This is an intentionally naive question which was peaked by a comment on this forum a while ago. So I am not clear what the dating part of sugar dating is? I realize there needs to be a veneer of something so it isn't hooking. Especially if it's the bang and bail SBs or the SB with rules, I don't get where the dating bit comes in. Taking them out to dinner or chatting before the deed or after doesn't seem to distinguish SBs from hookers (I've done both before with hookers). So there must be something else that in our minds means we are "dating" a SB. Do we "care" about them, they" care" about us? Seems that caring would abruptly end once the sugar stops. Are we trying to impress them, like as if we were dating in civilian life? When I think of dating it's with the goal of establishing an enduring relationship maybe with love as part of it at the end. Otherwise it's just friends with benefits with sugar attached. Interested in your gents perspective on this. (Hopefully this doesn't come across as a pedantic thread.)  

LAERTES, I'll take your questions as you asked them. Everything below is IF SHE THINKS SHE IS DATING.

 
Do we care about them or them about us? Yes, at least a little. We take an interest in the stuff they want to talk about and how to improve their life situations. They want to fulfill us in some way through affirmation or sex they enjoy offering. Yes, the caring would end abruptly once the sugar stops, as you say, but they will separate that from the present reality.

 
Are we trying to impress them? For me, no. With the emphasis on "trying." Yes, they need to be impressed to be dating, but how hard will we try to impress them? For me, not very hard at all. She either likes me and what I'm offering, or she doesn't. I don't have the energy to "try" to impress her. The "impress" energy needs to come from her, not from me, or it's too much work. She gets to enjoy some idea that I impress her effortlessly, which is true if I impress her.

 
You mentioned an enduring relationship. Therein lies the rub. Dating relationships don't stay the same. They are either on the upswing or downswing. Good dating relationships have a quality of progression. And that is precisely why some of my LT arrangements ended. She wanted to keep progressing further than I wanted. (Requests were marriage, buying a house for her/us, ever more meaningful gifts, etc.) I refused, or she detected my cold feet, and then the dating ended shortly thereafter.  

 
I would add another thing that makes sugaring "dating" for her. She gets to tell her friends about this "great guy" she's seeing. My SBs have been happy, for the most part, to be wined and dined and sometimes museumed. An occasional trip. They pay nothing of course and have great photos for their Instagram of places and situations they could not afford. One girl in the PI used my ipad to take probably forty pics of her in the rooftop pool of my hotel while I sat safely poolside. She was stunning and she really had a knack for getting good pics of herself. Those pics increased her status among her peers.

 
And let's not forget that the most anti-dating thing imaginable is a transaction. If allowance and playtime are properly separated from each other in every possible dimension, she can easily entertain the dating fantasy after the initial negotiation is complete. The instant she allows herself to realize a transaction, it's no longer dating in her mind. Lots of guys here have pointed out that the sex would disappear the minute the allowance went to zero. The SBs have to intentionally forget that if they think they're dating us. (Haha. And let's imagine a girl who believes any of us would continue allowance if she closed her legs to us.)

 
An amazing example: A Chinese girl, older than I usually like, told me flat-out she was not interested in being anybody's "good-time girl." I assured her I wanted to see her frequently. We really did date. I took her everywhere she wanted to go. I showed her off. I treated her gentlemanly. Waiters treated her like my girl. She never failed to spend the night. I never let her catch me slipping her allowance into her purse. She pretty much was my "good time girl" until, more than a year later, I had to refuse her marriage proposal. I am sure she thought of us as dating and courting.

 
Your question is a good one. It's not pedantic. There's more to say, but that's my first take.

 
Rockford

This is dating IF she thinks it's dating and IF you think it's dating.  

 
Yes, all arrangements end. But all dating relationships end as well, either in marriage, a breakup or something else.  

 
And I'll drill down into something Rock pointed out that I believe was not contemplated in your questions. The answers are dependent on what she thinks as well as what he thinks about the relationship.  There are certainly SB's who are ONLY about the money. In my experience those arrangements don't last long - maybe 3 or 4 dates.  But if each party is getting something more than physical/monetary fulfillment, they tend to stay together longer.  

 
I have also had SB's whom despite their initial intentions to not get married (at least not to me) ended up looking for a ring from me.  Those ended more poignantly than others though, as marriage will never be in my plans.  

 
One final observation, if I may. Of all the sugar dating relationships I've had, many remain in contact today. Some are considered a friend (or even an Ex-GF), and some are just cordial past acquaintances.   If we are comparing sugar to escorts, I can tell you I have never stayed in contact with escorts that I have seen if I don't intend to book them again. And I expect they prefer that as well.  

 
Maybe the top-line quick test is this: Does she think of you as a boyfriend or a client?  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

These are all good questions LAERTES I think we all are running in our minds constantly when in an SR. The answer to me is 'all of the above.' There are so many levels of dating, sugaring and love. Those dynamics are always in flux.  

 
For me, SR's are dating relationships that are at their heart transactional. Some would argue all relationships are transactional so I think it's a matter of personal taste and translation. Every person comes to the sugar dynamic with expectations of what they want it to be. Every SR is not the same with the same level of commitment from both sides, and each will sometimes need to compromise their expectations or move on.  

 
At the very least, for me, an SR is a relationship in which both people find one another mutually attractive and care enough about one another to treat one another with mutual respect and kindness, more of a friends with benefits and something a bit extra kind of thing. Some girls bring more affection and caring into the dynamic, while others are more reserved and quiet and don't show a great deal of affection. I try to remain open minded but prefer a more affectionate and outgoing girl that shows appreciation and passion, thus those SR's tend to be longer lasting for me.  

 
Hooking is wham-bam-thank-you-maam with little contact between meets and no expectation of frequency. SR's are more regular meetings with some texting in between, sometimes daily, more often 2-3 times per week of texting and then meeting once every few weeks. But it can be just about anything the participants want it to be.  

 
Establishing an enduring relationship for me is always the intention. Just how far that relationship could go depends on what other relationships each partner is in. Indeed, many SD's are married and keep an SB or SB's on the side as mistresses. Other men, such as The Cat, prefer to stay single and have a bevy of beauties for fun and socializing, bedroom and otherwise.  

 
There's just really no set thing that sugar is or should be other than the preferences of those who engage in it. There are no rules, only that it be mutually beneficial and add to the quality of life of each partner.

With everything being said.  I am dating a SB.  I just happen to be helping her financially.  I'm not paying for attention or sex.  

Sure, most hot women don't want to date a scrub who can't pay for things.  Just like we don't want to date someone far and ugly.  We are allowed to have standards of who we spend time with

I've always thought of Sugar Arrangements as adult relationships between younger women who could use some extra money and older men who have some extra money.  The best ones do not involve possessiveness, or jealousy, nor do they involve escalating expectations on the girl's part.  Since I'm at the older end of the age range for SDs I also think there's a kinky element involved.  I define kink rather broadly, basically kink is any desire or activity that is not mainstream in your culture.  And big age gap relationships are def not mainstream, in fact, most people think they are icky, or at least suspect.  But the girls I chat up and eventually go BCD with actually LOVE the big age gap!  It's as much of a turn on for them as it is for me.  So we are all getting our needs met in various ways.  And observing and respecting each other's boundaries.  Maybe some people would not consider that dating, but I do.  I'm getting my physical and emotional needs met, as well as enjoying being able to advise and mentor occasionally.

I also think there's a huge difference between SBs and hookers.  And by hookers I mean escorts, who I used to date before discovering the Sugar Bowl.  Escorts, in my experience, don't care who they are meeting for a session.  In fact, if they are agency girls, they often don't even know ahead of time who they are going to be meeting.  As long as the client has been vetted, and shows up on time, proffers the agreed amount, and practices good hygiene, they are good to go. And when the hour you paid for is up, you are outa there.

Sugar Babies usually don't behave that way.  They want to feel some genuine chemistry with their men.  I want that chemistry too, so it's a big reason I prefer Sugaring to Escorting.  We get to know each other in very personal ways. Yes, the financial enticement is a crucial part of it.  So call it transactional if you like. But the best Sugar Arrangements do feel more like traditional dating relationships than like hiring a hooker for sex.  It's very subjective I suppose.  But in my own mind I def have dates with my SBs,  not sessions like I used to have with escorts.

Good comments from Sweetman and the other members.
I think sugaring and escorting are two points on the same spectrum and of course dating is on one end of that.
Certainly there are plenty of SBs and SDs who are simply there for a quick fix and aren't thinking about any kind of relationship and that's more akin to escorting. But we're all human and many of us want that connection that is more than just sex.  
What makes sugaring unique for me is that it is dating, but with some boundaries and guardrails that keep up from getting too involved and entangled. Some SDs are married and others are not ready to jump in with both feet, like myself after divorce. In many cases we know we can't have a traditional relationship because of families or age gaps that would never fly on either side. But caring and 'loving' maybe are still worth it. Interestingly, I think money and allowances help establish boundaries. It doens't necessarily mean we can walk away without any pain. But it's a way of saying 'I can't give you all of me so I'm giving you an allowance.' So it can feel like a bf-gf thing where you know you have some limits. I'm in something like that now.. it's hard to know how it will end, but I'm sure it will, and it will be painful, but hopefully not as messy as other relationships.

Ok, not a deep, profound analysis here. Just a quick one-liner that IMO helps define what Sugar Dating is all about. In my past corporate life, I'd call this an elevator pitch:  

 
Sugar dating is alimony insurance.    Or perhaps more broadly:   Sugaring is dating insurance.  

 
Why?  You pay a little bit for each event to avoid paying a lot later if something goes wrong.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Well here's one very typical example.  I was viewed by a nice looking 39yo whose profile stated:
"Please don't waste my time. I know how this works. Dating takes too long! Let's get to the point"
So for her, "dating" implies the normal social dating routine of spending days, weeks, months getting acquainted with someone before you discover if your needs are compatible, be they sexual, financial, or whatever.  With a Sugar Arrangement we typically cut to the chase, meaning we are upfront about our needs and wants right from the start.  Making an arrangement from that starting point might not seem like dating to some.  I still think it is.

I had a long term SB tell me she wanted an escort/john relationship. I agreed but treated her as an escort. Only contacting her when I wanted some adult fun. That didn't last long as she wanted consistency.  
Just recently after 6 months of her being a one and done girl and not offering greek as promised I got very direct with her.  I asked her if she's 1 round because she got too sensitive or is at the price we agreed to?  She then said another round was 100 more. 100 more for greek.   Definitely a hooker . SB illusion is gone.

Hey Sympathy, I know when you mean by "SB illusion is gone." It happened to me last night. There were signs along the way that are clearer now. (I'll save those signs for another post.)

 
First meet. Major east coast city. Agreed to terms easily on the phone. Her overwhelming vibe was she was so glad I was "charming and not weird" and that I took the initiative to call and got the "details" (aka allowance negotiation) out of the way so it didn't have to come up again.  

 
She was early 30s, hot blonde east European. Her sweet spot was dressing elegantly and going to dinner (for normal food not vegan bullshit) for adult fun after. I was feeling so good about this I almost posted here to tell you boys about it!

 
Dinner went great. Great service and food, conversation, flirtation, affection. When we talked travel she told me across the table that she wanted me to "travel to [her] wet pussy tonight."  

 
Then, back at my suite after a hot Uber ride, she asked for her allowance up front. In earlier days I might have agreed. Now I'm much more interested in the SB dating vibe than the hooker vibe. Asking for the cash up front is a very hooker vibe. I calmly told her I'd rather just hand it to her or slip it into her purse before she leaves and I showed her that I had the amount we agreed to. She asked, "Are you serious?" and I said I was. Other than a harumph and stomping her heels, she didn't make another sound and headed to the door. I asked her to wait for me to get her coat and leftovers. Now my only regret is that I didn't keep the wonderful leftovers for myself.

 
Bottom line: Her asking for the allowance up front broke the spell. It was no longer a date. I was the only one who thought it was. My interest was gone.

 
A SB can substitute for a hooker, but a SB acting like a hooker is no substitute for a date.

 
Rockford

What a bummer this date turned out badly, Rockford. She was a hooker masquerading as an SB. We all dread this kind of thing. A real SB would not demand the money upfront. Seems to me she very likely would have cash-dashed you had you done so, for her reaction is a direct indication that was her intention. Good for you that you did not give in to her demand. You handled this perfectly. Let this serve as a reminder to all of us - no money upfront unless you are willing to lose it.

Thank you! Once again you men are so helpful. What was behind me asking was that I have been in a SR with my SB for now 3 years. We have traveled, gone to events and everything in between. It is what I would imagine a civilian relationship could be like. Except......we have our own lives and they are not intertwined. She doesn't meet my friends/family. I don't meet hers. We know what is going on with each other - our victories, defeats, good times, bad times. It's psychologically intimate (and obviously physically too). Yet some things are missing that make me not feel like we are really dating. There will be no future between us - mostly due to big age difference and that she is not a fan of relationships. Men have always disappointed her. She openly says she adores me and loves that I am a true man, but we do not profess love for each other. If this was the civilian world I would happily support her and we would be a couple. I don't believe she would want that constraint, though she would love me to take care of her. So bottom-line, I feel I'm in limbo, sorta feels a bit like dating, and sorta doesn't. Signed, confused in So Cal.  

Sounds like my SB of 5 years who recently ghosted me

Well, my last main SB and I were talking marriage.  So it was possible to head that route.  Even with the age gap.  However, the relationship would not have continued to work.  She began taking advantage of my kindness till I hit a limit.  And her response was less than apologetic.  She went nuclear.

I'm not saying this to dissuade you from wanting a serious relationship with a SB.  Just pointing out that there are landmines in any serious relationship you need to look out for.  Starting as a SD/SB relationship gives the illusion of control.  We can dictate what we want for our money.  When you start to become boyfriend and girlfriend you really see who she is.  Where you would get that faster in normal dating.  And she gets to put more control on how you are early on.  But then again, you are not giving an allowance in civilian dating.

I've been waiting a while to post what really happened in my relationship meltdown last summer.  Mainly because lawyers are now involved.  Yeah, I had to file a lawsuit and restraining order against her.

Yikes! I had one go nuclear on on Friday. Certainly not the sweetie Id seen up to that point.