No need to apologize, Robin-X,

Answers to your questions as follows:

1. Yes, the approach is excellent. The more self-disclosure you are able to present up-front, the easier it is for the provider to:

a) Decide if you and she are a match to begin with
b) Make a game plan to make you feel more comfortable
c) Experience a sense of achievement and pride in her work if she succeeds, thereby making the experience richer for both of you

2. "Human nature" is such that people fear the unknown and feel more relaxed when they are in the know (and hence in control.) The approach above puts the provider in control; if she is mature and understands the issue, then she will understand what you have explained and regard your body language as a manifestation of your problem which you have asked her to help you overcome.

3. No one except you can answer this question. If the provider tries too hard and gets self-conscious, then YOU may get self-conscious and the plan may "backfire." Choose someone with excellent reviews in the "cerebral" as well as erotic department, FWIW.

4.  See above for rooting out a smart/sexy professional - an immature or unintelligent provider (yes folks, there are those as well) may feel overwhelmed and refuse the appointment based on her own feelings; if that's the case, consider yourself saved from a disappointing experience in the first place.

It's too bad that you lost your ATF. On the other hand, it's good for you to learn to expand your repertoire in the presence of different types of women - keep trying and eventually you'll find someone you'll really click with.

To me, it seems you are going about this in the best possible way - with dignity and maturity. There is absolutely nothing wrong with describing part of your character to providers - if more clients were able to communicate their various emotional and behavioral patterns to providers, there would be less chances for a mismatch and less than optimal experiences.

You should do exactly what you have set out to do,
The Love Goddess

Dear LG

My question deals with interpersonal relations as applied to the client-provider relationship.

I am a very reserved person, and as a result, my body language tends to project the image of a closed person, not interested in communication. I have read about providers complaining about clients who don't talk much, and answer questions in one-word phrases. I remember one provider describing this type of behavior as "creepy". The usual natural reaction of a provider in such situations is probably to give the client what his body language seems to indicate that he wants -  a session without much conversation.

I am one of those clients who doesn't talk much, seemingly indicating a disinterest in conversation. In fact, the exact opposite is true. I am desperate for a conversation and some sort of connection with the provider, but have difficulty communicating that desire. Being nervous compounds the situation and causes me to shut down even more, if that is even possible. I have tried to smile and make eye contact at the start of my appointments, but my nervousness seems to get the better of me.

Also, because my first impression seems to signal to the provider that I am not interested in communication, I am essentially digging myself a hole that is harder to get out of. If I then want to make an effort to start a conversation at some point during the appointment, I must try even harder since I must first overcome the initial impression I have left - ie. that I am not interested in conversation!

My question, therefore, is: Can I compensate for my negative body language in the following manner? Is it a good idea to communicate the jist of hat I have just explained to a provider, via email, before making an appointment with her?  Essentially, I would be telling the provider, in advance, that even though my body language may indicate otherwise, that I was very interested in conversation during our time together. and that she should ignore any signals that my body language was sending.

Would this approach even work? Or is the nature of body language such that it is human nature to follow the signals sent by body language, even in the face of contrary information communicated by other means?

By using this approach, am I simply taking the easy way out, instead of making the effort to work on changing my body language? Am I simply coping out and putting the onus on the provider to make all the effort to establish the communication between us?

Will communicating this information to a provider back-fire and make me feel more self-conscious during our session, thus making matters worse?

Will this information make the provider feel uncomfortable and ill at ease and may even cause her not to accept my appointment?

To end this post on a positive and hopeful note I would like to mention that I have experienced one magical experience with a  provider, magical in the sense that she was somehow able to make me feel totally at ease being with her. We had a wonderful conversation  and  I felt that we established a connection. Near the end of the appointment she told me that I was very easy to talk, which is probably the best compliment that she could pay someone like myself, and a testament to how comfortable she made me feel during our time together . Unfortunately, she moved on and I have not been able to find her, and I have so far been unable to repeat this success with other providers. However, the experience does give me hope that if I can figure out how things came together during that one wonderful session, I might be able to recreate the experience with other providers.This paragraph may seem totally out of place with the rest of this post, but I did not want my post to be a total downer.

Getting back to my original question, I would appreciate any guidance you can provide. I do apologize for the length of this post.

Thanks,

Years ago I was taught by my therapist that when I feel unable to communicate, the best way to get over that is to simply communicate the fact that I am unable to communicate.

It was amazing how that broke down the barrier quickly.

Now, I have the opposite problem it appears.  Although a provider will always tell me that my talk is witty and charming, I recently had a therapist tell me that I tend to blather a bit; and they gave me an exercise on how to check that.

(mrfisher blather?  impossible! 8o)