Oh, gosh, LG, I'm just full of questions...

What's in it for folks into BDSM?  What's the motivation or the reward?  Do dommes ever actually have conventional sex?  Do they have orgasms from what they do?  I've heard submissives (okay, one professed submissive) say she gets into a "headspace" from the experience.  So ... qu'est-ce que c'est?

A nice and easy question, Turkana

Because I've got a nice and easy reference for you!

Please peruse at your leisure. Should you wish to read more, check out Amazon.com for their reading lists and recommendations on BDSM.

As to my own experience (clinical and personal) of BDSM, yes, I can tell you that dommes have conventional sex. As to orgasming while engaging in BDSM, it will depend on the activity! Now, if it's not conventional "orgasming" you are referring to, but more an endorphin rush coming from cerebral activity independent of genital or erogenous stimulation, yes, I believe it's possible. It would be something akin to Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's theory so eloquently documented in his book "Flow: The Psychology Of Optimal Experience."
As quoted: 'Flow, whether in creative arts, athletic competition, engaging work, or spiritual practice, is a deep and uniquely human motivation to excel, exceed, and triumph over limitation. Csikszentmihalyi describes his life's work as the effort "to study what makes people truly happy." The emphasis here is on the word "truly"—because to him, happiness is not simply flow nor an emotional state nor even the experience of pleasure. The happiness he points to involves the continual challenge to go beyond oneself as part of something greater than one's own self-interest.'

Many of those in the BDSM area have stated that their interests and passion go way beyond just the physical, and that a tremendous emotional satisfaction ensues from the activity. Of course you don't have to get into "the zone" or "flow" from BDSM. Anything you feel great about doing can get you there.

It would be nice to hear from some participants in this matter,

the Love Goddess

Maybe 15 years ago in NYC, I experimented with going to mistresses to be dominated.  To the extent it was sensual, I enjoyed it; but I didn't get into the "flow."  Conventional sex was far more transcendental.  What I didn't know then, however, was that I was learning.  

On one of my infrequent visits to the BDSM loft, a pretty mistress said hello to me as I left.  I got her name and made an appointment to see her, and learned that she was naturally submissive.  So we switched, with me topping.  WHOA!  Suddenly, I was in a different world, and the connection between us was electric.  I saw her several times, then she went away....  

Long story short:  I'm now in a long term relationship with someone who's submissive; our physical relationship is much more varied, intense and imaginative than any "vanilla" relationship I've had.  There is risk and there is deep trust; there is drama and there is passion.  As a hobbyist, I've had hundreds of vanilla encounters and many relationships of a duration sufficient to explore vanilla sex in virtually all of its varieties -- but it doesn't remotely compare to the psychological and emotional connection that my partner and I have when we're doing our thing.  Also, the range of physical "exercises" and their emotional implications -- is far greater than in conventional relationships.  

Interestingly, we generally don't engage in the conventional indicia of physical intimacy, such as kissing and cuddling.  But the sense of intimacy in our activities is far greater, for me, than in vanilla sex.

Thanks for the opportunity to comment.

What's in it for folks into BDSM?
First, tastes vary so you cannot judge something by your lack of appeal to it. Freud said the only unusual sexual behaviour is none at at. As for what's in it, arousal, orgasms, excitement and all the other things most find appealing about sex.

What is the motivation or reward?
See my above answer.

Do dommes every actually have conventional sex?
What do you consider conventional? If you mean romantic encounters, the answer is probably yes.

Do they have orgasms for what they do?
Again see my first answer.

As for you last question, I first need a definition for "headspace".

I've been both sub and domme, so perhaps I should say I'm "versatile."  What I mean is I derive personal enjoyment either way.

I was in a long term (several month) situation as a sub a number of years ago.  He was not a pro, just very controling (spelled s-i-c-k) and it got way out of hand to where I was glad to escape with my life.  Seriously.

This is the #1 reason to ONLY see a professional Domme in my opinon.

I still get into being "controlled" on occasion and enjoy being submissive.  (See my ad on ALT... giggle)

As a professional TS Dominatrix (though not a lifestyle domme) it is my "job" as "Mistress Jamie" to provide a fantasy role play environment, often quite realistic, but to keep things safe and sane.

I don't usually achieve an orgasam from a submissive.  While I may "force" a sub to service me I'm thinking about what I'm going to do next to enhance his or her experience.  It's their party after all.

I understand what Turkana means by submissive "headspace" - sometimes when you are in bondage  you reach a point where you kind of go into a trance.

I had a master a couple of years ago who would blindfold and gag me, and put covers over my ears to block sensory perception. Then he would hang me by my wrists for 2 to 3 hours (while occasionaly doing "things" to me).  After about 20-30 minutes with your head forced between your arms, hard to breathe, perhaps after being used for sex, you pass into another realm.

It can be quite an experience. To me the best part was the thousand dollars it paid.

Best,
TS Jamie

-- Modified on 3/6/2007 7:47:19 PM

Flow is a great, great book. Strongly recommended. He also wrote a couple other good ones:

The Evolving Self
Creativity

But Flow is canonical. Read it and think about how it applies to your everyday life.

first i have to qualify my response by saying that i am not technically into "BDSM"...however i have been in the D/s lifestyle for several years, i am a natural submissive and slave to my Husband/Master.

no, i don't usually orgasm from sexual acts, nor do i care to. what i "get" from it is the fulfillment in pleasing my partner, in serving them well, in being used by them to their satisfaction. that is something i need and desire. that is my "reward."