I am a married man with 3 kids.  We're married for 20 years and I love my wife.  I also have known a provider for 4 years and I love her.  I know I can't take that seriously and I limit how much I see her but I think about her all the time and its not easy to keep my emotions in check.

Any advise, any insights, any other hobbyists have this happening in their life.

Its not a major problem but I needed to get it off my chest and that's the reason I am posting here.  Its totally under control but its sometimes difficult to deal with these feelings.

By the way, the provider has told me that she could easily fall in love with me but doesn't allow herself those emotions because she knows that I'm devoted to my family.

I'm simply looking for comments, observations, etc.

I had a huge crush on a provider that I saw for about the same amount of time as you mention while I was married. (I'm divorced now.)

She eventually got out of the buisness but we continued to see each other every few weeks.

In time the frequency of meetings dropped off and then she moved and rarely returned my calls.  The thing is that I didn't really care after not seeing her after several months.

There is some heartache, to be sure, but there is also a lot of joy in just imagining what could be and of course the anticpation of meeting her.

Look at this as a gift, not a problem and you'll be fine.

(And above all else, don't get caught like yours truly.)

The best way to handle this, midlife crisis?

You already have. You've listened to the provider, who has stated that she "doesn't allow herself those emotions" because she knows that you are "devoted' to your family. Smart provider, she knows what's good for all and sundry.

My question is, could you picture asking your wife the same question you are asking us? You love her. But you also "love" someone else. Why don't you imagine the dialogue between you and your wife in your head, and let it guide your next move. If there should be one, that is.

Good thing it's not a "major problem,"
the Love Goddess

The prospect of having that discussion with my wife has sobered me up.  Imagining that conversation and all the hurt that would follow has clearly stopped my ridiculous and boyish crush dead in its tracks.  You do have a way of getting right to the heart of the matter.  Pun intended.

Thanks.

LG,
I want to clear up some possible confusion.  I was not asking how to handle the situation because there is nothing to handle.  I don't intend on doing anything at all.  My question was "how to handle the emotions".

Your advice suggested an excercise that clearly put the reality back in for me and that does the trick everytime I find myself craving my provider friend.

Sex is so damn powerful.  It can and has, in my case, caused this intense crush but I would never take it further and hurt those around me.  Additionally, she is well aware of the impossibility of it all.

When you play with fire you may get burned.  You helped me extinguish the fire with your suggestion.
Thanks.