When I am making love and starting to climax, I'll often say *I'm cumming* without premeditation. I suppose it is because I wish to share my orgasm, to increase the bonding or the intimacy. At times, it would take a conscious effort for me to suppress speech. Perhaps the rush of endorphins drives my exclamation.

Do we men tend to say this frequently? I mean, when inside your partner - not when warning her during BBBJ, etc.

My lady partners usually allow their orgasms to be self evident. Once in awhile a partner will say to me, almost with a voice of wonder or excitement, *Oh, I'm going to cum." This occurs more often during DATY, when she may also want me to keep doing what I am doing and not change gears.

The other day, making love in CG position, I blurted out *I'm cumming* to my wonderful partner, who was moving her ass magically and compellingly. Her response was sweet - she bore down upon me to engulf my entire member inside her, and she changed her hip movement to a circular grinding. It made sense to me (what she did was symbolic and responsive, and could have increased her own pleasure, too) but it attenuated my orgasm. I did climax, but it was a short, dampened climax.

Interestingly, this also shortened my refractory period. I felt like making love again much sooner than I usually would. Nevertheless, that was a couple of hours later, due to my age. By then, I was miles away.

Is it better for me to remain mute until my climax has run its course?

Not all partners respond with a change of movements, although most increase speed as a way of bonding or validating or celebrating.

Hiya codpeace,

You are asking "is it better [for you] to remain mute until my climax has run its course?"

I don't believe that censoring verbal expressions OF ANY KIND is a good thing during sex. This can lead to a whole host of problems like for instance "spectatoring," the cognitive monitoring of sexual performance. The sexual act can become excessively self-focused, non-erotic and performance-oriented.

Yes, I do believe that the spontaneous outburst of "I'm coming," or, as the Japanese would say, "I'm going," or any type of vocalization, is related to that endorphin rush we all crave. So keep screaming, drooling, clawing and in general act crazed with desire. It's good for you! If your partner gets a little out of sync, well, look at what happens - you feel like repeating, to squeeze the last drop out of that sexual high.

Round two usually does it
the Love Goddess

I usually proclaim my imminent arrival to my partner and God with either a straightforward declarative or some medley of guttural vocalizations.  I have also experienced how this sometimes leads to a change of my partner's movements and tempo that sometimes is not for the better (although it's never actually bad and it never prevents the finale).  I've found that many times if I establish a deep eye contact lock at that moment then she will focus on recipricating the stare and thus leave the movements and tempo as they were.  But otherwise as you suggest I think she changes in an attempt to increase your pleasure and/or attempts to ready herself to 'cum' along for the ride.

I also have to admit that I at times may be guilty of the same.  My DATY style is usually one that incorporates slow and deliberate licks, flicks and deep tongue action.  However I do notice that sometimes when she is reaching an impending O that I'll suddenly go harder and faster and in doing so perhaps I've broken her stride.  Because of this I try to make an effort to maintain my pace and action sequence and just hold on for the hip-thrust ride that follows.    

One last obvious thought:  It's easy enough to say 'keep doing it just like that' to inform our partners that they are doing just fine.      

-- Modified on 12/21/2006 8:26:21 AM

Cod, I'm a normally very talkative guy.  But being about to come is the one time I'm totally speechless (except for some non-verbal sounds).  

So what words to say to tip her off is a non-issue for me. It's beyond my control.

I guess it depends on cir"cum"stances. With some, it is a warning when CIM is not appreciated, or when she wants it on her body and not in the bag. Other times, when she is close, it's just a signal for simultaneous climax. Other times it's just part of OH GOD, as in THIS IS THE BEST FUCK TODAY! Also depends on the general level of vocalization throughout the entire session - some are much more quiet than others. - DC Board Member

Love Goddess .... cum to my house anytime u want

Heya LG

Your comments on censoring verbal expressions caught my eye.  I've always been a fairly quiet person (well, except when I get a keyboard in my hands (g)) and I've always found myself a bit quieter during sex.  I think I've even broken into just staring up (or down) at the lady, sort of like I'm glued to the television; and it has weirded out one or two women (not that I can blame them).

Can you elaborate on "spectatoring" please?

Thanks.

Hi there NDGeekboy,

The legendary pioneers of sex research, William Masters and and Virginia Johnson were the first to coin the expression in 1970. Spectatoring simply means when people self-focus as a cognitive distraction, which then becomes a sexual dysfunction in itself. M&J suggested that focusing on oneself from a third person perspective during sexual activity, rather than focusing on one's sensations and/or sexual partner, can increase performance fears and cause negative effects on sexual performance.

There are therapeutic interventions which address spectatoring. They involve redirecting the focus of attention from oneself to one's partner, or focusing on and enjoying one's own sensations of being pleasured. Basically, it's all about ceasing to be so self-conscious and to stop worrying about "what happens next."

I think it has very little to do with being very quiet, unless you deliberately censor yourself, go quiet  and begin analyze your own performance during the sexual act.

It's OK to be quiet and stare - maybe you just get hypnotized by good sex,
the Love Goddess

I've tried being less vocal, if possible, for the same reason.  I find if I articulate my response at a critical moment, a man tends to go faster or harder, and although it may feel great, it messes up the arousal level I had reached that may have taken me to a climax.  Maybe women are different in this way, but for me, doing the same feel-good thing but a bit longer or possibly going slower (depending) would be better.  I know it is all about communicating your needs, but the problem with me is at that lightning-quick moment, I do not have the presence of mind to say "I'm almost there, please god, do not change what you're doing one little bit"  Maybe I should practice that.  

Many when the earth starts to move for me ....  I'm yelling I'm calling out to the heavens I'm slapping her ass and she knows I'm pounding for home ....  The neighbors KNOW I'm pounding my babe.

In the BJ department, my hands slip behind her head and I pull her gently down on me for DT as I let her know I want he to take it all deep ...

Rarely am I refused and as I'm cuming she knows I want her to swallow it all.

So gimme sex .... with sound effects added.

Muff



A quiet lay their like a log or whimper climax are