I had been seeing my all time fav for a long time, recently shared some inner feelings with her and it turns out she had them too! Well we spent an entire month together and my feelings grew. She sensed that we were growing too close and broke it off the other day. Now I just feel like dieing, can't eat, can't sleep, all I do is think about her! She won't return my calls or emails, I'm going out of my mind!

I think we all understand and can empathize, shots,

But oftentimes, such is the way of the hobbyist-provider relationship. Of course she's not here to participate in the discussion, but for postulation's sake: maybe she broke it off because her feelings for you were interfering with her job, and given the choice, well....we all have to work for a living [except Paris Hilton, of course.] She may have chosen her profession over a relationship with you. Like men who can't handle escorts as girlfriends, some escorts can't have civvie boyfriends while working.

So you are going through a tough detox right now. Your dopamine pathways are empty, raging, screaming for this woman. If it gets any worse, I would suggest counseling. If you can handle the first six weeks, you'll be fine - unless you've got some other underlying psychological condition we don't know about.

I know this sounds like a huge cliché, but the best thing right now is to let time settle things down. Yes, you will have to go through the hurt, and just know that if she really has a change of heart, SHE will contact you again. In the meantime, TRY to get some sleep, and fa gann'z sake, PLEASE NOSH ON SOMETHING.

We're all rooting for your recovery,
the Love Goddess

to let her know that you can back off in the relationship, assuming you can, and tell her that you're ready to pick back up with a less intense relationship, assuming you are, when she is and to give you a call when she's ready. Then find some physical activity to occupy your time and energy. That'll help you sleep better, too.

The biz can be very hard on relationships.  Without knowing her side as LG said it's hard to comment.  But oftentimes girls in this biz have other issues going on.  Or may be unable to get too close.  There's a million reasons.

But as wormwood said, give her a last call or e-mail.  Tell her you are there for her if she changes her mind.  Tell her it's the last contact you will make.  She knows where you are if or when she's ready.  Don't be a stalker.  Let her go.

And MOVE ON.  Get a hobby, get laid, take a college class, find a 2nd job, go to Mexico, try a TS (giggle), do anything but don't get drunk.

Hugs,
TS Jamie

I'm in a similar situation.  I have a provider that I have feelings for.  I even remarked to her that I wished I had met her in civvie life.  She agreed but she made it obvious that our relationship is going to stay the way it is so I let it go.  She chose her profession over me and I think that's what happened with you.  

Having a relationship with you means a loss of income.  But think about it.  If she had met you in civvie life, she would never have had you as a client and someone else would step in to provide that income anyway.  Either she hadn't thought about it that way or something else is going on.

Thanks to all of you for your comments.
but it was really all entirely my fault!
We have so much in common, and as the month went on we both started talking about a more serious relationship, and foolishly I was letting her know how I was feeling (not good) about her seeing her clients!
What an idiot! What was I thinking!?
We had done some traveling, I was staying at her place, We were both like a couple of High School kids passionate about each other. I was already separated from my wife and thinking about a divorce before we started telling each other about the feelings we had for one another. Our short time together was really the best month of my adult life and I'm no spring chicken. God if I could just talk to her one more time, I might be able to carry on. I've known her for at least 3 years plus now and wasn't actually seeing her exclusively or all that regularly before. But I had known deep down that I could easily fall in love with her if I ever had the chance to get to know her better.
So when the opportunity arose to spend so much time with her, literally day and night for weeks as I was off work, I was so swept away by her beauty, personality, and good loving, that I didn't even care at the time about the possible outcome or what the negative effects a breakup might be like. I'm so torn up inside now that I can't seem to focus on anything, I can't stop thinking about her, I feel like going to be ill, and have probably emailed and called her at least dozen times just today! Needless to say I've only been able to leave messages, none of which had any negative content. The only good thing is I have managed to keep from going over to her place which is not far away, as I had promised her that I would never behave as poorly as some men in previous relationships she'd had. I still need to get some things that I left at her place, but if she never does contact me that stuff won't really matter anyway.
She had been telling me for weeks that she loved me as much as I loved her, and I think that if I'm unable to ever see her again I might as well be dead!

than never to have loved at all".

I really believe that classic saying, shots, and hope you'll find it helpful.

I know you are in a lot of pain.  But you wouldn't be the man you are, if you weren't feeling it.  

Many men never reach that level of commitment and involved.  They're the ones who have really suffered.  In feeling what you're now feelingl, you're showing you have risen above that.

So, you deserve not just sympathy, but congratulations.

It's hard to see it now, but you'll find someone else, who will be able to give your inner feelings the loyalty they well deserve. And this will happen faster than you now think.

Being in "love" feels great even if it's short-lived. (I put "love" in quotes because after a failed marriage I'm not sure exactly what it means.)

I have some experience in the practical aspect of falling for a provider, as I'm am in a close relationship with one. Having verbally shared her "inner feelings" with you does not make you more special than some of her regular clients. You did not say how far your relationship has progressed, but if you were indeed her lover, she would be sharing her civilian life, problems, and even drama with you.

Scro is right.  A real relationship is hard work. It doesn't sound like you got past the honeymoon.
I've been where you are...your heart really does feel like it's ripping apart.
To balance your feelings, go see another provider.
Remember, they call it the hobby, not 'Who wants to marry a milionaire'.

I am so sorry about your loss! Breakups suck! Worse than anything I know! Being a provider myself, I can understand why she backed off. I have been in a relationship where I was told "your clients or me" and I chose my clients. A girl has to eat!
It's all well and good for our 'boyfriend' to say quit and get a 9 to 5. What you must remember is that we have grown accustomed to making a great living and being able to do what we want, when we want. How else could you two have spent so much time together? The other thing you must keep in mind, is that you are extremely lucky that she chose you! You!
Do you know how many clients ask us to date them?
An escort has to put up an emotional wall, while providing a very intimate experience for her client. Very few people get to see the 'real person'. You my friend, got that and more.
I'm sure she has no intention of quitting the business and she probably backed off because she doesn't want to hurt you and have you become jealous. If you want to continue to see her then you have to come to terms with her chosen profession.
Send her one more message, say it's the last one and then wait. Better yet, send some flowers with a note that says "I'm right here when you're ready."
Right now it's the best thing you can do. If she expressed her love for you then she's hurting too and probably misses you just as much. Be patient. I know it's hard! But she needs some space and will probably come to you if you give her a little time.

Thank you Lisa for your words of wisdom!
I went over and saw her at her place yesterday, She actually let me in and we talked. I told her about this discussion board and my post. I told her that I have a lot more understanding of the situation now and apologised profusely. I still cannot believe what a complete and total moron I am! I may not be able to reestablish what we had going but I'm praying that she might see me again some day, and I'm glad I didn't drive off a cliff yesterday!! She said to me almost everything word for word that you just said in your message. I still can't believe I was so stupid, I love her so much, and I crossed the line with her in so many ways I was truly lucky she even let me into her home again!! If I am given another chance to be with her I swear she will not regret it, I'll be nothing short of the understanding soul mate!, and I'd like to thank all of you on this forum once again!
I'm still alive!!

Us crazy guys are attracted to wild and free women and the very 1st thing out of our lips, them or me.......... just amazing to see time after time

usually stick with us longer. Good luck on rebuilding your relationship.

Always remember, she is who she is. If that's who you love, then learn to appreciate it. If you can't do that, then you need to move on.

Shots, I really feel for you, my man because I too have been exactly where you are now.

It took me two years to even get over her and I didn't know that a grown man could cry so many tears over a lost love. I thought about her every day and every hour, but she just didn't feel the same way about me.

You are going through the long night of the soul and I know it hurts like if you had an ice pick through your heart.

I too kept running the story over in my head, thinking if only I had said this instead of that. If only I had not called her that time, if only I had been more patient. If only I had been more cool.

We keep repeating the story hoping that it will have a different ending, but all we do is twist the knife and keep the wound fresh.

You need to separate yourself from your sad story.

The problem is that we allow ourselves to become too attached to people or things, but some people never learn that lesson. Actually, it's not SOME people, it's really MOST people who don't learn that painful life lesson.

There is a noble purpose of suffering. It is like life is burning away the impurities of your mind, but the pain will lesson if you let her go.

I wish you all the best, my man, but stop thinking about death and focus on life.  There are hundreds and thousands of beautiful women out there, but you can't even see them when all you're focused is on her. Let her go.