...if a similar question was asked before.  I tried doing a search but couldn't find anything.

I'm a young guy, only 30, but not exactly in the best shape (230+).  For a long time, I was good for two in an hour, but over the last year, that's gone down to one.  I guess, as they say, it's the quality not quantity that counts.  Knowing I can't get off a second time in an hour, I usually hold out as long as possible.  And since watching a woman get off gets me off, it's worked out to my advantage.  

So the other night I'm with a woman, we're having a great time.  And...I don't know, maybe I held out to long, but she tried to finish me off with a bbbj/hj and I think I got too sensitive and went limp after I had asked for a hat.  In fact, I couldn't even get the hat on.  I don't know, maybe I'm overobsessing about it because I couldn't understand how I couldn't get it up to finish with a astoundingly beautiful naked woman in front of me.  Not being able to finish twice in an hour has happened to me before, but not finishing once has never happened.  Maybe it's normal to go limp from oversensitivity (if that's what it was), but before even ejaculating once?  

What do you think LG?  Am I overanalyzing this because right now I'm feeling like less than a man and if I had money to burn, I'd go back right now and finish what I began no matter how long it took.  

-- Modified on 3/6/2007 8:32:25 AM

No need to apologize, myreality,

Yes, you are probably overanalyzing...from sheer shock and disbelief! All of this is normal, although media and overinflated [mostly male?] egos would have you believe that men are Automated Eveready Stallions, ready to stand guard and pop at the slightest provocation!

The brain is truly a wondrous organ. Believe it or not, the slightest, oddest, weirdest, seemingly most insignificant thing can break a man's concentration and lead to loss of erection. Is it normal to go limp from oversensitivity? Yes. Very. Is it normal to overobsess about it if you're 30 years old and it never really happened before? Yes. Very.

Now as to your frequency of ejaculation, weight and age could have something to do with it. Depending on your height and muscle mass, 230 lbs. could be too much to carry on your frame. Will excess weight affect your sex life? Yes. Most definitely. Your heart and lungs will have to work harder to get going. It is definitely possible that your body is working too hard to keep up with a shorter refractory period. So if you can, try to modify your eating habits, and above all, please try to hit the gym, or even just walk for 20 minutes every day. Hit the stairs at work, chase the dog, run around the block, anything to get your heart muscle into habitual workouts. This is not so you can come twice, this is so you can come happily in your lifetime...for a long time.

As to feeling less like a man, don't even consider it. In fact, judging from the situation, you are like most men on the planet. But please try to use this incident as a wakeup call for getting physically healthy. Secondary diabetes, high BP and their accompanying meds will affect your sex life in a much bigger way than the occasional downer from party hats and holding it in too long.

Don't sweat it, except in the gym,
the Love Goddess

Not to worry.  Its happened to most men from time to time.  Just have fun and don't worry about it.

Have the provider do something sexy while you watch.  In my case she started to get off with a vibrator and after ten minutes or so I got recharged and we were off to the races again.

and toss in a lack of chemistry, condoms, etc.; I find it a chore to maintain wood.  Just the sight of a beautifully naked woman is not enough anymore.  This started happening to me in my 30's.

...for their input.  I don't think you said anything I haven't though myself LoveGoddess.  But like a lot of advice in the world, sometimes you have to hear it bluntly from someone you respect before you become aware of what you already knew.  

You are correct, Karma, just being with a naked women doesn't make the time great.  My initial depression was because this was a well-established provider, with a great reputation for her service and someone who really lived up to the gfe/pse model.  Lack of chemistry was definitely not the problem.  Aside from the ending, or my lack thereof, I have already thought of the session as one of favorites, if not the best one I've ever had.  

-- Modified on 3/6/2007 2:29:54 PM

especially since you consider your prior session "one of your favorites".  Also, when given lemons make lemonade.  

I recently had a horrible session with a very young provider(I know what was I thinking, but the pics were so damn HOT).  But the DATY was great and her orgasm gave me an incredible "Shakti" buzz; lasting several days.  Subsequently, my next two sessions, with different providers, were off the charts.  

-- Modified on 3/6/2007 3:13:30 PM

Believe me, I'm already counting the days till she visits again.  Thanks for the words of wisdom.

I had the same problem, see my topic "Preparing for the date"

Lots of great advice given.

LG,

You mention that being overweight (for your cardiovascular system) can affect your refactory period.

Does being underweight also affect it negatively, or is being skinny (hence having a lower CV load) better for multiple pops?

I would say that depends, Mr Lanky,

How underweight? Emaciated? Malnourished? Or just...lanky? The best way of finding out is to check your BMI [body mass index.] The normal acceptable range of this measurement is 20.1 to 25.0 for men and 18.7 to 23.8 for women. The only exceptions are athletes and body builders, whose extra muscle may tip their BMI over the normal range.

Then there was Roy Walford and his starved rats at UCLA. His repeated experiments with slightly underweight rats showed a longer lifespan. Even Walford himself was a skinny guy who lived a long time until cancer claimed his life.

As to multiple pops, I don't think weight per se has a lot to do with it, unless your personal default setting is multiple pops, and then you gain such a massive amount of weight that your entire system gets out of whack.

It's always a good idea to stay trim and fit, if nothing else to reduce the CV load, as you say. Then again, anorexia seems to be on the rise among younger men. Anorectics have documented health problems in many areas..irregular heart beats, bone loss, kidney issues, etc. So in that sense, I'm not sure that such an unhealthy, emaciated person will have the strength to engage in vigorous sex with multiple pops.

Best to be sensible and reasonable, barring some genetic quirk that prohibits any type of weight gain. Also, chasing multiple pops...what would we call that...chasing the trousersnake?

Yuk, yuk,
the Love Goddess

I just skimmed through the other responses. I just thought I'd comment on your statement of ,"maybe I held off too long". In my 3 yrs of experience as a provider I can tell you this is the number one way that an otherwise normally sexually functioning male can shoot himself in the foot, so to speak. My advice and rule of thumb for hobbyists in this type of situation is generally to go ahead and finish when your body first wants you to so that you know you're not going to miss popping entirely. She will not be upset with you for finishing too quickly, and if you gain a lot of pleasure from bringing her to orgasm, you can always do so orally or manually after you've already gotten your cookies. If you cuddle and rest following the first pop and then try to pleasure her manually and orally after a refractory period, you might actually find that second pop easier to get again. That's the biggest benefit to a fast first pop is that you're much more likely to have enough of a rest in your timeframe to acheive pop number two. Hope that helps!

-- Modified on 3/8/2007 8:12:38 AM

...on seeing a girl, through a pimp.

His brain's well in charge.
That's our organ most large.

That's why he's a man (and no wimp).

-- Modified on 3/10/2007 5:59:17 AM

...and saw her life was a mess.

His thoughts, they did wander.
He became much less fonder.

That's why he stopped his caress.

-----

[Take that, bostongreg, for a fast 'pull your leg'.]

-- Modified on 3/10/2007 6:02:49 AM