I used to be a "nice guy" too and had similar encounters. It's not them that has an issue-- it's probably you or maybe who you seek out. Too nice means too needy. It's odd but women seem to be attracted to men who are confident and put themselves first. When you date women who only date jerks learn to play the part and see how far it will get you. That's my 2 cents.

Re: I always get stuck in the friend zone.

Gee whiz, hawk5686,

It must be that time of the month again! Please check the thread a little below yours (see link) and nod your head gravely - that's what I'm doing right now.

Now as to what you can do if this is becoming a destructive emotional pattern:

Examine your life together with a psychodynamically oriented therapist. Yes, I know, it sounds like a big fat cliché, but guess what: it's not, it's good advice. Because clearly, you have some needs for attachment that seem to be directed toward unavailable people. As to why, that is not for us to speculate, but for you to find out in a process of deep self-examination.

I am not too hot for self-help books in this regard, mainly because they are far too simplistic and tend to address emotional issues from a rather superficial perspective. If you really want to amend something that may be characterological at this point, then you'll need to go into a much deeper analysis. Of course you can begin the process by self-examination, but my clinical experience tells me that people get stuck and then can't move forward. You need someone objective and skilled to help you break the cycle, particularly if "ALWAYS" has become part of your emotional vocabulary.

If you need referrals, please let me know which city and state you're in, and I may be able to help.

Go to serious work on it,
The Love Goddess

All the compliments and nice little things you do may be flattering and romantic at first, but they can become too much and you may appear needy, eventually becoming a turn off.

Being too nice is being a wussy.  Girls do not want to be with a wuss!  Try being funny and cocky.  Being cocky does not mean being an ass.

but, the only way you're going to find "yourself," to be "yourself," is through LG's recommendation. Good luck.

For confidentiality's sake, your city and state were deleted by me Log in and check your PM please.

Hope it will work now,
The Love Goddess

-- Modified on 8/31/2009 7:53:34 AM

hawk5686,

I have some disappointing news for you, people are fickle and vain, both men and women.

The new guy may "treat her badly" but she either is more attracted to his looks than yours or his more independent, cocky attitude than yours.

You will find if you work on making yourself more physically attractive and more emotionally confident in personality, you won't have girls putting you in the "friend zone". Being "too nice" comes across to girls as weak and needy, which is not attractive.

Best of luck,
Thicke