LG and others,

I've been told that I'm "cute" by one 'civilian' woman (though in my own mind I still have doubts) and I have a good, regular job and am considered by my bosses as one of their best employees, but...  I'm a guy who has social phobia (check http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html#whatis1 for anyone unaware of it, some of the scenarios listed are rather spot-on... the sixth scenario listed is basically me).

What does this mean?  It means the only contact I ever have with women is when I when I pay them for their company.  I was a virgin into my very late 20s (I'm 31).  I've never had a real girlfriend (the one attempt I made at real dating was completely and utterly pathetic).  I pay women for sex and their company out of extreme loneliness.  I think with escorts I'm not being sized up as a potential mate and the anxiety isn't nearly as much as when I'm around non-escort women.

I guess my reason for posting is to find out if there are others like me lurking around here.  If so, did you try any treatment?  Did it help?  I know I need to see a doctor about it (never have been diagnosed but I know I have it) but worry about being turned into a zombie on prescription medication (as well as worry about just making the initial phone call).  The funny thing there is right now I tend to use alcohol to try and cope with the anxiety which has led to some very serious problems in the past.

While I've had some really nice times with escorts (including off the clock dinner once, which believe me I really appreciated probably more than she knew) I'd like to get to a point where I could make a real attempt at a relationship with someone but I realize there's very little chance of that with the way I am right now.

Thanks for your time,

"NoName098" (alias)

Dear NoName098,

If you have been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder - or rather, SELF-diagnosed - you really need to meet with a psychiatrist to confirm these symptoms and to get a professional diagnosis. Self-medicating with alcohol never solves a problem, it exacerbates it. The argument for alcohol and against therapeutic medications is an old one and some logical facts and discussions of misconceptions in a mental health professional's office will help in changing your attitude. In addition, you could also be experiencing Dysthymic Disorder or Major Depressive Disorder which can and often will lead to further chemical imbalance and a severity of symptoms.

Right now, your issue is not if you should see escorts, it's about dealing with a crippling issue that has the potential to become worse as time goes on. In fact, I would strongly suggest for ANYONE responding to this posting to avoid feeding the escort discussion - even if you think it's being nice and charitable. Therapy and meds are strongly indicated here, first and foremost. Your hypothalamic/amygdalic/neurotransmitter activity in the brain is off balance and that is why you are having these problems. It's not a judgment issue, it's a biochemical problem that needs to be addressed ASAP before it gets worse, particularly with the alcohol consumption in the way.

Please see a psychiatrist and/or psychotherapist for some immediate help,

the Love Goddess

and/or a Psychiatrist. You will likely benefit the most from medication and therapy although the professionals you see will make that determination. You may well feel relieved when you make that phone call. Your goal is very realistic if you get treatment and stick with it!

Good Luck and make that call today

Call a mental health professional ASAP. There are really good medications for social anxiety available.

You have gotten great advice.  Social phobias can respond very well to a careful program of therapy which includes medication along with some behavioral therapy and counseling (though some excellent therapists are not fans of the behavioral therapy).  The fear of being a zombie is understandable, but available medication really can help function rather than interfere with it. Counseling is also important for many reasons which your psychiatrist/therapist can explain. The use of alcohol, as LG has said, actually makes things worse.  The main thing is that you can be very optimistic since the condition is treatable.  Please assure yourself that you deserve better from life than you are getting and you can have better, much better.  

I've been in the same boat.  If you already "know" you need to see a dr about it, then just GO!  Your only regret will be that you didn't do it sooner.

I also have social phobia and as  a result
my only contact with women is escorts. I do see
a therapist and have seen a psychatrist about
meds. I took them for a while but the problem
is the ones for social phobia such as Paxil
cause impotence. They will help in one area but
and eliminate sex drive. So just from personal
experience, avoid these medications if you want
to continue having sex.

and that is that Paxil is not of the latest generation in SSRIs and that other meds may be more appropriate for this particular individual. Everyone is different. Also, some psychiatrists now prescribe SSRIs for premature ejaculation with some success, so the impotence claim is clearly not universal.

THIS IS WHY IT IS MOST IMPORTANT FOR ANYONE EXPERIENCING SYMPTOMS TO SEE A PHYSICIAN, IN THIS CASE A PSYCHIATRIST.

Cannot stress this enough,
the Love Goddess

LG, I have found that SSRI's do work for
premature ejaculation but then create another
problem which is I COULDN'T ejaculate. Providers
seem to get frustrated with this. They definitely
don't like this since they are trying so hard to make you come. I have had these symptoms for many
years. The solution is not medication but a thin
beautiful girlfriend. Since these types of
women reject me, seeing escorts is the only
solution especially for a person with social
phobia. This and of course, seeing a therapist
regularly. And SSRI's are a nightmare to get off of.

Oh I agree about the alcohol thing.  I was not advocating that at all as I know first hand the problems it can bring.  I tend to use it as a crutch when I have ventured out into the world and want to feel like I can be relaxed and "normal".  But I also realize that this is completely not a way to go about things.

I also agree that this isn't really about seeing escorts.  I think I've been able to stay very level-headed about the provider-client relationship even with how desperate for female attention I am.  I know they are there because I've paid them, not because they want to be my girlfriend and I haven't overstepped my bounds as far as that goes.  

That I posted this here I guess was more of a way to post something like this _somewhere_ where I knew I would get an intelligent response at and probably mostly to reinforce what I already knew had to be done.  It's not that I haven't known I need to go seek help, I guess it's mostly my doubts as to whether anything will change even with therapy or medication.  I've been like this ever since I was a very young child.  It's been my existence for as long as I can remember.  Even my parents have told me I was a very quiet baby.  I have memories as a small tyke of being too scared to talk to Santa while other kids would run excitedly at the chance.  What I'm sure my parents hoped was just shyness that I would grow out of has turned into an adult that sometimes never leaves the apartment at all during the weekend if I have enough to eat and drink on-hand.

Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a Livejournal entry so I'll just say thanks for the words and hopefully soon I'll muster enough courage to make the call to get some help with it.  Thanks,

NoName098

-- Modified on 9/3/2008 9:52:06 PM

Play World of Warcraft.

Heh been there, done that with a high end raid guild.  It was a second job.  No thanks!  Done with that stuff for a good long while.

I am a provider and I was on Paxil myself and experienced the same problems you have. That is, I COULD NOT ORGASM! There was no way I could cum, not even with a vibrator.

HOWEVER, after two or three months on the Paxil, my ability to orgasm and enjoy sex because I was turned on RETURNED TO NORMAL. So, there is no reason to go off a medication that works simply because YOU think "Providers don't like this since they are trying so hard to make you cum!" As a provider myself, I would much rather you let me know you probably won't ejaculate because of your meds but your meds are necessary so you can function normally around others and make friends, acquaintences, etc.

Remember, YOUR HEALTH AND WELLNESS ARE NUMBER ONE ABOVE ALL ELSE. EVEN EJACULATION!!!! Everyone reacts differently to everything, especially SSRI medications. There is no reason to hinder your social happiness for lack of ejaculation. Really. And please don't blame it on providers wanting clients to cum. I think most of we providers really want you to lead normal, productive, happy lives where you form social ties and friends and have girlfriends. I know I do!

Love,

Andi

I really believe if he reads your wise compassionate, inspirational post it may change his life.  If Paxil continues to cause problems for a prolonged period of time their are newer SSRI's he can try. That is great that the side effects went away for you and you shared this!
 

-- Modified on 9/19/2008 1:37:32 PM