Slightly related to the recent thread on non-BCD time with a SB....  

 
Not really a complaint, as she's knocking my socks off in BCD. Just an observation slightly influenced by a "sniff" of annoyance.  

 
My current #1 SB works 2 jobs, both as an IC (independent contractor). That means her work schedule varies from week to week as new job requests roll in from any of a dozen different clients. (No, "clients" is not a euphemism for Johns. LOL).  

 
The problem is those requests typically arrive on short notice. More than a few times, my plans for a full date include dinner, or a live music event or other non-BCD-time activity. She has genuinely enjoyed these activities as far as I can tell.  But maybe half of our dates end early when she tells me she has to get to bed early for a 6 am start the next day, or she has to meet someone later that day if we met for a "Nooner."  

 
Yesterday, we had a vigorous round of playtime that started with "Please fuck my face, Daddy" (while she was wearing a leopard-skin pattern set of lingerie she had purchased), and ended with a significant CIMWSNQNS. After we tidied up, she asked me to cancel our reservations at my favorite upscale Italian place as she had to be home early to catch an early morning train to San Diego. I mentioned that it would nice if we could more consistently complete our planned dates.  I also acknowledged that I understood why this happens and I went on to tell her that I will never ask her to give up paid work for me.   I just asked her to think about how she can manage her time and work... I think she took it well, and she agreed to be at least aware of her scheduling process when our dates are regularly scheduled on the same weekday, every two weeks.  

 
Not sure how/if this will change anything in the future. And I can't say at this point it may rise to "deal-breaker" level.  But still, I know it's better to discuss candidly now than to let it fester under the surface.  

 
Fortunately, I'm such a frequent and long-term Open Table user, they don't seem to be bothered by my 20-35% cancellation rate. (When I used Open Table for scheduling client dinners while still working in the Fortune 100 world, it was common to change or cancel an Open Table reservation when meeting plans changed.)  

 
So if you regularly engage in non-BCD activities with your SB, are you ever frustrated (that may be too strong a word) by plans that go sideways?  How flexible are you to her last-minute issues, especially if those issues could have been avoided if she really wanted to do so?  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

I recently had a date with a SB I've known for 7 years.  I had told her we'd meet at my hotel and go out to dinner afterward.  She showed up right on time, and we had a delightful romp in bed as usual.  But when I suggested we go get some dinner she said she didn't have time.  She had promised her sister, who is in a band, to go to her gig that night. So we said our goodbyes and I ate alone.  No big deal, but not the evening I had planned.  I wish she had told me about her plans sooner so I could have adjusted my expectations.

In 10 years I can't think of 5 non bcd dates.  But yesterday was gold. Met at her place for a romp.  Then we went to the beach.  Unusually warm in San Diego plus Spring Break had the beach bars jumpin.  Hit a few. Grabbed a late lunch. Then back to her place for bcd fun. 6 hours. $300. Best sugar experience in 10 years

Way to go! Those golden dates are what we wish for.

While I haven't had many of what you describe Herb I now have a general rule that if there is unpredictability (beyond the normal) I don't keep the arrangement. Would I do it with the kind of BCD experience you describe Herb. Maybe, but I'd put her in the category of B and B  and not schedule anything of consequence outside the bedroom. Avoids frustration and upset on my part.

My very dependable #1 SB forgot to put a date we planned on her calendar and scheduled a vacation the next day with flights early in the morning. After an art show and dinner she bailed to get up early. No BCD but I paid her her allowance. It's not like her, she made an honest mistake,  and I'll forgive her but it has caused me to pause scheduling evenings out. At least for the time being.

Sounds like these girls are getting you in the habit of being ok with shorter dates.  She can keep it BCD.  Doesn't have to worry about friends, family, boyfriend seeing her out with another guy.  

I'm pretty clear with my SBs that I have a time expectation.  If we are staying BCD, it's still 4-5 hours, sometimes 3.  But more sex is expected if that's the case.

I follow a similar rule/pattern.  I recently started a new arrangement with a sweet 33 year old.  I am having some reservations now as we have had 3 dates and some issues have started surfacing.  Things like not wanting to do oral uncovered due to it being new and wanted to get to know me better and concern about health.  I got a fresh set of STD tests to assure her that I was clean and there would be no issue of oral related infection.  On the third date (after the STD testing) it came out that she just doesn't enjoy giving oral. Hmmm.  She's hot and and likes getting fucked hard, but the oral thing kind of puts a damper on it for me.  I am thinking its not going to last because of that.

What's your ppm for these 4 or 5 hour dates? I think we are fishing in the same pond.  

What's your ppm for these 4 or 5 hour dates? I think we are fishing in the same pond.  

That's a hard rule for me. I MUST have oral, bare, hard, decent amount of time, sloppy, and eager to swallow (or at least CIM then spit) when I want to finish that way.   Obviously, her test concerns with you were just a diversion from the truth she did not want to share.  

 
Honestly, it clouds the critical issue of consent. There is an absolute need in this space to obtain unambiguous consent from each party. That is a key part of the sugar dynamic. Where civilian dating can often have a "one thing led to another" story that she tells her co-workers the next day to excuse her promiscuous behavior, sugaring requires that expectations be clarified and agreed-to in advance.  

 
Of course, either person can withdraw consent at any time. But doing so after you get naked and are pointing at her without using your hands is - problematic - if not diabolical.  

 
After dealing with past SB's who only objected to oral after I've dropped my shorts (I only WISH it was because they were scared by my size! LOL), I now make a point during the M&G of mentioning specific acts that are not only expected but enthusiastically welcomed.  

 
Bassrat51, it could be interesting to see if she changes her mind when you let her know not getting oral is a deal breaker.  My guess is she won't, which is sad considering the (presumed) level of effort each of you put into meeting, negotiating, and starting an arrangement.  

 
Life is good

 
The Cat

The only exception to that rule you might consider is previous abuse during oral.  One of my most amazingly beautiful SBs originally told me no oral.  I accepted it since she was so incredibly hot.  After she trusted me more, she told me every guy she'd gone down on had grabbed her head and forced her to gag!  I was appalled, and told her I consider that abusive behavior and would NEVER gag someone unless they asked for it.  (which has happened!)  After that, she agreed to give me oral and was quite good at it and enthusiastic.

4-500 usually.  Keep in mind, I'm also paying for dinner and whatever else we do.  She has to look hot, have great rapport with me, and some fun sex