I don't understand but for around 3-4 days after  I'm very short tempered when she's around.  I have no patience for her!

At least that's my take on it based on an analogous situation I once experienced.

But you should also remind yourself that your wife is real and the escort is fantasy- and few wives can compete with that.  Coming down off that fantasy high might be a difficult adjustment for you to make, especially if things aren't exactly great in your relationship.

For whatever reasons, my experience it just the opposite.  After a visit, my big problems seem more manageable, my small ones unimportant, and all's right with the world in many ways, including my wife who I still love dearly and who has made most of my adult life a pleasure and helped out children become caring, serious  and fun adults.  But she's only human and so am I, and friendly and loving providers occupy an important niche too.  Try getting the outside world to accept or understand that!

How do I reverse it.
I rotate through 4 providers.  One relaxes me and after she leaves all is right with the world.  I'm very at ease.

2nd one fulfills my exotic taste and just is down right fun to be with.  We enjoy each others company and usually she shuts the clock off after an hour and we spend the next 2-3 hours talking in bed, playing scrabble, surfing the net or we just go for a walk.

3rd OMG she is more than 1/2 my age and gives me the world when I'm with her.

4th is a complete knockout and when I leave her I almost feel like crawling out she just rocks my world.

So then how the hell do I go home to a wife who doesn't like to DFK haven't had sex in the last 3 years and just has become a bitter judgmental women who I still deeply love?

The suggestion of stop the hobby is NOT a option!!!

-- Modified on 12/13/2009 6:45:59 AM

Dear wldhrt,

Not knowing the dynamics between you and your spouse makes it difficult to say with certainty why this is happening, however, I believe that there is some serious frustration on your part.

There may be something you're not getting from your spouse. A particular sex act or even just not "enough sex" is the easy part, but there is something deeper underneath. Remember that the one who controls the frequency and activities in sex often controls the entire sexual relationship. If you are sexually frustrated because you're not in control of your sex life, it would stand to reason that you become very irritated with your spouse every time you are reminded of that fact. And, after seeing a provider who allows you almost 100% control [and subsequent sexual satisfaction], it would stand to reason that returning to your spouse reminds you that you are NOT getting what you need from your sexual relationship.

I hope that this does not become an ongoing pattern, because your dissatisfaction with sex could be the tip of the iceberg. There may be additional underlying issues between you and your spouse that become expressed in the restraint of sex. I'm just guessing wildly here, but maybe you are in your 30s-40s - are you going to continue feeling this way for another 20-30 years? That's a long time to get angry with your wife every time after you have some satisfying sex.

Just wondering,
The Love Goddess

It sounds to me like you have a bad marriage.  How you got there and who is to blame is not important anymore.  What is important is deciding if you want to try and save it, end it, or go on in a state of provider-driven denial about how bad things are at home.

I often notice in that I am meanest to those that I feel I have injured in some fashion.

Not one of the pretty sides of my psyche, obviously.

My wife is 9 years older than me.  You ask a particular sex act well how about NO sex act for the last 3 years.  I just started seeing providers about 1 year ago.  We separated at the end of Last January and reconciled 3 months later. We have a great relationship now just NO sex.  She started Menopause and now sex hurts her she is always "DRY".  She doesn't want to DFK because it makes her want to have sex and she knows it will just wind up hurting.  Mid 40's LG.........You are good!!!!

Why do I have to pay 400.00 plus to get the experience I used to get at home.  But it was actually a real experience not fantasy.  Honestly, sometimes I close my eyes and picture my wife under me.

Anger comes from fear. Ask yourself what you are afraid of and, if you can find that, you have your answer.

Are you afraid, as LG suggested, that you're going to have to spend the rest of your life (or hers) with a biter crone?

Are you afraid of getting caught?

Are you afraid that you'll never get a relationship again like you had with your wife?

To paraphrase Freud, follow the fear.

consult with a physician who administers bioidentical hormones and get on DHEA, testosterone, estrogen and progesterone, you're out of luck. Her sex drive WILL NOT come back.

Forget it, martyrdom is not sexy - not even for "love,"
The Love Goddess

Negative on all those options!!!  Time for me to make some decisions I guess.

There is no way to convince a wife to see a physician when she dosen't  see that she has any problem.  I know that is the situation that I'm in.

high levels of testosterone and prominent LH surges to begin with, so when their levels decline due to menopause, it's almost as if sex is a complete non-issue.

On the other hand, there are women who really do care about their appearance and remaining sexually attractive - witness film stars, singers and other assorted celebrities. For these women, bioidentical hormone replacement is a must. And of course, the fringe benefits are that sexual desire is maintained to a certain extent.

My personal crusade in all this that it's not just about making your partner happy - a plethora of studies show that women who maintain an active sex life live healthier lives. Keeping the juices flowing is GOOD for women! Unfortunately the insurance companies rarely support bioidentical hormone management and thus physicians specializing in this type of treatment can charge very high fees.

Personally, I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't dipping into the testosterone pot. It doesn't entirely replace what Nature took away, but it sure gets the show on the road when it counts!

Any mature ladies reading this - it does work,
The Love Goddess

If you can't find a way to address the problems between you and your wife to reduce those fears, then the anger will continue to build until it destroys the relationship.

One big caveat. Don't mistake the feelings you get from a good session as something that can replace what you had with your wife.

I know I am paying for a FANTASY!!!! although some gals are really good at making you feel like you belong to them.  I started to see Agency K girls their a bit more disconnected!

Don't a lot of marriage counselors simply take the wife's side and blame the husband for everything?  Obviously, that's not 100% of them, but if you look at anything the media tell you, it definitely seems to be the case.

No, I_like_escorts,

They don't - not if they are qualified marriage and family therapists. Obviously there are individual differences between therapists, but in general, therapists are expected to remain neutral in a couples conflict.

The "media" likes to simplify and sensationalize everything, including us boring MFT's,
The Love Goddess

My spouse is in her late 30s.  She was very sexually active before we had a child.  Now, she has almost no interest in it at all. We have sex about 3 or 4 times a YEAR, and only when she initiates it. She does not respond to my advances and I've recently quit making them entirely. We otherwise get along very well.

-- Modified on 12/18/2009 8:47:46 PM

I don't think I'm being clear here or people aren't reading!  I love my wife!!! I will never leave her!  I just have certain carnal needs that have to be fulfilled.  We have gone to therapy and are still going!  We are seeing a MFCC who is great and very neutral!

I would suspect that you get angry at your wife as a coping method to help you get past the guilt you feel for betraying her.

So, even though you may say that you resent HAVING to do it, there is most likely a part of your concious which makes you feel guilty for actually doing it.  I mean, let's face it, if our wives don't approve of our extra ciricular activity, we are wrong to engage in it behind their back.  You know this, and probably lash out to help you work up justification in your mind.