As I'm sure is the case for many, I got into this hobby to experience new things. I had what some would call a checklist of things I wanted to try and types of women I wanted to be with. Last year I got to the point where there was nothing new I wanted or needed, yet I have been hobbying more than ever.
I suppose the conflict in my mind is this. I sort of justified my getting into the hobby by telling myself that I was experiencing the things I missed out on after getting married young. Well, now I've done what I set out to do yet I'm still doing it.
While I know this is a question that only I can answer for myself, perhaps someone out there can relate. When is enough enough?
Many thanks!
Dear MidwestBilly,
As you so correctly assumed, only YOU can tell when enough is enough. It depends on what you believe you have had enough of - new women? New technical knowledge? New behaviors?
On the other hand, it seems you are asking about why you continue actions that you don't know why you are doing [if that makes any sense.] So maybe your question is not so much about enough being enough, but something being too much?
And again, only you can tell. If you are in financial or emotional difficulties because of hobbying, then maybe you don't have a handle on the situation and need to stop. If you find yourself neglecting important professional duties, then you may need to cut back or stop.
As to your "justifications," it seems that there is a fair amount of moral quandary in your reasoning. You missed out when you were young and so it's been OK to recoup your lost opportunities, but now that it's been going on for a year and the "justifications" are over with, then why are you still having sex with commercial sex providers?
How about because it feels great, you can afford it, you are a man who enjoys having sex with a variety of women, and it's not hurting anyone in particular? What's wrong with it then?
I'm just asking,
The Love Goddess
I was sure that I would eventually get the urge out of my system.
That was about 35 years ago, and I'm still waiting.
I've been at the hobby about 20 years. I've also mixed in a number of civvie affairs, a few sugar-daddy relationships, and 2 marriages. I'm still married and have no plans to change that.
My hobby participation started out of the need to have a sex life while I was starting a family and my wife was not interested in sex except about 3-5 times per year (yes, per year!) I was seeing several providers and would have 1 - 2 sessions per week for most of those years. Then I started a couple of sugar-daddy arrangements and also mixed in a few civvie affairs. My sex life was really active and I was very happy about that. I also maintained a good relationship with my wife and although it wasn't sexual, we were (and still are) in a loving marriage.
I am now beginning to slow down my hobby activities and have no plans to start an affair or a sugar-daddy relationship. So, the natural question is why?
It's simple. I just don't feel the excitement about doing it like I once did. My contentment at home in an almost sexless marriage has increased and the effort to be careful and not get caught is something that I no longer want to make. For me, the time has come where it's just not exciting and wonderful any longer. I've been with many, many women and had all kinds of wonderful experiences (physically and emotionally) and now I have slowed down my hobby activities very significantly due to the lack of excitement. It's just gotten to be too much of the "same old, same old".
If the drive and excitement is not there for you then that's telling you something I think.
I hobbied a lot 6 years ago, stopped, and didn't look back. I also felt I got what I wanted and slept with gorgeous women.
Sex with SO is very rare - a few times a year. Maybe didn't want to get caught by SO and I was content with other things in life.
Then, a very close relative died. A light-bulb went off in my head - wow! we have such a short time here. For that very reason - it got me going back to hobbying.
Maybe I'll stop at one point. But I guess my coming back to the hobby scene was triggered by the thought of my mortality. Plus I have cash to spare at this point in my life - can't take those to heaven, so I'm payin for a slice of heaven.
When you realize you have to spend 60K a year for your children for college you will stop in a heart beat. Also don't forget about saving for retirement.
Way too many people spend money that they don't have.
And, in fact, I don't have a cent to my name that I control. This includes an IRA. I've neglected professional duties at times. I don't justify any of t his by pointing out that the SO and I have engaged in irresponsible profiligate spending and indebtedness year after year, with precious little justification. The fact is, I would hobby again in exactly the same the same way in a heartbeat. I have come to accept the fact that I'm completely self-centered. And I hope I'm man enough to accept the consequences without making excuses when it's time to pay the piper.