Our esteemed herbtcat recently posted his excellent suggestions for how to gracefully exit an arrangement that has gotten stale. One good idea was:
"1. Just like negotiating starting allowance, it's about you (specifically YOUR budget), not her. Tell her that something beyond your control changed in your life; lost/changed jobs, significant increase in expenses due (sick relative, lawsuit, stock losses, debt/loans coming due, etc.)."
It occurred to me that this same strategy could work for renegotiating a high allowance down to a lower level. I recently met a lovely new SB. Very young, very pretty, very blonde. During our first M&G I told her I'd be happy to provide a Gift per Visit of $X dollars, the same amount I give my other SBs. She seemed ok with it, but when I got home she sent me a text saying she needed at least double that. I agreed to $2X, no doubt my little head doing most of the decision making. So at our first and second BCD date, I gave her the $2X as agreed. But then I told her I'd had some financial setbacks: rental properties that needed a big influx of cash to remedy problems (true) as well as investment setbacks, losing $40k in the past 2 trading days (also true). I reminded her of my original offer and told her regrettably, my current budget could only go that far. And also as per Herb's suggestions, I made the decision hers, not mine, by saying I'd like to keep seeing you at the lower rate, but if that doesn't work for you I would totally understand, it's your decision. As hoped, she said she loved my company and didn't really care about the money that much and was fine with it. So I think this was a good outcome. I didn't chase her away at the outset by refusing her demands. But I got her allowance changed to a more comfortable sustainable level after 2 dates. She's a college kid, just finished midterms, headed to Mexico for spring break. We'll see how this plays out when she returns.
You came (pun intended) from a position of weakness and scored (again, pun intended) the big win!
I love it when my bullshit turns out to be accurate. :p
Happy for you, especially at a time when you need a positive result!
Life is good
The Cat
Great wisdom here Herb and sweetman.. question:
So it sounds like on the first M&G for a coffee, lunch etc. the norm is to provide $ or no?
Second, i got this question: "what is your ppm for the arrangement" . I respomded that i would really like to set up a brief meeting soon to see how well we ger along and discuss the details of an ideal atrangement for both of us (a page out of Herb TV tutorial )
That being said should i be prepared to provide cash at the first M&G? If so, whats the norm ans how do you hand it to her? Also if you just spend tine with rhe POT aftee the 1st date even if its for a quick coffee or walk that is also $? Or is it only BCD that leads to payment?
Sorry for all the questuons.. i am so used to dealing with pros..
But there is a practical exception for minor "T&E" costs. If you've ever travelled for business you know that acronym stands for "Travel & Entertainment" expenses.
For T&E expenses in the M&G context, that means it's a good idea to offer to cover small costs of getting to the meet, like parking fees, valet costs (plus tip), gas if it's a long drive or an Uber. Of course if you meet for a drink pay for the drinks. Give her the $20, $30, $40 (max!) when you two finish the M&G. Or order her UBER on your app (beware this is not always a good idea.)
But other than that let her know you won't give her any cash before meeting face to face. So no allowance to get her hair and nails done for you, to fix her flat tire so she can drive, to pay her for her time while you watch her suck down a caramel crunch frappe, etc. That is all either scammer language or a seriously entitled GPS bitch who must be avoided. Bottom line: if she WANTS to meet you, she will find a way to show up. If she wants to get endless cash and never meet you, she will find every reason why you need to pay in advance.
Now it's not uncommon (and for some standard procedure) to go directly to BCD after the M&G. I've done it a few times, but I generally make it clear that the M&G is a brief meeting (20-30 minutes) to work out arrangement details, and that we can agree on our 1st date night if we align on those details. If you want to/expect to do a same-day close, then have sufficient cash on hand. Note sufficient does not mean carry $5k in your wallet to look like the BSD (Big Swinging Dick) of your local Starbucks! It's entirely possible that her pimp/BF/co-scammers are waiting nearby with weapons. Exercise due-diligence about safety and security.
As to how to hand over the cash: For small gifts (the T&E cash), I bought a box of 50 small greeting/note cards with colored envelopes. Put the cash in there and write something nice on the card like "Thanks for meeting! Looking forward to next time!" You can just hand her the envelopes anytime in public - like a birthday card.
For full allowance amounts, I also use a standard (small) white envelope, until a few dates down the road when I ask her if I can pay by Zelle or Cashapp (do not use Paypal - but that's another post). I really don't like the optics of handing her a wad of $20's "hooker style" (and yes, I get the irony). The envelope isn't perfect, but I think it's better.
Life is good
The Cat
I totally agree with Herb, as usual, that we don't pay for M&Gs. It used to be a very rare request, but now, sadly, it's quite common. If the SB requests $ to meet for lunch , (beyond minor reimbursements for her actual incurred expenses) the answer is no. I usually explain that we should both be equally motivated to meet, without any further expectation.
However, as for handing cash in an envelope, I disagree. I always used to pay my escorts $ in an envelope, in fact, many of them specifically request it that way. So putting cash in an envelope feels like dating a pro. I prefer to hand them the wad of $20 bills! Usually after I've had fun with my SB and we've gotten dressed, I take the cash gift and pretend I can't find a pocket in her clothing (often literally true) and let my hands wander playfully all over her until I find a suitable spot to place the $ in. We both enjoy this.
I like both approaches.. i guess if they arent pros they would be happy to get the cash, no matter what form..
Another messaged me last night and said her and her girl are going to the casino.. i said like sounds like fun, have a blast and hope you win big.. then she said "you should send me some money to gamble with.. " lol