I've been chatting up a couple of POTs and a few have agreed to meet. I've been following the advice here, so there's been no discussion yet about money or allowance.
But, I have read advice here that suggests that before the first meeting, it should be made clear to the POT that the arrangement must include BCD. Now, I've written my profile to insinuate the same. But, as we all know, people are going interpret what they read into whatever they want to hear.
Should I clarify that expectation before the meeting? If so, I'll admit that I'm a little reluctant to come right out and state that my expectation is BCD, or sex, or adult fun. Am I being provincial? Or, is there a fun, creative way, that has not occurred to me, to make it clear?
Thanks for the advice.
Your dilemma is not new. Here's some ideas on how to deal with getting confirmation that she will (eventually) fuck your brains out:
First, you should be intentional about what you want and when. For purposes of this discussion, I'll define two approaches:
1. Those who want BCD on the 1st meet - aka a full "date", and
2. Those who want the first meet to be a non-BCD "meet & greet." This can also include an option to extend the M&G with BCD if you both agree on terms.
So start by deciding on what you want from your fist face-to-face meeting. I prefer the latter (#2) because it gives me a better feel for who she is, and I can pour on my Daddy-Charm before negotiating such things as allowance and my preference for BBFS. But others here want to get balls deep asap (for all the right reasons). Either way, once you know what your meeting objectives are you can think about how to accomplish them.
As your post suggests, just blurting out "I expect you to fuck me if you want any money" is not the way to go. Instead, try a broader approach when talking about what your vision is for a great arrangement (with her). Try something like: "What I am looking for is maybe meeting once or twice a (week/moth) and catching up on life, maybe going shopping or to dinner and then some intimate fun at my (home/hotel/fuck shack). If you want to be more discreet, we can stay indoors and have fun there. How does that sound?"
So inserting the term "intimate fun" or something similar shows that it's expected for all dates, unless you specifically agree not to for some occasional reason.
You can use that language before you meet for group #1, or at the meet (or before) for group #2. The point is to just make it part of a larger package of date activity.
Final thought: She's on the site for a reason. And unless she's trying to scam you (very possible!) she understands that at some point she must put out. Occasionally you will meet POT's who are timid, or still testing the concept who may want to have one or two dinner dates before going BCD. I have had SB's in that category. But I made it clear that I would certainly pay for date expenses like dinner and drinks, but I will only be providing minimal allowance (maybe $50-$100, or zero) until she is comfortable taking the next step.
The longest I had to deal with non-BCD meets was 4 dates, and she got no cash until we got naked. That turned out well for me as she really delivered sexual freak-level performance once we went BCD. But generally, your POT will acknowledge her understanding of expected BCD and you can then complete negotiations on allowance, schedule, and comfort levels/boundaries for sex.
Please let us know what approach you take and how it turned out. We can all learn from each other, but only if we each share experiences, good and especially bad.
Life is good
The Cat
Herb, thank you very much! Sage advice as always.
I'm definitely going to M&G route. I have one meeting set up for Friday and one for Tuesday. I'll update here afterwards.
I’m in the first category, BCD on the first meeting. I’ve used terms like “intimacy,” friends with benefits,” and “ mutually beneficial.” I don’t like to get too specific. It’s worked out well for me in eliminating the time wasters. My bigger problem lately has been POTs who want monthly allowances which is a deal breaker for me.
I've seen several POTs reference looking for a "mutually beneficial" relationship. I had no idea that it was a SD euphemism for sex.
You learn something everyday. Thanks.
I've def had a few in the first category, but some of those have not turned out well because when she showed up she was not as attractive as I had thought. I generally go through with it anyway but don't repeat. Meeting for a M$G first (category 2) is def my preference. I've been able to weed out some eager but unsuitable (for me) SBs this way. And in my experience, if you have made it clear you are expecting the arrangement to include sex, and she's willing to meet you for lunch, it's gonna end well. The only exceptions are if she tells you at lunch that she wants a ridiculous amount of $. For that reason I sometimes try to get a feel for her $ expectations in advance, as well as her openness for intimacy.