I’m going to say no to getting married again. After untangling a 30-year marriage I value my independence.  
I do miss a few things like a travel partner and could conceivably have a gf .. but the odds are long. She would have to be older than my kids but young enough to be hot and not financially dependent on me, with no kids or grown ones. So 40-45. Looking at it from their perspective they would ask “what’s in it for me?”

I'm fine with a long term girlfriend and not a marriage.  Pre-nup for sure.  And her being independent of me is fine.  But a good live in with a high sex drive is the goal for sure.  I do like waking up with a beautiful woman in my bed.

I had a long marriage that ended poorly as well.  And have kids.  So I'd want a gf older than them for sure.  And no kids, her not wanting more kids.  I'm done with diapers.

Since I'm relatively new to sugaring [almost two years] I'm still in the kid-in-a-candy store phase so I really can't imagine at this stage not doing it. It's a win-win for both parties. Supply is a major factor. Who knows how long Seeking will be a viable resource or if other platforms will be effective or even available or for how long?  

 
It really is exhausting dealing with all the fakes, flakes and phonies. I concur with others here that it is not only exhausting doing the rinse-repeat cycle but even the dates themselves can become boring. Even great sex gets to be a routine after awhile and it's hard to find someone with depth and intelligence as well as the enthusiasm to keep meeting for dining and hotel room romps and keep it fun.  

 
With my work and home commitments I'm unable to travel with an SB so my sugar meets are limited to dining and hotel fun. That in itself contributes to a rather routine experience and when you are doing it three times week, as I often do, even with a six girl rotation and multiple subs there are times when I think I'd rather stay home.  

 
For now it provides a nice outlet for enjoyment, presumably for both parties, and it provides them with financial help so that is tough to beat. It helps me feel young and it's a great ego boost, even if it isn't 100% real.  

 
I'll play in the bowl till my head [little head?] and heart tell me to stop.  

 
Thank you for posting the question, Euro-guy!  

I know I'm beating a dead horse, but  "I do think sugaring is a choice that means you are willing to forgo a traditional relationship with someone close to your own age." is simply not true.  Design your own ideal relationships and then put in the effort to create them.  There are more and more people of all genders and ages who are open to a polyamorous, ENM lifestyle.  My wife and I have found that our already great marriage is strengthened when we are getting more of our needs met.  I don't need to hide my sugaring activities from her.  In fact, it's fun to share some of the details with her, tell her about my adventures, and even introduce her to some of my SBs.  You can have your cake and eat it too, if you play your cards right!

Thanks for the perspective, Sweetman.
I was probably too broad in my statement and overlooked that some folks can successfully manage sugar and marriage, whether it's open or not.
The point for me is that once you end a marriage, it's a different story. With a new spouse, you're giving her legal, financial and property rights, the ability to pull the plug on you and more. If you have kids.. you're taking something away from them and creating new issues for them, even if they're adults.  
I don't see any real advantage for me in finding a 60-something mate (and frankly don't feel like I belong with old folks). If it's a 40-something, I could see some upside but all the aforementioned downsides too. I can't imagine anyone accepting a prenup with none of those rights... And yes I could say 'Let's be bf-gf' but anyone who have been through some ups and downs in life will want something to show for it.

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I wish I could do that but I don't like to share SBs or partners.  I'm selfish like that.  I've tried and it does not work for me.  Even dated porn stars.  When it was casual it was cool.  The second emotions get involved I'm out of she's not in.

I posted this on reddit but thought you guys would appreciate it:

A lot of folks ask about the reasons for sugaring... Looking at this a different way, this avoids the baggage and other issues with traditional relationships. Here is a partial list of the likely pitfalls (you're welcome to add to it). As a caveat, this is from a male perspective (mine) and is my answer to the question of 'Why don't you get married again?' I don't regret getting married, but when you're young and in love a lot of these issues don't matter, and if you have kids they become the priority. But the second time around, it's different. Anyhow, here's my list -- I understand some of these things are the same in sugaring, and not everyone sees these as a negative -- but anyhow:

She wants to redecorate
You don't like her cooking/she doesn't like yours
She likes the beach, you prefer the mountains
She wants you to take her to the farmer's market
She wants you to take her to the mall
'I have a headache.' Your sexual needs get misaligned
The in-laws (fill in your horror story)
You don't like her friends
She doesn't like your friends
She wants you to stay in instead of meeting friends (or vice-versa)
She's a spender, you're a saver (or vice-versa)
She doesn't like your cargo shorts (or whatever else)

Good list.  A lot of these are flags I missed with my ex-SB.  We were at the point of talking marriage.  Several of these were problems she was unwilling to address which led to the end of the relationship.  

I would suggest, prior to making an arrangement something more serious, you start looking at these problems.  Or before a relationship becomes more serious.

All relationships, sugar, friends, dating, marriage have a series of bullshit.  The question is, are you willing to deal with each others.  I have some close friends who have some bullshit.  I deal with it because I value them.  

Things to look at, in addition to your incredible list:

1. Sleeping patterns.  Do you mind them tossing and turning, snoring, watching their phone all night.
2. Their social media.  Are they posting 50 times a day?  Do you care?  Do you feel left out if you are not in it?
3. Does her family know about you?  At what point do you want to make sure they do?
4. Is she always broke and using you as an atm?  Example: She shows you her shopping spree but the auto pay for her electric bill bounced and she needs you to help her?
5. Hobbies?  Do you like the same things so you can do stuff together and do you mind spending time apart?
6. Does she still put effort into looking good for you?  If she stops putting on makeup for dates that is a problem for me.  Especially if I'm still paying her rent.

I spent a big portion of my life not getting my needs met.  For all sorts of reasons; working in a predominantly male industry, never going out to bars, generally having no "game" when it comes to meeting women, trying to make connections in pre-internet days, etc. So when I discovered escorting, and later discovered sugaring, I jumped in with both feet.  

 
That was over 20 years ago, and I'm still trying to make up for lost time, and enjoying it immensely.  Even though I have now been with over 200 women, some just one time things, some multi year arrangements, the thrill of the chase and the pleasure when I catch one, has not significantly diminished.  My strength and ability are still adequate for the purpose, so I don't plan on quitting until something mission critical changes, hopefully that won't be any time soon.

 
One observation I'd like to share with all of you who are in the over 60 group is that getting old isn't necessarily a problem.  It's a feature!  Our youth obsessed culture has us fearing we'll become irrelevant and unattractive when we get older.  But for some marvelous, delightful reason, there are lovely young women out there who really want to be with a much older man!  They are fed up with immature boys and truly drawn to the wisdom, experience, knowledge, skills, and yes, wealth of older men.  I intend to keep seeking and finding them as long as I possibly can.

-- Modified on 7/28/2025 10:33:25 AM

Either she dumps you, you dump her, or she cashes and dashes (I have a cash and dash story waiting for approval to be posted).

Amen to this Sweetman! I hope to be able to say in 20 years what you have said here!