I'm pretty mature--65+--and I'm beginning a relationship with a civilian lady my own age.  I'm guardedly optimistic that the relationship will become sexual soon.  (She says she is still interested in sex.)  I've been hobbying for a year or so, and have been taught and tutored by some of our loveliest providers.  The lady in question is probably pretty traditional in the bedroom department.  My dilemma is how to introduce her to the more exotic and exciting facets of lovemaking, which she doubtless considers perversions, without without losing her trust and affection.  Go slow, be gentle, and use lots of lube are givens.  Any suggestions gratefully received.

That's GREAT, Anciano,

Exactly the type of scenario that, under appropriate circumstances, could work out very well for the both of you!

Now the slight drawbacks: she has come of age in a society that was just on the edge of busting out the free love and letting it all hang out. Her generation is still poodle skirts, Paul Anka and guarding the vagina like Fort Knox. As you correctly pointed out, there may be some sexual behaviors that she will find objectionable. Oral sex, either giving or receiving, may be one of them. In addition, her vaginal tissues may be very sensitive or even atrophied, depending on hormone replacement or not.

The noted "given" is there; now you'll just have to get her going in other ways. My suggestion is to get into an intimate and very relaxed situation and begin experimenting. Talking about it may actually seem invasive and weird to her - this is not the "hook-up generation" where you can sext freely. So the experimentation should be very gradual, almost like sensate focus work - in fact, you can borrow straight from Masters and Johnson in this regard. Get into sensual caressing and gradually progress into exploring her genitals. You may wish to give her "permission" to explore yours - tell her that it's great if she touches you in a specific spot. Be very patient - this is going to be an educational experience for her. And the more conventionally "romantic" you can get before the deed, the more relaxed she'll be. It's almost like turning the clock back and trying to bed that naughty cheerleader in 1963 - if that makes any sense.

As to the exotics, there may be some limitations...and you will need to decide how important those boundaries are to you. Unless she's really wild, anal is probably out (although you never know, she may surprise you.)  But maybe getting dressed up in some little outfit and carrying out a fantasy may work? The most important thing is that you let her know how fabulous her body is and how much it turns you on. Nothing pleases women more than knowing how attractive and sexy they are to the man they enjoy.

Good luck with all of it
The Love Goddess

Anciano's adventure is delightful, and I'd guess the odds are good for a successful relationship in this instance.  But, LG, do you have any insights on how many ladies of that age still have an interest in real mutually-satisfying lovemaking?  I suppose every case is different, but it seems the OPs on ths board complain frequently that the wives have lost it after menopause.  There could be multiple reasons for that, but are there approximate percentages, such as "50% of women over 55 lose all interest in sex after menopause?"

Well, noagenosage,

There are no reliable stats on exactly what percentage of women lose ALL interest in sex after menopause. What we do have are numbers on women's INCREASED interest in sex after certain interventions, such as administering testosterone creams/patches/gel, educational sex therapy, etc. The problem is that only about 15% of women who use these interventions experience improvement. Among these 15%, the increase in sexual interest is significant. But what to do with the remaining 85% is anyone's guess.

See the attached link - it's still a mystery, unfortunately,
The Love Goddess

I've met an oldie but goldie and let me tell you, they added a few chapters to my book of love.

C'est la vie, say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell.

In any case, mazel tov!

That's what makes sex such an important part of a relationship- you never really know who you're with until you've had sex with them.

While everything that has been posted is true, including the generational tendencies LG stated (for your reference, the big change between traditional and "Summer of Love" type influence came with birth years from approx. 1949/50 and later).

Still, it's tough to predict.  The hottest woman I ever dated was also the worst in bed, and she was born in the mid-60's.  She was so beautiful I stuck around longer than I should have until I finally concluded she was just plain bad in bed.  Others have surprised me too- plain or conservative girls that were freaks, and sex-crazed girls that were boring in bed.  You just never know, and that's what makes it so exciting.

I don't know how you define "exotic and exciting facets of lovemaking," but statistically, you'd probably find that it's hit-or-miss with civilian women of any age being into the same things you are, hence the frequent discussions on TER and elsewhere on sexual compatibility/chemistry.

As a member of the TER community, you are far more sexually adventuresome, experimental and open-minded than probably 90% of the population, so don't be too disappointed if the odds don't work in your favor.  Best of luck and I applaud you for taking on the challenge!

I'm in my late 40's and had a civie relationship with a woman who was 60, but looked in her 40s's (granted not truly relevant to this discussion). She was as sexual a women as any I had ever been with. She was passionate and very open to exploration. As  both the OP and LG stated, it has a lot to do with sexual and societal values. I was fortunate that the women I was with was very open minded. Age in itself is not a detriment to sexual fulfillment.

Well, I fudged a little on the ages.  We're both 70+.  She spent last weekend with me.  First night, we made love.  She accepted oral quite well, though I could tell she didn't quite know what to make of it.  CG went a bit better.  No O for her, but I think the sex part will improve with practice.  The intimacy, though, was wonderful!  Just cuddling and caressing through the night, and waking up together.  We both have lost long-time spouses, and really were missing the connection that offers.  I have hopes that we'll continue to develop as a couple.