i am 70 years old and a widower. my late wife was ill for about 10 years prior to her death and sex was very much out of the question. my relief was masturbation since i didn't want to cheat on her even with a provider. since her passing i have visited two or three providers, one more than once. i no longer masterbate, but i have a severe problem achieving ejaculation through regular sex. i recently met a woman 15 years my junior and we have hit it off pretty good. on a recent week long trip, we had sex every night and she told me that it was the best sex that she had ever had in her entire life. most of the sex was stroking, a lot of kissing, a lot of oral sex, a lot of just holding each other. my problem is that she thinks that i am not satisfied if i don't ejaculate. i am very much satisfied and without ejaculating i can carry on the lovemaking for a much longer period. how can i convince her that caressing her, stroking her and bringing her to climax when and if she does is just as good as the in and out movement and ejaculation of normal intercourse and just as satisfing, especially for someone my age?

Dear tommiehawke,

Issues with ejaculation are not unusual at your age; in addition, men who have had a TURP procedure no longer ejaculate. If she doesn't understand that, then tell her to read the attached. In this study, published in the VERY respected International Journal of Impotence, it is stated, clearly, that ejaculatory function significantly decreased in men 70+. This is normal and nothing to be concerned about, particularly since Mother Nature has an ingenious way of "rewiring" older men - all of a sudden, they are able to enjoy the journey a whole lot more than the destination. In addition, in my practice, I have observed that older men often do not want to trade the hardcore priapic sex of yore for the longer and more exploratory gentle/sensual experiences of their present years.

It may be that this woman has issues with her own sexuality;  according to your posting, she's about 55 or so - clearly in the menopausal or even post-menopausal zone where sexual function declines markedly for women. Maybe she is holding on to every shred of sexual self esteem she can muster...and proof of her own eroticism and ability to excite may actually be vested in those precious drops of semen that appear to elude her.

It is also well known that couples who have had a happy and functioning sex life together for decades often revise their m.o. due to the issues above. The sexual experience takes on a slower and more gentle, more sensual pace. Because you two just recently met, she may have different expectations. My suggestion would be for you both to explore tantric sex which is not very dependent on ejaculatory function. You can go on line to read about tantra, or you can visit with a tantrika who will be more than happy to teach you both.

I can't think of a better project to engage in together
The Love Goddess

i agree with what you say 100%. i enjoy lovemaking now much more than when i was younger. i have discussed tantric with her and suggested that she read up on the subject. she is a very good and patient lover who claims that she has had more orgasms in our brief relationship than in the thirty years that she was married. i will continue to stress my satisfaction in the gentler form of lovemaking and hope that she will realize that once i ejaculate, the lovemaking session takes a downward turn for an extended period.

The study is interesting; however, it doesn't relate to my situation because I had prostate cancer, and radiation treatments saved my life but caused some permanent disability -- that is, I can achieve but not sustain an erection.  That leaves out intercourse but I can and do respond to oral and hand stimulation to ejaculation.  At my age, the sheer enjoyment and mutual appreciation possible with a good woman helps to make life itself more precious, and I am grateful for whatever capability is still left.  Yet, there are two problems -- I feel vaguely unsatisfied even after a great session with a pro if I haven't made her roar with pleasure; and my SO likes intercourse and receiving oral but isn't much interested in giving oral or manual stimulation.  Hence, my need for congenial pros, whom I continue to enjoy even though, after discussion, it continues to cause considerable conflict with my SO.  Believe me, many women have superior capabilities for detecting when their partner has strayed.  Any suggestions?

Prehaps you could buy the book The Tao of Love (can't recall the author right now but you could order it on Amazon) and familiarize yourself and your lady with the ancient art of Taoism...the focus being on the ladie's pleasure, and NOT male ejaculation!  She needs to adjust her mindset and realzie that she has found a gem of a partner; one who is not fixated on his own ejaculation, but rather, her satisfaction!
Good luck to you!  I like your attitude.