So I met a potential SB for long term yesterday and kind of ran into a situation with needing to word things correct way without making her feel if she doesn't put out, no allowance.
Things went great and started talking about allowance per meet and we established it at 400. We then started discussing when we wanted to meet next and she suggested earlier in day next week. She wants to do just lunch again and doesn't want intimacy next date. Kind of left it at that and she going to get back to me where we will meet next, as I'm from out of state so don't know area that well. I want to clarify that if there is no intimacy there is no allowance, without coming across as mean to her or coming off the wrong way. Any ideas on how to word this?I would ask her for a place for lunch near a hotel or ask her about meeting at a hotel after lunch. That should effectively send the message.
She already said she would just like to meet for lunch to get to talk to me more.
but if she expects money, sometime you just have to come out and say it "no intimacy = no allowance"
I am going through this right now with a very cute 18 year old college girl. First date we went out for sushi, had a good time, back to my house a bit of kissing and she begs off on sex claiming she needs to get back to the dorm early that night. Ok, I am a bit disappointed, but it sounds plausible on a "school night"
A couple of days go by and we meet again, this time its afternoon and I tell her I don't want to go out, and that I just wanted to go back to my place, she agrees and I buy all of the stuff she says she likes to drink, I pick her up, we go back to my place and have a couple of drinks things. I think to myself, "ok this is going well" I start kissing her, she kisses me back and then when I try to get her back in the bedroom she pulls back claiming she "isn't ready" yet. Ok, I am not going to force myself on her so we have another drink, kiss a bit more and I take her home. Once again, a bit disappointing, but still in the realm of "this is worth pursuing"
About ten minutes after I drop her off, I get a text from her saying she was having so much fun she "forgot" the money I promised. I ask her "what money?" and she starts trying to tell me her "time" was valuable and that according to what we had agreed I owed her three hundred bucks.
That's when we had to have "The talk" I told her she could take as long as she wanted to "get comfortable" enough with me to have sex and that I would be a complete gentleman about it, but that she was NOT getting paid while she was "getting comfortable" as she could take an entire year as long as I was paying her anyhow. We went back and forth for a while and finally I suggested she "play the field" a bit with other SDs, think about it and get back to me after she had something to compare me to.
About 4 days later she gets back to me with a COMPLETELY different attitude and we have a "intimate" date scheduled in a day or two at MY convenience. lol
I asked if she would like to start arrangement next meet up.
Her response:
"I think I would feel better if we just did lunch again! That way I get to talk with you more 
"
Meet her for coffee instead if she wants to talk so bad. Do not buy her lunch again. Say you don't have time for lunch and meet for coffee. At coffee, do not bring up money unless she specifically asks, in which case, tell her the Sugar starts when the intimacy starts. Be polite and tactful, yet direct. It's possible that she's a little gun-shy and really does want to get to know you first, but it's also possible that she wants to milk you for free lunches and has no intention of fucking you. If you've already bought her lunch once, that should be enough "get to know you" time. Don't spend anymore on this chick until you are bcd with her. Good luck.
I'll have to be direct about it I guess. I thought we alerted on same page, but then when she mentioned to meet at 2p it had me second guessing. It's a good thing I clarified what intentions were before meeting again, as I was ready to book hotel.
Are coming in from out of state. I mean how much does a fucking lunch cost. If the lunch date doesn't work out you still have a couple more options that may open up.
Great idea playing sympathetic story. I think I'll try that and see how it goes. Hopefully she buys it. It is half true regardless.
I have a feeling things may not go well after seeing social media account. She is friends with another SB I met once and it did not go well. She was expecting $200 for lunch date (got pissed) which there was a misunderstanding, and told me she was receiving $5,000 a month from her previous SD, which is not in my ballpark.
here's what I tell them. Sugar, I'm sorry to say but I was scammed really badly not too long ago. A sweet young thing promised me everything, got me to give her a substantial sum upfront, and then disappeared. I learned a hard lesson. Trust has to be earned, one date at a time. So I won't give any gifts until our actual arrangement begins. This story, which is actually more or less true, generally results in the girl feeling sympathetic. Maybe it will work for you as well.
I had one non BCD date for which I paid. She did not ask for it, but went ahead a paid to establish trust, as my gut told me she was genuine. That was last year. It's still working out great.