Obviously,  i would never do that with a pro.   With SBs, there was one that I had numerous (10-15) dates with and we eventually got to know each other's real names.   But with shorter-lived SB relationships I have avoided that.  

By real name, I mean first and last.  

Yes. And I insist on her name too. Both are usually volunteered if it become a real relationship, and you can't share test results credibly without real names.  

Between escorts and SBs, there is no bright line, as your post illustrates.

... knows everything about me and vice versa. Five years and three months later, we're still together.

I avoid giving my last name and my real phone number.

I am not married, nor in a relationship.  

I use a phone app specifically for the hobby, as well as an email that is likewise specifically for the hobby, and neither are traceable to me.  

But I've had sharing my real last name and my real phone number come back to bite me.  

I've had an agency that I had erroneously given my real number, and after 4 years, that agency ultimately got invaded by LE. Luckily they were not interested in clients. Reason #1 to use a burner phone or app that is not traceable to you.

Another time I had a problem with a SB who I met initially as an escort through an agency, and after about a year, we knew everything about each other. Then one day she went off her meds and she decided she was done with me, and threatened to blackmail me to my family and my employer as a guy who sees prostitutes if I attempted to collect on a "loan." She was estranged from her family and they pretty much knew she was a hooker, so I had little ammo on her. So that's reason #1 to never advance allowance.

In 8 years of hobbying, I have rarely strayed from those rules, but I have only done so when I felt the SB would respect the trust and didn't have anything on me.

But only after meeting or otherwise establishing they aren't an obvious scam.

Only long term SB's know my real name.  Especially when traveling together, it becomes impossible to hide.  The vast majority of my previous SB's over the years, have no idea of my true identity.

On the flip side, I try and always take a photo of the SB's ID (when she's asleep or in the shower).  This is for my protection should she turn out to to be BSC and try something unsavory.  A fair number of these ladies have:  1) their profile name, 2) the name that they share, and 3) their true identity.  Having their true identity helps me gauge how much I can truly trust them.    One of my SB's had an elaborate story of being an upscale au pair, but was really on the run from legal trouble out west.  She had a convincing story otherwise.

I don't care about being outed since my wife is totally on board with my hobbying, nor am I working so no job/boss situation to be concerned about.  I am usually the one to suggest exchanging IDs with every new SB. I need to know they are over 18 and they have a right to know I'm not hiding behind a false identity. Presenting it to them in this manner establishes my interest in mutual safety and builds cred and trust.  Also, as has been noted, I always ask to exchange STD/Covid test results which are meaningless without proof of identity. This practice has never come back to bite me.

This varies by SB and level of trust, of course. But generally I offer not only my real name, but my LinkedIn profile as well. Since I am not married, have no SO and I prefer to host at my home, it would be pointless to try to hide my real ID. And I always ask for proof of age as well as fresh tests so I will get her name and perhaps a pic of her ID along the way.  

 
Once I have her real name, as well as other info like real phone, address (or at last zip code), maybe real email, I can backfill any open vetting issues by looking her up on social media, school affiliation, etc.  Note: If I find a social media account (twitter, FB, IG, snapchat, etc.) I will not friend/follow unless SHE offers up her account name and askes me to follow her.  

 
I typically don't pursue POT's who are just looking for a quick hook up. IME, those never last long and her GPS shows up fairly soon. So if I do head in that direction, exchanging real info typically doesn't happen.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Real name swapping decisions aside, you're real problem with this BSC SB was the idea that when you "loaned" her money she would actually pay you back.  That's (almost) never going to happen.  SB's by definition, suck at money management and budgeting. It's the single most significant reason why a young hottie will suck your old, wrinkled, grey-haired, dick, and if she's REALLY broke, swallow.  

 
So what the hell makes you think she will ever be able, let alone willing, to pay back a loan?  You must assume that all cash you give an SB will immediately disappear from her wallet, and more importantly from her memory. She ain't gonna pick up an extra shift at the Waffle House or Publix just so she can give that paycheck to you. If she had that kind of discipline, she wouldn't need a Daddy to help pay her bills.  

 
If you want to loan her money, you should always consider it a gift, with no expectation of payback or additional BCD time. If you are not willing to lose that cash, don't offer it. Now, in the RARE case that she does pay some or all of that money back, it's found money for you.   But if you can't pay your own mortgage, or if you drained your IRA account to fund her 7 days vacation to Cabo, you may end up on YOUR knees to suck some dick to recover those funds. Hint: Swallow to get that extra 20% tip (pun intended)!  

 
All arrangements end. Even (especially?) after 8 years. These are called NSA for a reason. So you need to be ready to walk away, or for her to walk away, anytime. If you aren't prepared for the end, you're going to find yourself right where you are - trying to collect cash from a BSC FORMER SB who can't buy lunch without walking the streets.  

 
Lesson learned, I hope. If it is, then...  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

This story shows exactly why you don't want to give your real name.

Met a 24yo, petite, professional hottie for dinner at an upscale restaurant. Everything about our texting suggested (to me) that dinner would be followed by time BCD. My hotel was immediately across the street.

No dice. Even after having driven an hour to see me, she gave me her bullshit about not ever sleeping with someone on the first date. She also made it clear that the next date would conclude in bed. Whatever, it happens.

Late that night she sends me a sexy video of her in the shower. That's when I made my mistake.

My burner app does not process videos well. So I gave her my "real" number so she could re-send the sexy video and she dutifully complied.

As days went by, I found another chick I'd rather have in the rotation (not hung up on first date "rules") so I rudely ghosted chick #1.

Chick #1 got pissed and called my "real" number where, of course, she got my real name from my voicemail greeting. Then she began blasting me with texts saying I "couldn't just discard her like a piece of trash" and she knew my real name and would "be in touch with my family" because "social media is real" and my "kids would probably be pretty disappointed in me," etc.

The happy ending is, she never followed through, although I know not why.  

So there are two lessons: Real names create vulnerabilities, if you have something to lose. Second, don't be rude enough to provoke a backlash. I've read from HTC and others not to ever burn bridges and that is good advice. Even silence can burn a bridge.

I know most of my SB's real names and I am much too lazy to give out a fake name to any of my SB's and to be honest, I also give my real name to hookers. It's simply not a big deal to me.

 
That said, keep in mind that I have been "out" for literally decades, I NEVER tried keeping this part of my life a secret, BUT I don't see hookers/SB's when I am in a committed relationship, I am self employed and quite frankly I don't care if people disapprove about my paying for pussy. Pretty much EVERYBODY who knows me knows I fuck hookers/SB's or any other hot young women I can get into my bed, paid for or otherwise. lol

Any SB/ ho stays in my house for a few days, I ask for their license. If they don’t agree, poof no dough.  

I’m only speculating but I think that deterred a Ho from taking action with a conspirator after finding a safe in my house. That and the 150lb trained attack mastiff  lol.

... you wouldn't need to worry (as much) about lesson #1.  

 
In my opinion, your mistake wasn't giving her your 'real' number. Your mistake was being a dick and ghosting her when you decided to move on.  She's pissed because you did to her what too many POT SB's do to us.  If you had simply messaged her that you appreciated meeting, but you didn't think you two would be a good match, etc., she would still be disappointed, but probably would have moved on, because as you say "it happens."  

 
But you pissed in her proverbial Cheerios, and you did it AFTER she took a risk by sending an explicit video of her self.  Not having any power in the relationship, she reacted (badly) by making threats as some (useless) defense mechanism.   Note she didn't try to "get you back" and it seems she didn't try to extort cash from you. She felt hurt and wanted to hurt you back.  

 
A simple, polite gesture of closure would have had a much better result, and since you would not have burned that bridge, allowed you to re-approach her later if your new POT flaked out.  

 
As to 1st date no-sex rules, that's up to you. But it seems that again, the failure is on you for not working that out before you agreed to meet for dinner. Assuming that every POT will suck your dick within 90 minutes of meeting you is just a bad idea.  You can certainly decline to meet without an agreement for BCD time. But as the more mature partner here, that's on you to clarify.  

 
I have never declined to provide my real info including my name, address, and even my LinkedIn profile. I want my SB's to know who I am. And I want to know who they are. Like GaGa, I'm not worried about getting outed. But more importantly, I think trying to be anonymous is akin to treating an SB like a hooker - even if she IS a hooker.  Treat your SB's like a woman you are dating and you can (usually) expect to be treated like a man she is dating.  

 
IME, those SB's who want to be anonymous don't last long, and are more likely to eventually try to scam me out of a lot of cash later.  That's a lesson that I had to learn a few times at a cost of $500-$800 each before it stuck.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

Can't say I disagree with any of that, Cat. The painful lessons are the ones when you know you know better.