New to the sugar bowl and enjoying it. Things have been going great with my first and only SB. This morning, like most mornings, I get the I miss you daddy text and phone call. We have plans to be together the weekend after Valentines Day. I wasn’t sure what to get her for Valentine’s Day, but I was thinking of spending a few $$$.  
I just received a text from SB with a “suggestion” for a VDay gift for her. It’s a small LV bag costing $1800. Again, it’s only a suggestion, but it makes me uncomfortable and think twice about this. Since I’m new to this, I’m wondering how I should handle this. I know every situation is different, but I’d like to get some advice. If you buy your SB an extravagant gift that she asked for, do you count that against your arrangement? At our current ppm, this is a good 5-6 month payday for her if I were to buy it.  
I like this SB and our connection has been great, but I am not going to get myself into a situation that I’m not happy with. Any suggestions on how to proceed? I would like to keep this SB if possible.

This is the other big problem with the sugar world vs pros.  You start to get all the baggage of a relationship.  

I like the idea of giving a SB a small gift for V-Day.  But my price range is $100-$200, not anywhere near $1,800.  I also don't like it when a SB asks for something, especially something expensive.  Good luck!  

There’s no way I give a gift that expensive, but maybe I’m a cheapskate.  I think she’s going to expect that price level, or more, gifts in the future and will be disappointed if she doesn’t.  When I have a long term SB that I’m happy with, I ask her to prepare an Amazon wish list.  That way I can pick what I want to send to her on appropriate occasions.  To me, a gift is a gift, a bonus, and doesn’t count against the arrangement payment.  Good luck.

...and then there are gifts. Gift cards, clothing, $, chocolates, small pieces of jewelry, etc, I expect and even welcome as part of the game. However, gifts that are significantly more than the ppm are a bit excessive. I’m sure she is expecting her usual ppm AND the $1800 gift. I was definitely caught off guard by her gift suggestion.  
I have to think about this. I’m sure I will get hit up again for a big gift for her bday and Christmas. Are there any other big holidays that I’m missing? I’m not cheap, but I’m not a fool either. Adding 5-6k to my bottom line for a few big gifts during the year won’t kill me, but experience tells me once you start giving, they keep expecting more and more. I’d like to let her know that this is a big request, and not something I would ordinarily do.

but people in general and SB's in particular treat you the way you train them to treat you.

 
If she has the gall to "suggest" you buy her an $1,800 Valentines Day gift I am afraid that this ship has already sailed. NONE of my SB's would even dream to ask me for such an extravagant gift because, wait for it, because I have trained them to know that such a suggestion would most likely result in me conveniently losing their number for at least a month until the drugs had worn off. lol

 
My only words of advice that have any chance of working out in your favor would be to "laugh it off" and treat her suggestion as the joke that it is. Something like "very funny lol, can't wait to see you again" and never give her the idea that you EVER considered her "suggestion" as anything more than a joke. I will confess, I doubt my suggestion has any more chance of success than hers, once GPS has set it, it's usually an incurable disease, but if you really like her it "might" work, but I wouldn't bet the farm on it.

When you feel not good about it, it is because your mind tells you this is not right. A friend of mine got burnt by co-signing for a BMW for his SB. Since he knew her for a year, he figured he could trust her...once covid started, she lost her job and disappeared (not responding to any calls). He decided to stop payments, but because she disappeared this became a sticky mess for him and he regret doing it.

You hardly know her and want to gift her $1,800? She clearly felt you don't have any experience and is taking advantage of you. I would ask her if she can see the fine print on your forehead...cause last time I checked, it didn't spell "SUCKER"!  

-SF-

First, no. Absolutely no!  Don't even let her start to think you will even think about thinking about giving her this gift. Even if you ultimately don't give it to her, or hopefully you can "walk her back from the cliff," you've already allowed her to plant the seed of ridiculously expensive gifts as part of your ongoing arrangement.  Bad Daddy! Bad!  

 
Having said that, my general advice is to just avoid romantic or other gift-oriented holidays with your SB's. Just tell them you'll be out of town, or visiting family, etc. Unless both of you agreed when you set up the arrangement (and why the fuck would you?) to include gifts for holidays as part of her allowance, you have no obligation to buy her anything. And having said THAT, there is nothing wrong with Daddy spontaneously deciding to spoil his Baby from time to time. But don't ever set up the expectation that she is entitled to gifts beyond the agreed arrangement.  

 
So, how you you deal with this? Here's what I do to help keep myself out of the trap:  
1. I prepare the discussion landscape early, usually during initial negotiations, that there is a difference between what she WANTS, and what she NEEDS. For example, she may want a LV bag for $1,800, but she only NEEDS a new purse from Target for $45. Or she may want a pair of 30-carat diamond earrings, but she needs a new set of tires on her crappy 2012 Honda CVCC. I let my SB's know that beyond allowance, I might sometimes help her with what she needs, and she can always ask for help if she needs (not wants) to. Note: "Help" does not mean I will pay for all of it. It means I will help.  
2. If I feel like giving a nice gift to my #1, or even #2 or #3 SB (and often I do),  ask them in advance if they need anything for holiday X.  If she's not sure, I may ask her think about it and give me a list of 2-4 items. then  suggest I will look at buying one. This frames the whole process and leaves me in control, as well as blocking any outrageous requests for LV Bags or a new BMW.  
3. Next, I decide what if anything I will get her, and I usually go a little over the implied spend limit so that I get the "Daddy spoiled me points" even though I only spent maybe $150 when she asked for something priced at maybe $80.  
4. Throughout all of these discussions, I use humor to deflect outrageous asks, not defiance or anger. I keep it light and guide her back from the Dark Side of "GPS Greed" to the Light Side of "Ohh, Daddy's going to spoil me! What a nice guy for going beyond our arrangement!"  

 
Note that trying to shop for a women, especially for a "practical" gift is goddamned near impossible to do successfully with her input on what exactly she needs - especially something personal like a purse. So asking them for a list that includes size, color, style, or better yet a link to the item on a merchant website (like Amazon) ensures you get them something THEY picked out. Try to guess and you risk getting her something she doesn't like or can't use.  

 
Last, how you now handle your Bag Lady? (lol.. I like that joke)

 
Guide her back to the NEED track: Tell her something like this:  Babe, I think you'd look amazing with that bag, but it's not really in my budget, especially when  I know you need cash every month for rent/car payment/etc. If you need a new purse, lets go to a place like Target or DSW and I'll get you what you need.  She'll roll her eyes at Target, then accept DSW because it's decent mid-level store for that kind of crap.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

-- Modified on 2/8/2021 4:12:07 PM

It's her getting the baggage, or at least the bag. lol

 
Or rather it's her hoping he has taken sufficient leave of his senses to agree with this.

 
After waiting half the day for my post to air after getting caught up in random moderation I thought a bit about my answer to the OP and I am certain that the only proper reply would indeed be something like "haha, very funny, see you next week" and not even act like you believed in the slightest that she might be serious about her little gift "suggestion"  Hopefully, her response would be something along the lines of "Well, you can't blame a girl for trying" and the OP can put this in his rearview mirror and move on.

I could not pull this off and I don't recommend it but maybe you can make something of it.
.
Buy a LV knockoff for $50. Give it to her. she will likely recognize that it's a fake. YOU fake outrage: "The guy in the mall handbag kiosk (or pop-up store; closed up and left on Feb 15) told me it was real. $1800 down the toilet! Never again! I hate scammers and people who take advantage of my kind, trusting nature and generosity! ..."

Thanks for the support and ass kicking guys lol. I know there are SD’s out there that spoil their babies with extravagant gifts, but I didn’t think this was the norm. I just needed to hear it from the board to be sure I’m not the crazy one.  
As suggested, I made light of the “suggestion”, and reminded her that Daddy has a lot of responsibilities and needs to make sure everyone has what they “need” and is taken care of. I doubt this is the end of ridiculous requests, but at least this one has been squelched for now.

Most of the SBs I've dated are struggling students just trying to get by.  I make it clear from the beginning that I want to help them succeed and achieve their goals. But I've also had occasion to say that I have very strong opinions about managing and spending money.  I didn't get to where I am financially in life by wasting money on frivolous junk.  And I don't support expenditures of that nature.  I prefer exchanging gifts that have real sentimental value.  One SB I dated for about 2 years was crazy about soft fluffy stuffed animals.  So I bought her one for her bd.  She bought me one for my bd!  I named it, and for the next year every time I texted her I let her know how he was doing.  Every trip I took I brought the bunny along and posed him in different backgrounds and sent her a pic.  That kind of gift really does bring you closer to your SB, and costs basically nothing.

I have a SB that I have been seeing for almost a year. Often she has asked for money up front but has always paid off the sugar. She became ill 2 months ago and I haven't seen her. She has invited me over but since the menu would be limited I have declined. Just because I haven't been seeing her hasn't stopped her from making requests for funds. I have let her know my limits on this and she is always so apologetic when asking. I keep a tab and she knows that I do. Despite what I know is generally a fast rule NOT to do that. I haven't been burned by her yet.

Today I sent her some money to her Paypal without any request wishing her a Happy Valentine Day.

To my new SB that I am seeing for the 3rd time tomorrow I am bringing myself and her allowance only.

Don’t give her something like that if she asks. If she has hot friends and is in a pinch, you can maybe offer her extra money to set up a one off threesome or foursome. I’ve had sugar babies try for this but none have come through so far.  Part of that is because of my own pickiness and busy schedule though.  

Especially if she is the type that is appreciative about such gestures, but I NEVER give expensive gifts to entitled women who think it's owed to them.

 
As long as it's my idea, or at least if she lets me "think" it's my idea, I actually enjoy doing nice things for people, especially women who I am sleeping with, but the moment I feel like I am just being conned it robs me of that good feeling I get when doing something nice for another person.