Ok, Headscratcher,

The proper definition for a "French tickler" is actually a condom that is nubby or has some kind of texture that is meant to enhance a woman's coital experience. So I guess your penis in all its nubby [or veiny perhaps?] glory is a sexual turn-on for this woman. That is wonderful and I hope you both have many memorable play-dates with your matching genitalia.

Now to you and to the rest of the penile-anxious population: there is NO "good or bad shape" of a penis. Please don't fall for this ruse, lest we'll all be making appointments with those "penile rejuvenation" doctors out of pure insecurity. THERE ARE NO BAD SHAPES. ALL PENISES ARE GOOD - I REPEAT, ALL PENISES ARE GOOD.

Now, there is Peyronie's disease, which suggests an abnormal curvature of the penis and connective tissue disorder. There are botched circumcisions where the foreskin has grown too tight and slightly distorted the penile head. There is hypospadia, phimosis, and an assortment of other abnormalities which bring with them discomfort and possibly pain. But a penis unaffected by disease is ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL AND PLEASANT in its natural state, no matter how fat, skinny, long or short.

Remember that we don't want to create the same neurosis among penises that now exist among vaginas. For whatever reason, women have been sold this bizarre bill of goods where insecurities have taken over when labia are concerned. Now some physicians are specializing in questionable G-shots, unnecessary labiaplasties and Lord knows what else to capitalize on cultural anxieties. Let's hope the men don't fall for this. Needless to say, this is not a criticism of Headscratcher's innocent question; I just want to put the kibosh on anyone feeling that his penis might not measure up, for whatever reason. You are ALL beautiful, dear men. ALL OF YOU.

Hail to the penis in all its natural glory,
the Love Goddess