 years do I call by her real name.
I have known at least several ladies who use three names. (No way of knowing how common this is without checking the DLs.) They have their "stage name" (dancers and providers) and the name on their driver's license. But they also have another name that they may use in common social situations or even in every-day interactions. As one dancer explained it to me long ago, the guys she meets in clubs and bars or just out doing what we all do every day, can be far more dangerous than the clients. Only her family and close friends knew her real name.
if that was the first time you met, and it was not a multiple hour meeting. My ATF has told me her real name, and I do know it's her real name, but that was after meeting her several times. I've never written it down any place, just committed it to memory, and am super serious in not betraying her trust as I know she is likewise with me.
Even in cases where I absolutely iron-clad know the provider's real name and it has been provided me multiple times even with legal proof (I can't say why such would be provided), I never use it.
I have my own reasons for this.
The question is: Is my behavior in persisting in calling someone by a fake name considered to be rude or insulting?
That's a really good question, johngaltnh, one I've wondered myself.
When my ATF told me her real name (and I know iron-clad as well that it IS her real name), I continued to use her fake name - and she was insulted.
She said that she told me her real name because we did share a friendship, and since she was herself around me, I should use her real name. Made sense. I've been calling her by her real name for years now - using her fake name would seem very strange now.
Several ladies asked me to use their real names, so that I would not make a mistake when we were out in public. Another said never to call her by any name in public. Another said never to use her legal name ever.
of the three ladies whose real names i know i have been "out on the town" with all three.
one of these ladies would frequently be addressed by her real name when we would enter a facility: "good evening Ms X!". so she preferred i use her real name since to address her by her "stage name" would out her. it's a charming paradox that in that instance using the stage name would have been a disaster for her.
If she told you her real name, use it when you're one on one. She told you for a reason, IMO, and that reason is you've "earned" a place amongst a select few of her clients who she trusts with such info, and with whom the using of her stage name lessens the experience for both you and her.
I unexpectedly found out my ATF's real name when I asked her "what she liked to be called" on if to use a short or long version of her stage name. She stunned me by telling me her real first name. Subsequent visits, many months (almost 2 years) and lots of trust back and forth, and true full names, maiden names, family member names, etc., were disclosed. But it took some real time, connection, and a good level of comfort and trust.
If she trusts you with it, IMO, it's because she wants you to use it. But refrain from using it other than one on one situations (not for use in email, text,etc) until she says different. "Sweets", "babe", "honey", "cutey", etc., are all good monickers for "on record" correspondence to her work phone or email address. It wasn't until my ATF gave me her personal (non-work) email address that I used her real name in messaging, and at that point using her stage name was clearly inappropriate. Never use her real or stage name for that matter in other than a "one on one" situation, until she tells you different.
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