I'm pretty satisfied with how things are going in sugar-world, but do get a bit down over the holidays. Mostly because everyone else is celebrating with family. Oddly I don't even care about Xmas but most things are closed and most people are busy. My kids are in far-flung places. I do have one SB I've seen during the break (there's another stringing me along but that's another story).

How are you guys celebrating/coping?

Hi Scaramouche

Overall I've experienced a lot of activity from POTS over the past few holiday weeks, more so than usual. Several of my regulars went out of town for Christmas but I managed one successful BCD with a new one that looks like it will turn into a short term regular, but she's kinda meh so my enthusiasm is somewhat dimmed but I am grateful for her.  

 
Much of the recent activity centered around three highly promising upcoming M&G's and one additional potential BCD. In all cases there were lots of good communication and confirms all around. Result: All four prospects fell through with all four POTS cancelling out, flaking or ghosting. So, more of the same unfortunately, just in slightly higher numbers.  

 
It remains a highly frustrating game for me with far fewer wins than i would like. I suppose this is the same experience for everyone in the bowl who is actively and continuously trying to keep multiple SR's going? All I know is I'm doing the best I can and I get what I get. Can't do no mo'.  

 
I've always struggled with mood management. The holidays make it tougher. The excitement of promising POTS and successful BCD's is dampened by the inevitable let down when things don't work out. [And things don't work out much of the time]  

 
I always have to keep in mind that this is typical in this lifestyle. Life in general is like that, but I think it's especially prevalent in sugar.  

 
Your feelings of loneliness and longing for connection are understandable, Mouche. Often we see others during the holidays coalescing with friends and family and if we are alone it appears we are missing out, and in some ways that is true. But there is also much to be said for solitude and being independent. Both have their values. As in all things, the Middle Way with moderation is the key to happiness.  

 
It's great to hear my fellow SD's success stories as it sounds like many are doing quite well in the sugar world. It gives me hope my own pursuits will be successful but at this point it feels like the glass is half full and there is a hole in the bottom of it.  

 
I cannot for the life of me understand why something that benefits these ladies in so many ways remains so elusive in their seeing enough value in it to at least be more conscientious in pursuing it in any consistent reliable way. I am apparently missing something in my perception of it. I'm guessing it's the age gap?        

 
Happy Holidays!

Thanks for your message bdrm.

It's amazing how much a good SB (or even the prospect of one) can lift one's mood and how much rejection (or ghosting) can dampen it.  
We all have a need for connection and this is as important in some ways as sex. One of the things about this lifestyle is that it's hard to find people to share experiences with, so grateful for forums like this.
As to why we can't find more.. it's a complicated question. Yes age gap is a factor, but we also need to put ourselves in the shoes of the ladies. They have their own dreams and aspirations that are different (maybe their brains are wired differently). Many are looking for "the one" or a dreamy handsome guy who sweeps them off their feet. Some just want some extra cash that gives them more independence. Most of the women I meet -- non-pros and semi-pros -- also struggle with their own mood and mental health issues, and we need to consider that. And many of them think about the stigma  of P4P. I still haven't figured out how some women can appear so willing and enthusiastic before disappearing without a trace...

These feelings are not new, Gents.  We play in a space where we are quite intimate with people who are not typically life-partners, and who are not typically looking for life-time relationships. Compared to the "traditional" modes of human society's family structures, we short circuit the whole process, and do so with no apologies.  

 
Now combine that with the very real impact of our 5 to 7 (or more?) decades of life experiences that we have versus the 2 or perhaps 3 of our Sugar partners and it should be no surprise that SB's might struggle to "fit" sugaring into their world perspectives, which are no doubt still influenced heavily by family/parents, friends, and peers.  In other words, we are old enough to not give a fuck what others think of our lifestyle. But our SB's are generally not.  

 
Now comes the Holiday Season which American/Western World society (and marketing, religion, entertainment, and others) have cast as must-participate family/friend together time and we are trying to shove the proverbial square peg into the proverbial round hole (pun VERY much intended!).  

 
In the past we have discussed the idea of SD's going off the sugar grid for certain holidays, especially Valentine's Day, specifically to avoid this conflict.  This could be especially important for SD's with an SO who is unaware of his Sugaring activity. But in practice, at least for me (without an SO), I make a point of seeing my SB's and even giving small (sometimes large) gifts to them during these times.  

 
As to my specific year-end reflections, here's a summary:  
- I am managing a total of 8 sugar relationships, broken into an A-list of 3 and a B-List of 5.    
- In general, I have a sugar date about once a week.  
- My monthly sugar budget (all-in incl allowance + date costs) is about $2400
- My monthly non-BCD budget (medical tests and meds, site fees, etc.) is about $300

 
Yesterday, I saw my Asian Porn Star SB who absolutely rocked my world. I had her wear this sexy purple see-through lingerie thingy and tease me around my living room for about an hour before we headed under the sheets. Glorious. Before she left, she asked me if I'd like to schedule another 3-way with the Blond Porn Star SB again.  I had just seen the Blond 2 weeks ago, and I think another 3-way is an incredibly good idea! I just need to make sure it fits the budget.  

 
My Latina spinner told me last week that she is pregnant - she had a tryst with her ex and I am snipped - and so I'll have to see how this plays out.  

 
My AA Hip Hop girl is coming back from a month back east on Jan 6. I expect her to be ready for fun on Jan 7.  

 
My Viet spinner just bought a new home. She's certainly going to ask Daddy for help with new-home essentials.  

 
My Japanese MILF SB is always checking in and is essentially on call with 2 days notice  

 
My AA spinner is also on call with 2 days notice  

 
And my newest SB, the 21-year-old Latina Ballerina is meeting me next week for our second BCD.  

 
For me....  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

...Yes.. Connection w/ a woman can bring lot of cheer during the holiday season..  

 
That being said, I have rarely been more than disappointed when arrangements have not worked out. I fully enter in these relationships as something with a very short expiration date. That being said, I can empathize with you.  

 
Try to find happiness elsewhere.. I enjoy traveling, reading, music, trying different foods, sports..  But again, I have not only learned to survive on my own, but thrive..  Never had a relationship more than 3 months..  

 
Hope you find your peace and happiness within you and not in another person..

-- Modified on 12/29/2024 7:28:44 PM

For me, this time of year is usually very busy, but not particularly fraught emotionally.  Probably because I was raised in a non christian home so christmas doesn't mean anything to me.  Nevertheless I had a big dance party, a christmas dinner party, another holiday party, and an anniversary, as well as New Year's, all packed into a very short time frame.  And christmas eve I came down with the flu!

I did not mind cancelling some of those social events, but I def did mind cancelling my date with SB#1!  She's been very sweet about it, checking in on me, etc.  I hope to reschedule with her this week.

SB#2 is my new regular and she's out of state visiting fam over the holidays.  We made sure to get in one date before she left, and I hope to see her when she returns.  

I have 2 others on my B list, both are girls I dated years ago who have returned to SA and I've been seeing each of them every month or so.  No set sched, just whenever we feel like asking for a date.  Great for fill-ins if they are available.

Speaking of returnees, seems like a lot of girls I dated years ago have returned to SA.  And many I had my eye on, or chatted with, who I never actually met, have also returned.  My #2 A-lister is one like that.  And just today I saw a girl who I texted with nearly 2 years ago pop up on SA again so I reached out.  She says she remembers me and seems interested in meeting irl this time around.  Due to the paucity of potential candidate here is Siberia, it's one more reason I maintain my membership continuously and check it often.

I def can relate to the continuing discouragement of chatting up potentials who then disappear/ghost/flake/whatever.  I try to manage my expectations.  Easier said than done, I know. But I do ask for a M&G as soon as it seems reasonable.  It's the best way to find out if there's chemistry that will lead to a BCD date.  And I'm pretty successful at not letting my emotions get too deep until we actually wind up in bed.  After that, I'm probably head over heels!

You make a very valid point SSS.  Somehow each of us must find the inner peace, serenity, satisfaction, whatever you choose to call it, that provides happiness without depending on outside sources.  Having a variety of interests that you find deeply satisfying is def one pathway.  I have a few.  But I've always assumed the best way to find happiness is through long term, growth oriented relationships.  My awesome wife and I just celebrated our 53rd anniversary. As our life partnership has grown, our individual independence has also grown. I'm in a space where I can be fully present with my SBs, and enjoy all the sweet gifts they bring onto my life.  But I try to maintain an attitude of non attachment.

Here's a quote that summarizes the philosophy: In Buddhism, non-attachment is a mental state that involves interacting with our experiences, thoughts, and feelings without trying to control or fixate on them. It means not getting stuck on specific outcomes or clinging too tightly to desires, fears, or self-concepts.

I certainly don't claim to have succeeded completely.  But knowing that non attachment is possible has allowed me to both enjoy the moments more fully, and not get too swept away by emotion when sugar arrangements end.

My main and I are spending NYE together.  A full day after with some amazing sex.  

My Filipina regular spent it with family and her period is on till the weekend so she's spending the night on Saturday.

My other Asian SB is out of town.

Picked up a MILF who wants to be a regular but her daughter is home from school and her mom is visiting.  So she can't see me till after she goes back to school.

My AA B roll has family in town but texts me nudes everyday to show how much she misses me.

Average this time is that girls are with family but need cash for presents.  So depending on how they shop ahead of time.  It's also expensive for me since I buy a lot of gifts so cutting back on the $$$ support balances out.  And gives my dick a break.