Do you want her to stop being a provider? Or do you want to use her services?

Re: In love with a provider .... Need advice

Welcome to our little here board, mossant1978,

And thank you for keeping our stats up! We usually give out the Hobbyist-Fallen-for-Provider award every month, and this one belongs to you . In all seriousness, however, you are asking the following questions:

1. What's the best way to deal with it?

2. Do I get involved?

3. Do we try to make it our own little fantasy (which she hates talking about, so there's your answer right there...NO!)


The all around answer is to ASK YOURSELF - NOT ANYONE ELSE - if you can handle being in a romantic relationship with a woman who sleeps with other guys for money. Because that, my friend, is the bottom line, pure and simple. Don't sit around and wait for her to quit providing, even though "she is doing it for the money" [that's usually the main reason for why people do it, even though some sex workers discover that there are a whole host of fringe benefits to be had, given the compatible psychological frame of mind]. So unless you've got the big bucks and can buy her out, plan on signing up for this situation long-term. I have no idea if she was taking a break from work when she met you, or if she stopped for a while BECAUSE she met you, but now that is not the case.

Interesting to hear that you "split" and came together again. My educated guess is that you are a young man and she is a young woman? And that this relationship is one of your first more "serious" ones? In any case, as long as your feelings are involved, YOU are involved. Simple as that.

The making of a private fantasy out of her job is going to be very difficult, since one of the hallmarks of providing is compartmentalizing. In many ways it's like acting. When she's on the job, she's someone else. Not to the point of being delusional, of course, but to the point where her more relaxed, non-working self is pushed aside for her 'provider persona,' whoever that may be. She is providing a service and in doing so, acts in ways that the client/hobbyist has contracted with her to do - for money. It's interesting in that sense, because people who are clueless about the profession imagine that it's just about intercourse and nothing else. Far from it [as the sophisticated boys and gals know on this board]. It's about presenting a total package, complete with visual image, speech, emotion, and yes, sexual performance. The client/hobbyist is not renting a vagina - he's buying a "top rated" [in this case, apparently] EXPERIENCE. Conversely, for the provider, it's not just about spreading her legs and taking the money. That's THE LEAST of it. A great provider is a PERFORMER and if she enjoys her work, her ratings will reflect it.

Now, your girlfriend may feel emotionally torn and slightly bitter when she's with you...but I can almost guarantee that if she felt so awful about what she does, she wouldn't be doing it. Of course, there comes a time in each provider's life when hanging up the g-string becomes a fact of life, but if that's the case, it's not because she meets the man of her dreams, but simply because the time has come to do something else. What I am trying to tell you here is that if your girl wants to quit, she won't do it because of you, she'll do it because something inside her is telling her to stop.

As to the frequency of her job, the location, all that stuff - I believe it's immaterial for your decisionmaking process. You just have to ask yourself the basic question in the beginning of my posting.

If you can't take the heat, then really, do get out of the kitchen, even if that cookie smells reeeaaallly gooood,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 9/5/2008 8:42:35 AM

-- Modified on 11/15/2008 10:29:33 AM

IT does happen a lot.  I "love" my ATF, but I know what reality is.  I am with a possible Non-Pro, if there is such a thing.  And even then, while love is ok, and we do love each other (it's not just me); for sanity, compartmentazation (sp) is always required by both parties. Someone once told me, be happy with her, but respect your decision to lead separate lives when you are apart.  Can you do that?????

I asked if she feels bad that we can not be together (serious), and she said that she is happy with the way things are.

The Love G is right, in some situations -- other benefits do occur while providing, if chemistry is correct.  And even if I am the only customer my girl has (I was the first), I still have to pay.

In your case you don't have to pay, but the business is what it is.

Hope this helps.

Then you'll want to do what's best for the lady.

That doesn't mean that you won't desire lots of other things but, if you're truly in love, you'll want most whatever helps her become more who she is. Finding out what you can do to express that love can be difficult and tedious and many, maybe most, people don't have the ability to be honest enough and work hard enough to carry through.

If you really love her, ask yourself what she needs and try to give her that.