I'm somewhat new to this. I've seen two providers so far. They were both great, but I didn't have great experiences.

I am single, in my late 20s, work a lot, and occasionally date. It is not hard for me to get dates, and the women I date are attractive (theyd probably get rated 7-8 on here). Dating adds stress to my life, though, and I already get enough stress from work, so I don't really like dating. I also don't want to break hearts or lead girls on just to get laid. I decided to see providers because I thought it would be fun, and take care of my needs without the stress/drama of dating.

But my experiences have been a little disappointing. I have trouble getting into it. I might be in the mood when I call to book the girl, but by the time I see her, it has passed. I've never had scheduled sex before, and I'm not used to it. It also creates pressure: I HAVE to have sex, in a set window of time, even if I have no interest in it right then. I also am used to much, much more foreplay than what goes on even with the GFE types I went to. I guess I also tend to be more of a "giver" in bed, which doesn't seem to mesh well with seeing providers either.

Since I'm not into it, my own level of performance is a disappointment, which just makes things worse. I actually have to worry about staying aroused despite having a hot naked woman right in front of me. It feels forced.

So I'm not sure if this is just not for me, or if I'm just doing something wrong. I WANT to like it, but I feel like my mind wants this more than my dick does, lol. It is like seeing food and you think "that looks good!" but you aren't hungry at all.

That's right, lawfin,

Engaging in commercial sex acts IS NOT for everyone, on both sides of the fence. The interesting question is why you "want to like it." Why? Because a man is supposed to jump at every chance he gets to bone someone? Because it's in the tradition of men to pay for sex and for women to sell it?

The world is a big, varied place. If it's of any consolation to you, the majority of men do NOT hobby. Research studies that have attempted to assess rates come up with less than 5% of the general population. And just because TER exists and there are zillions of websites out there promoting providers doesn't mean that it's a widespread activity. In my work as a therapist I sometimes go out on a limb and ask male clients if they've thought of meeting with a provider. And guess what? The majority say that they are not interested, for a variety of reasons...some of which you describe in your posting. So if you're worried about being in a minority, relax. You're not. Having sex with paid women during a prescribed amount of time is not for everyone, simple as that.

My advice to you is to continue dating and living your regular life. If in the future you want to try commercial sex again, then do. In the meantime, understand that you can't have your cake and eat it too. Dating civvies requires a commitment and scheduling as well, although the thrill of the chase and the 'will she/won't she' might be what gets you hot, not the understanding that at 5pm on Wednesday, money will change hands and you will have sex. For some guys, yes, it's a mood killer. For others, it's something to look forward to and enjoy.

Diff'rent strokes,
the Love Goddess

Actually I have sort of the same issue. I don't like being intimate with total strangers. I found that if I book longer sessions and see the same provider on a regular basis the issue is resolved.

I understand the stess and sugest that maybe you do a little more investgating work on the girl you attend to see.I know thats asking alot,but it would help.
Like look over reviews for girls who are more affectinate,into daty,long sessions of forplay,
showering with you,and are flexable with there time.
Another place to find good info is on a girls
personal website.
Also try a little more communication with the girl(Sometimes it's hard to complete a fantasy
if you don't know what it is).It may be uncomfertable to talk on the phone so call and see if she would allow you to email her, some web sites allow contact through them, or maybe she is a member of a private board.

Hope you have better luck in the future

You will have to decide for yourself how many times you want to try it before you decide to give up on it. As a guy who has done this for about twenty years I can tell you in all honesty that I didn't really start enjoying the entire experience, and not just the orgasm, until a few years ago.  The only motivation I need to WANT sex when my appointment is scheduled is knowing that my hot little ATF is going to rock my world when I see her.  

As far as the foreplay and being a "giver", I can tell you that there are many GFE providers who love foreplay and love their multiple orgasms even more. No, every lady will not be into this, even many of the ones who have a "GFE" next to their name stop short of giving up much on the intimacy side.  It takes a little searching to find the right lady when you are looking for more of a connection than just a quick lay.  I can tell you that patience pays off.

There are some amazing ladies out there who do this for a living. Only you can decide if it is worth your while to keep looking or not.

-- Modified on 9/2/2008 10:54:49 AM

Of course there is nothing wrong with not enjoying seeing professional ladies. As LG points out, that is the norm. If you decide you want to try this, though, I would consider the following: 1. always book a two or three hour date. 2. Don't worry about performance with the lady you see.  Enjoy what ever you enjoy with the lady.  Enjoy the kissing and hugging and talking if that's what happens. Enjoy more if that what happens. Don't set any expectations. 3.Read the reviews carefully and try to see ladies who are more affectionate.  (In general, I find more mature ladies more enjoyable from this point of view.) 4. Try to see the same lady, if you have enjoyed being with her, repeatedly. If, after sufficient times, this doesn't work out, do what I did for the first many decades of my life: go back to civie dating; as you know, that is great fun too.

Why not work on removing the stress from your civvie relationships? Why does dating have to be stressful? Just enjoy yourself and, above all, BE yourself!

I'll be that if you can relax and be yourself you'll find no need to play games or lead people on to get laid.

It doesn't sound like you really need to use a provider.  Most of us that do, do so because we are attached and need a no-strings outlet for the passion that we do not get at home.  Also I think we tend to be older and have realized that even if we were single, none of the hotties we can rent would look at us otherwise.  Sure, its hotter to have a 'girlfriend' that just wants it, but the entanglements of that are usually just not worth the trouble.  Last time I found a woman that wanted to fool around 'no strings' it ended with her crying because I wasn't seeing her often enough.  That was that.  
Regardless, its nice to have the options you have, date or 'hobby' (where the hell did 'hobby' ever come from, anyway?).  Even when I was single the last time and getting women into bed fairly regularly, I would still see a provider now and then for the selfish pleasure of oral sex with no inhibitions about not having pleased her etc.  
Enjoy
MVR

Well it isn't about playing games, it is just that, because I put my work first, the women I date don't get to see me as often as they like, so one night a girl might say I'm amazing, she can't wait to see me again, etc, and the next night she might say that she met someone else. God forbid I actually liked this girl, you can imagine how getting your hopes up repeatedly then getting suddenly and without warning shut down can wear on a person.

To me, seeing each other once a week is fine. Women say they are fine with that, but then when they really start to like me, they aren't. When women are completely happy, they will make you happy, but when they get unhappy, they will make you unhappy, lol. I know I could meet the right woman and everything will be fine, but it is a roll of the dice and I know my odds are low, so why put myself through that? I have made a lifestyle choice my focusing on my career, and I never liked dating anyway. I was happy when I was in a long term relationship, but I'm very picky about who I'd get into one with because I really want them to last, and I know my odds are not good right now.

Since my odds are low of finding someone I like who will also be patient with my work schedule, I figured I would spare the women (and myself) the trouble by putting a stop to dating except maybe in rare, exceptional cases.

So that is where the providing comes in, like a patch to help me stop smoking, but with dating. Hah

Wimmin. Can't live w/ 'em, can't live w/o them. And can't have yer cake and eat it too. eom

-- Modified on 9/2/2008 4:40:08 PM

Believe it or not, despite being younger and single, I have the same problem of the "entanglements" that aren't worth the trouble, with women who complain I don't see them often enough.

I guess people say 'hobby' because 'whore mongering' sounds too crude, lol.

On paper, hobbying looks great to me, but it is definitely an acquired taste. I do want to give it a solid try because I think if I can acquire the taste, it would certainly add more fun and simplicity to my personal life at a time when I need both.

There was a time when I did think men are supposed to jump at sex every chance they got as long as the man is single and the woman is attractive, and I needed no deep rationalizations to do the jumping, my dick led the way.

The majority of men don't hobby because of the social stigma and illegality. When you look at expats in foreign countries where prostitution is de facto legal, cheap, and easily accessible, like in Thailand, I'd bet that the majority of men do it.

The reason I never had any interest in it until reading TER is because of (1) the scams, (2) illegality and fear of arrest/record, (3) I thought the women weren't that great looking anyway and advertised with fake pictures, (4) an ego thing: "I don't need to pay for sex!", and (5) that the few great looking women would be ridiculously expensive, and not worth it.

TER, in one fell swoop, eliminated all those concerns. I originally saw the site because a friend of mine was linking me profiles of BBW providers as a joke. Then I paid for VIP because the topic interested me, so I wanted to read the reviews and see what it was all about. Eventually, from reading the reviews I realized that this sounded like a pretty good idea.

And I still think so. The only problem is that I have a round hole that needs to be filled (I didn't mean for that to be as dirty as it sounds) and my d*ck is being a square peg.

Thank you Dr.

I think this is the most likely solution, it is just going to take some time to find the right woman. From the outset, I figured that I would be happier finding one provider I really liked and just sticking with her as a regular.

I'm sure if I meet the right girl, she can get me to keep coming back for more.

I see this as an acquired taste. Once upon a time, I was a super "nice guy" in bed (hence the giver thing), but then I learned that a lot of women really like a guy to be dominant in bed. I was not naturally dominant at all in bed, and I had to learn it from scratch. I was not into it one bit at first, but as time went on, I learned to get into it too, and I'm glad I did. So I think truly enjoying providers might be the same way. It might be something I don't have any natural taste for, but I think if I learn to enjoy it, I will be happier in the end.

By your own words, you tend to be a 'giver' in bed. This works for civvie relationships, but does not necessarily translate into the provider world.

Going to a full-service escort, you will bring all the same baggage with you as you would a civvie sexual encounter - 'will I be able to please her', etc. You need to get comfortable with being pleased, not just giving pleasure.

And besides, with most escorts, any attempt to 'please' her is a waste of time - they are just acting. This might change if you were to see the same girl several times and you liked each others' personalities, but definitely not on a first encounter.

My suggestion - go to a few 'massage parlors' instead of full-service providers. The massage girls are trained to focus on you and your pleasure. Lay back and enjoy the sensations of a girl laying her hands on you for a full hour. No expectations on your part - no need to 'try to give her pleasure' or to 'try to make her cum.' All that baggage goes out the window. Let her finish you off with a HJ or BJ.

Women LOVE massages, probably for the same reason - it's a guilty pleasure. For 1 hour, it's all about YOU.

That is true.  I don't like seeing new girls every time.  seeing the same provider, and a longer session, to not rush, will eliminate that issue.

That is true.  I don't like seeing new girls every time.  seeing the same provider, and a longer session, to not rush, will eliminate that issue.