A couple of the SA gals asked for a "first date incentive" just to meet & greet (as much as $200). It definitely sounds like a bad idea and I suppose there has been some discussion on this topic before.  
I do have a story to share about this.. but first would be interested to hear any perspectives on this from the elders about the subject.

... was always to have a couple hundred on me if I really enjoyed her company and wanted to move ahead for the next date to be BCD. If she wants to go straight to the bedroom on the first date, I always have a second envelope ready with the additional cash...

I'd say the propensity of them to take the cash and then ghost is pretty high.  

No allowance in advance. No allowance just to watch them drink something.  

 
For certain POT's, I have offered to cover an Uber/Lyft if they say they don't have a car, parking/valet fees if I pick a place that has them, or gas if I ask her to drive a long (say over 30 miles) distance to see me. No more than $30-$40. Plus I pay for the beverages, of course.  My rationale is she should never be out of pocket for direct expenses just to meet me. After all, she is presumably broke...  

 
Be sure to introduce the M&G as an opportunity for EACH of you, not just a preshow for you to see if her tits are real. Try posing it like "a brief opportunity for each of us to see how well we get along. No obligations, no expectations."  You can add something like:  "If we both feel comfortable, then we can discuss what each of us can bring to our  arrangement." I've even gone on to position the M&G more like an interview than a date.  

 
If she insists on getting $200 just to show up, tell her you've been burned too many times and then imply you are ready to move on to someone else (because that is exactly what you will do...).  

 
There is a sister site to SA called WhatsYourPrice (WYP).  The dating model for WYP is guy makes a cash offer for a 1st date, then at the end of the date, decide if you each want a 2nd date.  It was around before SA, and I found a few SB's there (including my 1st), but there were far too many "professional daters" on that site who were lining up 4-8 lunch and dinner dates,  each with a different guy, every week for $100-$250 each date.  They never went BCD and almost never got/had a 2nd date - unless they managed to hook a guy who didn't understand the game and he kept paying $$ to watch her stuff her pie hole with $50 steaks.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I go with a $50 gift card and a nice note. I’m not interested in girls who ask for incentives. They get the $50 gift card whether they ask for something or not. I suppose if I was 4 x wealthier and the chick was 4 x my comfortable rate, maybe 4 X my $50 would make sense. I think go most of us a little gift is the right thing to do.

Take it with a grain of salt as I'm still a noob at the SB thing. I went with one SB for a couple weeks, but then met another and I'm actually in a relationship with her, no SB stuff at all total normal, awesome, relationship.

Anyway, I think if they're asking for $200 up front for just a M&G then they are very short sighted and not looking at the long term situation, meaning Ghosting is def a possibility.

I think if they're truly looking for a SD/SB relationship they need to meet and see if you two click as well.

Only pay for bcd time.

for a girl to either ask for or accept money prior to meeting.  

Of course in every instance, I was immediately blocked.  

LOL - go figure.

No doubt about it.  I've been burned before.  Never again.

I agree with your sense that a "first date incentive" is a bad idea.

I have never provided $ for M&G, and I never provide $ unless it's for BCD. That means I've had some promising girls fizzle on me.

The reason I work that way is because I see SA girls only when I travel. My notice is often short, and even though I travel a great deal, mostly to the same 3 or 4 cities, I seldom have days upon days to schedule a M&G and then a BCD date, plus all the accoutrements such as a nice night out. The courtship is by messaging, not in person. When I contact a girl, I am looking to take her to bed on the first date (a very nice date if she's up for it). I don't have time for her pretense of a chaste "first date" just so she can feel like she's not giving it up "until the second date at least."

If she's down to meet BCD (either explicitly or if I just have a strong sense) I will of course cover her Uber/train whatever to deliver her to me (and then back home). And of course she has no direct expenses when she's with me. Food, drinks, entry fees, trinkets, hotel, etc. is all on me. I tell her she'll be well taken care of when she's with me and committed to a good time for both of us.  

The main cost of this approach is more searching and more messaging. I don't have long periods in any one city to develop one girl. But I just can't stand the idea of handing some girl cash for the sole privilege of sitting with her for coffee or a meal. So if she wants to see me once, and maybe again, she needs to signal her openness to close the deal "if we click," as I say.

Actually 2 stories:
- One gal asked me for a $200 incentive to meet. I said I wouldn't pay for anything in advance.. she said it wasn't an advance but when we meet and seemed surprised that I was not in on this. But I declined anyway and that was the end of it.
- Story 2 is more interesting: One gal appeared to be posting from very close to my neighborhood and seemed to want to meet that evening. I was  interested in her profile, and we agreed to meet briefly at a local restaurant. She only then asked for a $100 incentive.. I told her I don't normally do that; she seemed to really want to meet and said she needed a babysitter .. I reluctantly said OK.
She turns up 30 minutes late (she was not really where she claimed), was not at all the girl in the photo (not unattractive but not really my type) and she is with another girl (saying she didn't feel safe alone). Well.. I figured I had made a deal (even though she wasn't especially honest) and figured I would have a quick bite and be on my way. The two of them ordered practically everything on the menu (!) even though they only ate about half of it. Fortunately no drinks or it would've been a disaster. So another $120...  
I could have gone away angry but it was such a weird and funny conversation about our respective lives and woes. I will chalk it up as an expensive but memorable experience that helped me learn a lesson..
The gal texted me back the next day saying she was interested in more, with her friend if I wanted.. needless to say I won't be going further.

...nor will I pay an incentive at a M&G.  I will of course cover the tab.  Sometimes we'll meet at a Starbucks, but sometimes it's a get together over happy hour, and you can sure learn a lot about her motivation by how much food she orders.  One gal nearly needed a wheel barrow to carry out the leftovers.  Was no big deal at happy hour food prices, but so very telling.  She asked for a contribution too for showing up, and over the course of the following 2 weeks texted asking for help with the rent, help with groceries, and sent pics of a smashed up car that she needed to repair.  There are professional daters and there are sweet gals who will enjoy your company and are DTF.  Sounds like you're learning to tell the difference.

Considering you got played by the girl with a friend, you paid a relatively low price ($220 by my calculation) for what could have been a much more expensive lesson.  The moment she showed up with an unannounced friend,  you had a clear indication of her real intent. And the moment you realized that the person who showed up was not the person in the profile pics, you had an even bigger red flag that you were going to get robbed (and I mean "robbed" literally).  These scammers were counting on you being a "nice guy" (aka simp/fool/chicken/etc.) who would play along rather than instantly call bullshit, cause a scene or just leave. They took you for your "incentive money" plus made you pay a huge dinner check you never agreed to fund. That's all cash out of your pocket that was wasted.  

 
Now she texts you after to see if she can string you along for round 2. She's counting on you being so desperate to get laid that she can take you for all the cash you have and she will never have to deliver BCD. I guarantee you she (and her friend) are doing this several times a week with several guys.

 
This reminds me of two different M&G's I had when I was new to the Sugar Bowl:  
1: My very 1st date through WYP - this was before SA - was with a tiny 20 year old Chinese spinner in San Jose. She was a student at the local community college, living with some friends near campus. She was flat broke, had extremely strict parents in San Francisco who still would not let her "date" and she was very demure and acted rather shy. We agreed on $100 for our dinner date (that's the WYP model - pay cash for the 1st date). I picked her up for dinner, took her to a nice steak house and we started chatting while looking at the menu. When the waiter came back to take our order, this 93 lb. waif ordered the 48 oz. porterhouse steak! Plus three sides! Remember this was my fist ever experience as a POT SD and so this was all new to me. I really didn't know what to expect, but shelling out an extra $65 for the most expensive item on the menu (she didn't drink - so no wine fortunately) was nowhere on my radar of possibilities.  

 
As you might expect, she only ate about 6 bites of the steak and sides before asking for a doggy bag and I realized I had probably just bought her lunch and dinner for the rest of the week.  Now fortunately, this had a happy ending - literally. As we were waiting for the check and the doggy bag, she asked me if I liked hand jobs. I almost did a spit take with my iced tea, but recovered quickly and of course, replied in the affirmative. She offered to give me a HJ in the car for an extra $100 and that's when I knew the Sugar Bowl was where I wanted to be!  

 
2: I arranged a M&G with a hot 18 year old Latina in Modesto (about 80 miles from San Jose). This would be the first of 3 M&Gs I would have in Modesto, and there is a good reason there was never a 4th. But that's the stuff of another post.  We had been messaging by text for about 2 weeks when we finally agreed on a date and time. The deal was a M&G at a local (to her) Starbucks, and if we clicked, off to a hotel for BCD. I reserved a hotel room and made the drive to the Starbucks as planned, texting her along the way with my travel progress.  When I got the Starbucks on time, I told her, grabbed a table and a drink and waited... and waited... and waited.  About 30 minutes later she replied and told me she was "stuck" at her cousins' wedding. She would try to slip away and come see me soon. But had to wait until her Dad wouldn't notice her leaving.  WTF??  Well I was there, and didn't yet realize I was being played and set up. So I agreed to wait.  About 2 hours later she tells me she's on her way. I am delighted because I just KNOW I'm going to enjoy some sweet, innocent 18 year old pussy!  

 
Umm.. .no.  Twenty minutes later, she parks and gets out of the passenger side of the car. Her "cousin" (not the one who was getting married) is the driver and they both meet me at the table.  I really didn't know what to do, so I just played it cool and went along for the ride. They were both sweet, sexy and chatty. She explained that her dad watched her closely and she had to get back soon. Her cousin had come along for "safety" but she was cool, though no hints that the cousin was down for a 3-way BCD.  I tell her I have a room and suggested we complete our date after the wedding. She was somewhat vague but agreed to let me know when she could bail on the party. After about 30 minutes they said they had to get back.  She didn't ask for allowance, but I gave her $40 to show my good faith and said I'd be waiting at the hotel.  So, again, I waited...and waited... and waited. Around 12:30 am I had yet to get a text reply, so I told her I was done and was going home.  I felt like an idiot for letting my little head make all the decisions. But lesson learned. All together I was out around $150 (gas, room, $40 gift) and of course, a full day of time.  

 
Epilogue: She texted me 3 days later and apologized, blaming her dad. She said she really wanted to get together and have fun and she needed $400 for school books for her upcoming 1st semester of college. Still new to the Sugar Bowl but having learned a little,  I agreed to help her - IF - she showed up for BCD. I booked a room in Pleasanton (about half way) for the agreed to date and made the 40 minute drive after work to check in.  Of course she never showed.  So more money and time wasted, but I did get a few more loyalty points on my Holiday Inn account.  

 
These two events were the initial basis of four very important Sugar rules for me:  
1. M&G's should be set for a place that enables quiet discussion, not three-digit dinner checks.  
2. Local, local, local! Never drive more than 30 minutes/miles from your location, unless you will be in that area for other purposes.  
3. No friends of hers allowed at the M&G. That's an almost 100% certainty of a scam, or worse!  
4. Don't book a hotel room in advance, unless you will be using it for other purposes (like a business trip).  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I learned, through similar experiences, to never to book a hotel room for the first meeting.

1. Absolutely!  I NEVER offer dinner, it gets way too expensive.  Lunch at a  nice cafe with good food and ambiance (and no alcohol) allows me to easily tell my date she should order anything she wants.  

2. Local is a good idea, but in my case, and maybe others, local usually means driving 50 miles to "the city". That's where the university and all the college girls are.  

3. I've never had a friend tag along unannounced, but it certainly would trigger my spidey senses. On rare occasions I've had a date ask me if it's ok to bring her friend with her to the m&g.  I generally say yes, but as a rule, those m&gs never happen.

4. I used to book hotel rooms in advance of dates with pro escorts and it generally worked out well. They know that if they flake out and fail to show they are gonna get a really bad review on TER. But that's not the case with SBs so I agree completely; never book a room in advance.  I usually use my RV as the venue for my sugar dating.  The most I'll do is drive the RV to the city.  If a date stands me up I'm out my time, my opportunity cost, and $35 worth of gas.

A couple of points where we "kind of" disagree. I honestly don't mind buying dinner and drinks as a first date. I won't ever pay them to watch them eat it, but I honestly enjoy dinner and drinks with a hot girl and it's rare that any of these girls has a taste in wine where the check will get out of hand, "out of hand" meaning different things to different guys. Personally a dinner/bar tab of a couple of hundred bucks, even if I don't end up getting laid really doesn't bother me as long as she doesn't expect any kind of payment to her for the pleasure of watching her eat/drink it. lol

 

I have to agree with you about distances considering I live in what many would call "Pussy Siberia", I often have to drive well over the fifty miles that you do, but I do try to always have a back up plan or other reasons to make the drive when traveling over 50 miles. Usually I will combine other business I have, maybe a round of golf and a hooker (agencies are great for this) as a back up, and of course I will NEVER book a hotel room in advance of meeting a POT unless I was planning on getting one any how.

I expected you would weigh in on this, since you've often mentioned enjoying dinner with a SB for a first date. If you enjoy it, it's worth the money, simple.  I do envy your ability to have a backup plan. There are no agencies in my city and no independent pros I'd be willing to see either.  And I don't play golf. If I was a bigger jerk than I am I could double book with 2 SBs and cancel one at the last minute.  But that's not me. I enjoy driving and a nice 100 mile round trip for nothing if I get stood up is really no big deal.