How many of us fantasize that our session was so good that our provider wants to fuck us off the clock? (Directed towards my brothers)

Or is this just a natural form of the male ego needing some form of gratification? (Directed to the LG!).

How often do providers want us remembering them for reasons other than "repeat business"? (Directed to both my brothers and the LG).

I bring this up because I find myself resonating with the remembrance of particularly sensuous sessions.  I've had a provider joke, after a really deep, surrendering session, that she wanted to be my girlfriend.  Of course I laughed it off, but the ego loves to run with a fantasy!  I'll usually send a thank you e-mail for the gift a provider has bestowed upon our session.  The response is always positive, but short and in the "I had a great time too, hun" or "You're the best".  Which I acknowledge as polite and businesslike.  My ego does get a little bruised, and it's not until I put it into context:  "It's a business"; "She doesn't really know me from "Adam";   "It's a fine line between encouraging repeat business and creating a stalker"; "By the time I get home and compose an e-mail, she's already seen 5 more penis's", that I am able to truly observe the dynamics of the neediness of my ego beyond just the physical gratification of being with a provider.  This is a delicious ride that allows for some serious self-introspection. Just curious if any of my brothers have similar hang-ups.

Peace.

Hello, karmaexpress,

You ask "How often do providers want us remembering them for reasons other than "repeat business"?

Couldn't we then ask the question, "how many women want us remembering them for other than just sex?" One of the worst things you can do to a woman is probably just dismiss her as a purely physical being. There is a real need on the part of mentally sound women to be liked and appreciated, since women's brains are primed for social connections. So yes, I believe that you'll find that same desire with women all over, providers or not.

I think women in general - and men too - like to be remembered and thought of as more than just a number in a business relationship. Many a times I've encountered sales reps in my life and often thought, 'this profession demands a certain kind of 'likeability;' a charm and a lightness of being.' Now whether that's the true nature of the person himself/herself or just a veneer, can surely be debated; still, you can have two people selling the same thing, and the client will invariably choose the rep who is 'nicer,' and more 'personable.'

So, I think there is a real concern among those in the "people business" to make a good impression and to be liked. Now, among providers, the stakes are very, very high, in that a successful provider is not just selling her genitals, she's selling her entire persona. So in one sense, she has to be very concerned with being liked for a lot more than just "repeat business."

And by the same token, as you so astutely point out, you can get a business-like response because the provider, by virtue of her profession, has to create some distance between her clients and her private life - simply because it's sane to do so.

Now, I believe that the desire to be appreciated for something other than just "repeat business" also has to do with the beholder. In other words, if the provider respects the client and also has a cerebral and mentally stimulating relationship with him, then yes, she will probably appreciate being remembered for being a sharp cookie and someone interesting way beyond her sexual persona. The issue is that she may still need to "modulate" her appreciation, particularly if the client is unattached, or if she imagines - right or wrong - a desire on the part of the client to go beyond the stipulated arrangement if she lets her appreciation be known to him.

It appears that this has become my mantra: "Providers Walk a Fine Line." In this case, it's between externalizing versus internalizing their emotions. A provider may feel flattered that a socially respected client validates her being beyond the sexual activity; at the same time, she still has to let him into her body, and yes, let him treat her like a full-on sex object if he so chooses. She may state to him that she really appreciates his approbation, but in most cases, she will probably just internalize it and make him one of her favorite, respected clients - without him knowing her in-depth feelings. If she knows her boundaries, she will not encourage him to go beyond the business arrangement, and yet, she may tell others in the biz [or her therapist!] how nice the client is and how much she enjoys his company.

As to the question "is this just a natural form of the male ego needing some form of gratification," with the risk of being stereotypical in my answer - PROBABLY. On the other hand, if women clients visited with male providers, they would probably want more of that feeling IN SPADES. Again, women are more concerned with social connections and the emotions attached thereto. Again, stereotypically speaking, when male gigolos have been interviewed, they all state the same thing: it's less about the sex act and all about providing a feeling of 'being special' to their female clients. So you can just imagine how important it is to those women to fantasize that these men are wildly passionate and in love with them!

It is actually interesting to see that many men don't care one whit about what the provider is thinking at all. These men do not engage in analyzing their feelings once the sex act is completed. They want to focus on other things, their "real life," their family, even their wife. They don't send Thank You notes, they don't bother writing reviews, they just go on without much thought toward the event whatsoever. Maybe the desire for some emotional feedback is a function of being single or profoundly dissatisfied in a marriage? Maybe if you asked that same question of hobbyists who state that they are happily married, you might get a completely different answer.

So what do the brothers say,
the Love Goddess




-- Modified on 2/9/2007 11:37:33 PM

"imagine how important it is to those women to fantasize that these men are wildly passionate and in love with them!"....?

For both the provider and the client?  I often marvel, upon reflection, on how compassionate and Zen-like many of these providers are to surrender into the fantasy of strangers that walk through their door.  Each client seeing a GFE provider is expecting to be swept away in a deep, whirlwind experience.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes a good, physical fuck is the ticket.  But, the sessions that resonate long afterwards are the sensual, surrendering of reality that makes life such an interesting journey.  Because ultimately, if I get deep enough within my introspection and explore the fantasy out into what it's likely conclusion would be, I run for the hills (back to reality) and the safety and sanctuary of my daily existence.  That is until my next session with a new or previous GFE provider.  

I do have a theory though, that a man is not seasoned until he's had that "soul searching, chasing his tail around in a circle, sitting in complete surrender while his heart is burning over some hottie" type of experience.  I've seen it make or break a man's outlook on life.  Sort of a Satori of the Heart.

KarmaExp and LG comments most interesting.  My opinion is that it is natural and healthy to want additional positive feedback, and it's one-dimensional to just want to get your rocks off and nothing more.  But of course it's an ego thing to want more feedback even if we know in our rational minds that this is a business and providers have to be nice to everyone and bestow much the same favors on others they bestow on us.  Responding to LG's comment, in my case I'm delighted with my family, and have real affection but no longer steamy sessions with my wife, who's more like a lifelong pal and companion than a lover.  I've become very fond of an independent provider, fairly new to the city I live in.  Recently, she astonished me by asking if I was free on a given day and we'd just spend some time together.  I'd volunteered to show her a bit of the city off the clock but never expected she'd take me up on it.  Since this was a scheduled working day for her and she was feeling fine, I was floored, (she has her own car and friends outside the job, so she could have done this on her own)but we had an enjoyable time for six hours with nothing more than holding hands a bit and a peck on the cheek.  If I'd offered to pay her for the time she voluntarily gave up I'm sure that would have spoiled the day.  After I dropped her off, I felt like a kid on a first date.  I took it as a lovely gesture on her part, but certainly nothing more than that.  I think we have both established that we enjoy each other's company beyond the physical/commercial basis of the relationship, but I expect any off the clock encounters will be rare.  But if they do happen, they make the relationship richer, and more substantive and enjoyable.

You are never "off" the karma clock.

Nice, karmaexpress,

Now go check out the infamous postings of some very vocal "short term maters" on the General Discussion board, and you'll understand what their version of "soul searching" is all about. I believe your theory may concern a minority of those men who have chosen to reflect emotionally upon their actions. Others....well...they wouldn't know "karma" if it hit them in the head like a ton of bricks.

Yer very own Shakti here,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 2/10/2007 7:50:13 AM

-- Modified on 2/10/2007 9:10:31 AM

As I have to keep reminding one of my childhood friends, who's a Mormon, as he looks down upon my hobbying because I pay cash "for it".  Meanwhile, he's obsessed with RockStar lifestyles and sneaking peaks at "Hotties" in whatever form presents itself.  "Look but don't Touch!".  

-- Modified on 2/10/2007 8:11:11 AM

-- Modified on 2/10/2007 5:20:44 PM

I suppose a lot of this depends on the experience you are after.  I for one am after a GFE type of experience, and if that's what you get from your provider, there is a greater chance of the emotions getting involved.  On top of that, there's a sincerity level as well.  When a provider says "I love seeing you" or "I really like how you touch me this way", is she saying that as part of the overall act, or because she truly means it above and beyond the business transaction?  At that point I suppose you have to trust your instincts as to whether she's being truly sincere and decide how important that is to you in regards to how you feel about the time you spend with her.

it doesn't care whether you believe in it or not.

I'm not a big hobbyist, in fact I've only been with two providers over the last two years-- the first was ok, but no real emotional connection. The second was amazing, and we really hit it off and discovered common interests. By the end of the session (which ended up lasting almost twice as long as scheduled) she was saying that we should get together and have lunch sometime, and made me promise to stay in touch. Part of me was really flattered, but another (paranoid) part couldn't help but think this was all 'marketing' on her part, setting me up for repeat business.

The next day she emailed me saying she hoped we could spend more time together. I wasn't sure if she meant on or off the clock. So, I was kind of torn... going from thinking I was getting played to thinking I might have a new friend to wondering if there was a possibility for something more (the last of the three probably causing, even -needing- the first to balance it out). Finally (ok, it was only like one or two days later) I responded. We played email tag for a bit, but never actually set anything up. Was she really too busy, or was she just stringing me along? Eventually my own uncertainty became too much to overcome and I gave up.

A few months later I decide it might be nice to see her again, and I've been having just as much difficulty setting up an on-the-clock appointment! It's nice to read that providers do sometimes spend off time with clients.