Rookie on SA for 10 days. Texting with a local POT. After I proposed meeting for coffee for a M&G, she tells me she needs to establish a rapport which may take 2 dates before she's comfortable being intimate. She asked for 150 for the M&G. Following the advice here, I declined and explained we both have to invest a bit of time to establish chemistry. If we meet and there is chemistry, is giving her 150 x2 for up to 2 dates before BCD reasonable? I understand her position, but get the sense here that this may simply be an easy way to make $300 with no sex. Help!
your total cost for any M&G should be the lunch tab and your carfare.
Keep looking.
Your instincts are correct. These are what we call 'rinsers' who will take your money and eat your food without any interest in going further. Presumably it works.. they prey on the new guys.
You could offer video chat as an alternative but don't hold your breath.
I can see paying for coffee, dinner, or maybe even transportation costs if we are getting to know each other in the M&G or date stage. But, if we are not intimate, I´m not paying.
I understand that her time is valuable and all of that, but so is my time. The same time that she says is spending with me to establish rapport and chemistry in the hopes of moving this thing forward is also the same time that I could spend with someone else.
You can buy them a beverage or sandwich, but otherwise they are just professional daters. Think Wedding Crashers without the wedding. You're getting took.
I establish two things before meeting for the first time.
1) No allowance for M&G only. (It's understood that I will cover costs of drinks, food, etc. Sometimes her Uber fare if *I* order the Uber for her.
2) She has agreed that we will proceed to BCD if we are both enthusiastic about that. She knows that's when she gets her allowance. Allowance is part of a complete arrangement. An arrangement is complete only if each party gets what they need from the arrangement.
Rockford
The purpose of a M&G is a BRIEF, no-obligation opportunity to find out how well you click.
I generally compare the M&G to a job interview. You ask and answer some questions, discuss goals and limits and decide if you want to commit to an arrangement. Noone pays a job candidate for the interview time, although the potential "employer" may pay for parking, beverages, etc. I generally try to schedule my M&G's between 2 pm and 4 pm, or after 8 pm to avoid meal periods. Paying $100-$250 for dinner at a M&G is just a poor use of resources. I mean, you will know in the 1st 15 minutes if you really want to move forward. What if you decide you don't before you have been served your dinner salad?
If she persists that her "time is expensive" I let her know that I charge $350 an hour for my professional consulting services, so let's both agree to invest 30 minutes in the potential benefits we will get from an arrangement. If she still persists, I tell her I'll pay for gas, parking, beverages, up to a max of $50. if she's not good with that, I wish her good luck in her search.
Then I move on, because there are always more POT's to meet. By the way, it is VITAL that after you state your final position, you STFU. Do not send her any more messages - ever. If you do, you lose. She may break and agree (maybe a 2% chance) or she may not - which means spending any more time on her is wasted effort.
I will note that there are others here who are quite successful with other formats. Namely, they set up the M&G with an option to go right to the BCD. I've done that a few times, but I generally do better scheduling a 1st date a few days out.
Life is good
The Cat