Hiya -

So I happen to be a guy who blows loads that are intense, voluminous, viscous, and quite uncontrollable.  I'm serious here.  When I watch porn, I am often disappointed at the minor oozing I see from guys.  I think to myself, "this guy's a porn star?"  Pathetic.  

To put it into more perspective, I wack off once a week, and when I do it has to be on a weekend because the next day I get a slight weakness in my lower back and the night of I sleep like 11 hours straight.  I can't do it on a weekday since it will affect my work performance the next day, being tired and all.  But then again, I am pretty sleep deprived to begin with.

When I blow, I have to keep my eyes closed and I consider myself lucky if flies up and hits my neck or chin or lands on my shirt because then I'd know where to clean it up.  Otherwise, only St. Peter knows it where it landed and then I have to search for 20 minutes to see where I need to steam clean the carpet.  

I dunno, maybe you think this is weird, but this is the only place I can talk to anyone about this.  I've considered talking to my doctor about it, but I'm just too self conscious.  I don't think this an STD or anything because it's pretty much always been this way and also I'm not really that sexually experienced.  I mentioned it to a friend once and he didn't take me seriously at first, so I left it at that.

So that is what it is.  The relevance to this board is twofold: First, how do I warn providers about this?  It feels a little weird having to give a "heads up" (pun intended) to her when she gets on her knees for a BBBJ.  But the last thing I want on my conscience is someone losing an eye or choking on my essence.  The other thing I am concerned about is staying true to the whole ethos of "don't leave a trace".  My load might very well end up somewhere on a provider incall's bedspread or lampshade.  A stained dress is a lesser concern.   Call me a control freak fascist, but I'd like to keep tabs on the whereabouts of my DNA.

thanx