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The Erotic Highway

Rape Fantasy Vs. Reality of Fantasy
Addicted_2_Love 10651 reads
posted

Dear Love Goddess,

I am a provider and have a very Dom/Sub relationship with my boyfriend. We met as provider/client and have progressed to BF/GF.

He is extremely dominant and I am extremely submissive. We mesh in every single way. He can make me cum just by telling me to...that is the power of his voice over me and my attraction to him.

We have discussed for some time the dynamics of a Rape Fantasy. Which, to me, means complete and deliberate loss of control. It is erotic to me, but I would of course, only want to engage in something like this with someone I both love and trust like I do him.

So on Tuesday evening we decided that it was the "night". Without going into too many details of what actually transpired during the event...suffice to say it was an emotional and powerful event for the both of us.

I enjoyed it so much as did he. Now, however, I truly believe that he is wrestling with some issues because of it. During the "rape" he smacked me several times, which is something that I specifically asked him to do before hand to which he would give me no "yes or no" answer as to whether or not he would do it.

I have never been hit before in my life and he has never hit anyone, certainly not a woman before, in his life. Now I believe he feels tremendous guilt because of it....not because he did it but because we both enjoyed it so much.

Even though we are engaged in a nearly complete dom/sub relationship he would never ever "beat" me....spankings on the bottom aside he has never laid a hand on me and certainly not to this extreme.

I am struggling to come to terms and to help him come to terms with this development in our relationship. Due to what society considers right and wrong he is really struggling with his feelings about smacking me and how it made him feel.

I think that he enjoyed it so much because of the fact that I enjoyed it so much...

How do I reasonably assure him that he is not an "abuser" or a "monster" just because he enjoyed what happened? He said that he is going to have a hard time concealing "what he is" to his friends and family. When I asked him what he meant he did not give me a clear answer at all.

He and I push the envelope on our relationship and that is one of the major attractions for me. I want someone who is unafraid to at least try something new with me.

Love Goddess7332 reads

Dear Addicted_2_Love,

I almost feel like saying to you: this is NOT the right forum to discuss these issues, as many people on this board are not members of the kink community and may in fact have difficulty understanding the deeper satisfaction in BDSM.

On the other hand, it is not for you to help your boyfriend come to terms with his beliefs and this development in your relationship. He must find his own answers, as they are intimately tied to his boundaries and what he considers appropriate and exciting FOR HIM. Only if you become negatively impacted does this become an issue for you both. The same goes for him, although it doesn't seem that he was impacted by YOUR actions - it's more a question of what "society" might think about all of it.

What you can advise him to do is read the writings of Jay Wiseman, an attorney and BDSM specialist with a long history of publications, being an expert witness in court on erotoasphyxiation, a master of bondage, and yes, a top in his own right. Jay has his own website and is very connected with the worldwide BDSM community. One of his well-known books is SM 101: A realistic introduction, available on Amazon and the like. I suggest that anyone interested engaging in BDSM should read this book.

Jay is also not averse to corresponding with people about these matters. If your boyfriend feels the need to communicate with him, it would be worthwhile since we're talking male dom-to-male dom, which has its own implications altogether. My suggestion is to contact him. Another way of dealing with this is to join the Janus Society or another BDSM community close to you. If you are both going to play, you might as well get experts at it and enjoy communing with others who are like-minded.

Enjoy playing,
the Love Goddess

-- Modified on 10/16/2008 10:20:14 PM

Related Link: Jay Wiseman

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Addicted_2_Love6893 reads

I knew you would have some good ideas. Thank you very much.

~A2L

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MarkusKetterman7534 reads

Hello LG - I have met quite a few providers who I experience as having submissive tendencies. This really speaks to the dom in me. However, I have met none who are interested in BDSM with a dominant male client. Even when the lady in question knows the client well. Interesting. I'd bet some of these ladies participate in their personal lives. Maybe it's something held in reserve, personal. May subs after all are somewhat dedicated to a particular dom, at least for a time. As I've aged, my tendencies have softened a bit, and I am able to enjoy a GFE experience. Any gratification to my particular kink comes from local community. Hmmm.  I wonder if there are enough of us to consider having a BDSM board? Waste of time I guess given that this does not seem to be terribly compatible with the industry, unless one has submissive tendencies (shudder). Cheers - Gregory

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RaeMonroe6594 reads

I don't know about most ladies but I do practice BDSM with my clients....to each their own. I think it would be a great addition to ter.

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livie7287 reads

I also but not as sub.

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livie6727 reads



get Jays' book it will help you to understand All that  you are both feeling as you explore this new totally exciting endeavor.  After reading this book I am at peace with my self and really don’t care what any one thinks about it.

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