LG, these questions come up frequently, as the recent thread from Rae Monroe attests.  I'm very curious whether there is any really reliable statistics on this.  For example:

Among married adult males, what percentage see professional providers on a reasonably regular basis?

What percentage among the adult male population as a whole, married or single?

What percentage of married males have "cheated" -- either with a professional or with a civvie?  

Is it more likely that married men would "cheat" with a provider, or a civvie?   Why?

I've looked for reliable figures, and all I've found is an estimate somewhere that only 10% of adult males see providers.  I don't believe it.  

Any thoughts?  Many thanks for any insights.

Dear Barnaby08,

There ARE no reliable statistics, for obvious reasons. Kinsey estimated that fewer than 2% of all US married males saw providers and that was back in the day, before the birth control pill and women's liberation.

Cheating in general, among married people of both genders, has been estimated to 30% or less. Again, these studies are few and far between, because they don't really have any reliable stats and/or wider social implications. The "Sex in America" study by Gagnon and Laumann in 1994 was so roundly criticized because the sample was found not to be representative. Random sampling is nearly impossible to do in these studies. I mean, what can you really do? Call people up and ask them to tell you about their infidelities? Send them questionnaires and hope they come back with truthful answers?

That's why the Kinsey studies have been so cited - because no one else has attempted to replicate them. And Kinsey did not use a representative sample either, he used the results of only Caucasians of lower-middle to middle-class backgrounds. Of course some of his results are showing their age now, which is to be expected.

Yes, I'd say appx 2-10% may be fairly accurate. Again, this website paints a different picture. As for me, with all the zillions of people I've met in my lifetime, both as a clinician and as a private individual, a minority of these guys and only one woman were into paid sex. Most of them got it for free - mistresses, secondary girlfriends, lovers on the side, serial monogamists - the list goes on with people willing to do it for free, LOL.

Why not wait for my study on the hobbyists of TER? Should be finished by mid- to late 2009 or so....

the Love Goddess



-- Modified on 11/7/2008 1:28:11 PM

Thanks, LG, as always very insightful.  But I think a lot of married men go to providers for reasons that are familiar to all TER readers; electrifying experiences with lovely women with no entangling emotional and other alliances; discreet encounters less problematical than a prolonged affair with a civvie, etc.  A lot of us want that kind of experience for therapeutic and psychological reasons, plus the thoroughgoing enjoyment of great sex, WITHOUT upsetting otherwise satisfying marriages and domestic arrangements, children, friends, community standing, and behaving like Spitzers.  I'm obviously speaking for myself only, but I believe our numbers are legion!

of the men who do have sexual relationships with someone other than their spouse or SO; what % are with professional sex workers versus affairs with workmates, neighbors or hookups on line or at bars, etc.

My guess is that the later far outnumber the former, which is kind of sad in a way.

and chapter 1 does have some statistics on this very question. The book is Sex for Sale, edited by Ronald Weitzer, Routledge, 2000. I quote from pages 1-2.

"Large numbers of people buy sexual services and products. In 1996, 26 percent of Americans (35 percent of men, 19 percent of women) reported that they had seen an X-rated video in the past year.(4) Far more people, of course, have seen such a video or film during their lifetime. In 1991, 11 percent of the population said they had seen a stripper in a club in the past year, and about 0.5 percent had called a 900 phone sex number in the past year.(5) An earlier poll found that 31 percent had attended a topless nightclub at some time in their life, 11 percent in the past year.(6) (There are 2,500 strip clubs in America,(7) though many cities have tried to ban them in recent years.) By early 1999, the percentage of the population that had visited an adult site on the Internet was 17 percent.(8) And a significant percentage of American men have bought sex from a prostitute. A 1994 national poll found that 18 percent of men (and 2 percent of women) said that they had "ever [since age 18] had sex with a person you paid or who paid you for sex."(9) Another major survey found that 16 percent of American men ages 18-59 reported that they had paid for sex at some time.(10) In Britain, one-tenth of men under the age of thirty-five said they had bought sex from a prostitute,(11) and in Canada 7 percent of men reported they had paid for sex.(12)"

I hope that helps. (The numbered sources are given in the chapter notes, but I won't bother to copy them here unless requested.)

-- Modified on 11/8/2008 12:49:52 AM

Good for you, mathesar,

I'm inclined to believe that the Canadian study results are quite reliable, simply because their laws on prostitution are slightly different (depending on where you are in Canada) and their population is slightly more homogeneous (and smaller than in the US). Also, such studies there are mostly state/government funded, whereas here, there are all sorts of competing interests that can actually influence the results.

Happy reading,
the Love Goddess

Dear Love Goddess:
I know that you are currently doing a study on this subject but in addition to how many might have extra marital sex another question which you should ask is why are they doing it? That would also be as varied also as well as the other question that you asked is who would they be doing it with. When you have all of these questions answered then you should have an interesting study on the impetus of infedelity.

Dear duplicitouslust,

My research is not going to be about infidelity and married men, it's going to be about the demographics and the behaviors of those who use the Internet and review websites to avail themselves of commercial sex workers' services. If I wanted to do a study of infidelity and married men, I would have to go way beyond TER.

When you do proper research, you have to ask yourself a valid research question. Then you form a hypothesis. Since I am not interested in "the impetus of infidelity," simply because the question itself does not provide a straight answer as to behaviors/reasons for men to use review websites, this question will not be asked or answered in the study.

There are many studies out there that aim to provide a percentage of men who cheat. My issue with these studies is that they do not provide a representative sample, nor do I find the question particularly interesting. But you can find lots of such data in many studies. As to "married men and providers," I don't believe there are any that address "providers" the way we conceive of them on TER. But there are studies that survey men who have entered diversion programs after having been arrested for soliciting street prostitutes. The main go-to guy for that research is Martin Monto. Look him up and maybe you'll find something.

Enjoy the search,
the Love Goddess