LG, I posted the following on the general board and mrfisher suggested I get your input.  I got some good answers that asked about a better mental connection and whether there were any guilt feelings.  Your thoughts...?

The strangest thing.  I've been hobbying on and off for a couple of years now - not too regularly, maybe once a month.  I have seen some incredibly attractive women over that time, but I have to say for the most part, my encounters have been erm... OK.  Certainly not spectacular.

And in no case do I consider it the fault of any of the providers.

I've always been a huge fan of sex (aren't we all?) and finally convinced myself I deserved the odd treat as my domestic situation didn't provide often enough.  So I took the leap, just the odd R&T session to start and then jumped into F/S.  But I can't help but feel a little unfulfilled by my experiences so far, especially given the monetary investment.

During a session, I will often feel surprisingly un-aroused, sometimes even having difficulty maintaining wood (even though I have been careful to choose my "type").  This is certainly not a problem outside the hobby.  And even if I do, my own performance is nowhere near what I would expect at home.

So what gives? Nerves? Just need to find a regular provider to get really comfortable with?

Any thoughts greatly appreciated.  I certainly don't want to retire just yet!

Well, toot69,

Since this is a Web-based board with limited capacities for expression, it's not entirely possible to say if the hobby is or isn't for you. I would need to know much more about your background, your sexual m.o. and your life history to even attempt at making some kind of personalized judgment. Saying this or that definitively wouldn't really be responsible without having talked with you personally.

However, it's fair to say that going to prostitutes to engage in sexual encounters is not for everyone, or else everyone would do it. Of course people on this site are very pro-prostitution and biased toward it; in my travels, however, I come across many men who have absolutely no interest in consorting with paid ladies - for a multitude of reasons.

Being a fan of sex doesn't mean you want to pay to play. Some men get emotionally affected in various ways. Some men cannot accept the idea of paying for something they feel they can get for free; others have thought-out principles against prostitution and its participants on both sides of the fence. There's nothing given that says "I'm a man, therefore I endorse prostitution" - far from it.

It does seem that you have an issue with the monetary aspect. Also, the constraints of the fantasy and the inherent absence of deeper emotions between you and the provider may be affecting you. Some men don't like to know that the provider is just acting out some kind of sexual scripting [even if some of these actresses are great, mind you.] They want to know that the mutuality is 100% there and that the woman in question comes to the party freely and willingly, without the financials involved.

As to the "retire" aspect of it all - well, you'll just have to choose, won't you? Either put in the effort to develop some greater sex with your wife/SO/partner at home and reach the sexual heights you're used to, or continue to gamble with paid sex. Yes, you may have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to the princess, but once you do you may really enjoy yourself. On the other hand, I've never understood men who go to the same woman over and over again; if I were in the hobby, I'd be the biggest variety-seeker on the planet. No ATFs for me, just an endless smorgasboard of hotties, hehe.

My one caveat in all this is that if you are the type who really needs to go condomless, have some kind of attachment and also not have to pay by the hour, eventually you could fall for someone really hard - and then you might end up like some type of sugardaddy and really become helpless when it comes to the dollars and emotions. So in that respect, I believe that guys who have the genetic configuration that enables them to enjoy some serious bed hopping - those are the men who can maximize their enjoyment of the panoply of women out there.

Stop for a while and see what happens,
The Love Goddess

LG/toot69,

I've followed this thread on the general board, because toot's experience was very similar to my own when I entered the hobby.  I was not all that surprised to read some of the responses, including your own, particularly finding an ATF and enjoying that.

However, I was a little surprised read that you don't understand why a man would see the same woman over and over.  You actually gave a few reasons for that in your response, but I'd like to add more for toots' reading, too.

I've seen the same woman for a number of years now.  I didn't like the acting part of the fantasy, and I considered leaving the hobby because of that, until I met her.  She took the time to read me, and our time was very realistic.  I do know she enjoys being with me, even though the financial aspect will always be there.  I still saw other people for a while, but I soon realized that every meeting I compared to hers. I thought, why was I taking chances, when I could have what I want right here?

For me, there's a certain comfort and safety in it.  She knows me very well.  I don't worry about giving my information, taking one for the team, having a bad experience, or a NCNS.  And, she's a hottie. We've developed a friendship as well.

In the most basic terms, it's a mistress without the fear of attachment.  That comfort of someone who knows me, who I am safe with, knowing that she won't ruin my life, is very appealing.

Hopefully that sheds some light on it.  Maybe that's what toot69 is looking for that would settle his anxiety.  Then again, maybe not.

-- Modified on 3/18/2010 5:25:49 AM

I have met clients that I saw regularly and came to truly enjoy my time with. At that point, the acting is gone & instead of thinking, "I'm doing this for money" it becomes a simple gratitude toward him, that someone I like so much is helping me financially as well.

Curious as to how your mental connections have been with these girls if you'd like to share.

BB

Hey Love Goddess,

I go to the same women over and over again. But what is wrong with that? The reason why I do it is because I feel more comfortable with the same person and for me it is just about getting some action and practicing my skills since I rarely get some from the other avenues. Luckily though I don't feel any emotional attachment with the provider. The problem with always meeting new provider is that sometimes I get nervous and sometimes it is risky because they don't provide the true GFE that I am currently already getting. I usually get nervous the first time but after a couple of times I loosen up. And most of all I don't like exploring new locations because sometimes they are hard to find.

But if my reasoning is wrong let me know, I always want to improve myself and any flaw should be fixed.

...you're asking toot!