I tried to post in the general discussion section, and don't know why but could not see my post for a long time, maybe that's not the right section I should post. So, here I am and wish I can get some help from nice people here. Thank you.

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Hey, I just found this place it seems to be pretty good one, I mean, it's not like other websites, nothing but naked pics and XXX videos.......

I have a question to ask girls here and would appreciate if you could help me analyze it.

I am a graduate student and TA in some university. I teach a course in the summer session. It's about 2 hours and 10 mins long, but I always give my students 15 mins' break. I want to a nice one and regard them as my friends, so we talk about during the break. There is one girl, freshman, kinda special. She asked me my age, whether I have a girlfriend, and when she saw my cell phone, she asked what kind of ringtone I have. Well, it still seems to be OK. Today it's the last class of this session, and I gave a bonus quiz to them at the end of class: I asked a random question and they would get credit if they put their names and something on the paper. My question is: what do you wanna talk about if you meet someone for the first time? When I checked answers, I found her paper facing down, and on the paper, besides her name, there were three letters only: sex. Then I remember that, when she turned it in, her eyes looked a little different.........

Some one told me she might be flirting me (to get good grade?), or something else........but what could it be? I know it'd not be a good idea to mess up with your student, and I admit that She is very pretty. I just want to know what's in her mind, and........well, I think I'd better know what's in her mind first, then I know where I can go.  BTW, the final is in the next week. I think I should pretend that nothing has happened and wait till the summer session ends first........

I believe girls know girls better, so any word from you would be greatly appreciated. If any guy could give me some good idea of what's going on, it would be same good and samely appreciated. Thx.

Dear Bruce614,

Well, here is what a licensed psychotherapist,PhD cand., certified sexologist AND an occasional university lecturer thinks: IGNORE IT AND DON'T THINK ANY MORE ABOUT IT. PERIOD. Yes she is flirting with you, and yes she is baiting you. She may be flirting because she actually finds you attractive, or for good grades, or both. In any event, forget about it. And you know why.

"Girls know girls better?" Hmmm...maybe. Or maybe those of us who have been around the block, whether male or female, know that young people of both genders are evolutionarily primed to act very forward, in the quest to fulfill their genetic imperative.

Mercifully, many girls today honor their sexual feelings and try to act upon them instead of guarding themselves from physical enjoyment like Fort Knox. And I'm sure your status as TA adds to the forbidden excitement. But unfortunately, it's not as simple for you. Believe me when I say that if faculty or administration gets wind of anything like this, they can ruin your future academic career, if that's what you're aiming for. I've seen it happen with my own eyes and it was carnage, to say the least.

So that's it. Fuhgeddabout it. And yes, next time you have a psychosexual question, come on over on this board.

Good luck with your studies,
The Love Goddess

It's like if I told you not to think of an elephant, only worse.

Of course everything LG says about the trouble is very true, so avoid this gal at all costs, but to make sure you don't sucumb to temptation, find yourself a professional sex worker pronto and live out your fantasies with her.

a physics "appreciation" course a gorgeous young coed (dating myself here) came up to the lectern and deposited an apple for the teacher.

returning to my office my TA and i inspected the apple carefully and discovered a slit the sixe of a razor blade.

careful dissection of the apple revealed the content of the slit: a folded piece of paper with a telephone number on it. we destroyed it.

now it's been a long time since that happened so i can't say that putting it out of your mind will work but i can guarantee that filling your mind with other happy things is the way to go.

If you have any aspirations of a career in academics, absolutely ignore it. Nothing good can possibly come from it. And if you plan to continue in academics get used to it too. She might be the first girl to come on to you, but she likely won't be the last.

I have to admit, there is something extra sexy about a professor. I remember being utterly smitten by my college chemistry teacher. Man was he drop dead sexy. What can I say? We girls just can't help it. I flirted outrageously with my chem professor, but he either was not interested, or had the good sense not to respond. Either way, that was in his best interest. When I was flirting with him, I wasn't thinking about the damage I could do to his career. I was just flirting with "forbidden fruit" who just happened to be dead sexy at the same time.

For her, you are a temporary interest. For you, she represents the potential to bring your career to an abrupt and messy demise.

Got it and thank you for your analysis from a girl's viewpoint. To be honest, I can tell that she behaved a little differently sometimes in some situation. I know I'd better not have any issue with my students, former or not, but my situation is kinda delicate. I don't have a girlfriend because I did not want to. I am getting into my 31 in four months and, maybe because I am a nice guy, all family memebers, friends try to get me a girl: they say it's the time now. I am gradauting soon, in about one year, and curious about whether I should be a single. It's a question now. hehe.

Thank you for reply first. I am not obsessed in this issue and just kinda curious about what she thinks. To be frank, I am good in my own way, and it's really not hard for me to get some good girls if I want to, I mean, there are so many good girls in this world. If you pay attention, every girl has something on her that you can appreciate. Sometimes, girls are good not only becuase they are good, but sometimes more because you make them good, or better.

Like this forum more now. hehe. thank you again for your reply.

Thank you for sharing your story. I think I get what you mean. hehe.

Thank you for your reply and your  ID is pretty interesting.

I agree with you and there could be a carnage if I did not act/react properly, and I don't think it's a bad one for me to have such an experience in my career: I could deal with it better next time.  Actually  I am a foreigner and I am from China. If you know our culture a little bit, I am kinda traditional one. Well, I should add some limits on being traditional. My way of thinking and life style are more American-like: like to have fun, like to make friends, like to help people around, like to work out (I exercise everyday, so, though I am 5'7 only, my body shape is really athletic and I practice martial art too). While I am kinda outgoing, I am also conservative in sex and some other social issues, I mean, I am more Southern-American-like.

Anway, as I said before, I think this website/forum is a good one, I mean, though you might learn something from those xxx videos, you have much more to think and learn to get in and have a good relationship. We are human beings, not animals. I admit it'd be definitely great if you are really good at sex, and guys should work on it too, but this does not mean that, if you have sex with more girls, you'd be better. This is a good and healthy forum for you to learn you what you need to know and to solve your erotic issues/problems. I will definitely come here more. BTW, nice to meet you too.

The feelings one can have, and their intensity, can be indistinguishable from those where there is a great discrepancy between the two people in professional power and prestige, and those when there's not. The latter however arise from a more substantive place, where attraction to the other person is based more on his/her inherent personality, and perhaps common dreams, aspirations and goals in life.

Too many people, in the situation you describe, go by how good it feels in the moment, while ignoring the long-term dangers. As LG and others have sad, steer clear, and do not give any ambiguous messages.

Things have to be clear and they will be clear. Thank you for your reply.

... it was considered SPAM as you posted the same on several boards.

... and have found this phenomenon to be fairly common. I am NOT (IMO) "drop dead sexy" or even "sexy." I'm not a toad, but there's just no *physical* reason why some 20-something college student should prefer me to a contemporary.

So I think in my case it has been more a matter of "girl digs authority figure." (i.e. hypergamic tendency)

I've always politely declined that sort of tomfoolery for a variety of reasons; even though what teaching I do is incidental and not related to specific career goals.

I recommend that other guys do the same. What possible good can come from fooling around with a 20-something student?

That having been said, I have a friend who is a full professor who routinely sleeps with students. I suspect he gets one girl from every class. But he lives a charmed life in that regard and one day his luck will undoubtedly run out.

Life is short, you will not lose your TA position or grad student status...remember this...any pussy you pass up is pussy you will never get...

Have a great day!

I'm very impressed with the caliber of the post and responses on this question.  Well said all!

Bruce, as a master's student, you've been extremely focused on your academic career.  All of your resources, emotionally and physically, have been devoted to success with graduation.

Yet, the same extraordinary intent with which you exert toward academics, typically leaves one vulnerable--as the personal life/issues/needs tend to take a backseat.  Master's work requires so much.

You know how to deal with academic challenges, with professors, and with research.  It's been the focus of your life.

This girl's so-called "attention" smacks your senses because it prods into your sexuality, something that you may have not paid attention to during your academic work.  In other words, it got under the skin of your normal barriers.

The conflict you feel emotionally actually has nothing to do with her, except that she was merely the stimulus.  You have denied yourself for so long with your life's personal wants, and now that you're close to graduation, the pressure is likely building within.  You can see daylight, so to speak.  She is merely a stimulus to the conflict of wanting to focus on yourself for a change.

It isn't so much what she thinks or feels for you, Bruce.  It's all about your feelings of long-time self-denial of gratification--I don't mean sexually.  Like I said, master's work is intense.  Doctorate work is insanely intense.  You've probably gotten used to the stress level, but, believe me, it's not normal.

I can tell you from experience: In years to come, you will be proud and feel great confidence by NOT falling into this form of self-destruction.  There is great comfort in these feelings.

thank you talon7979, but you mean I should have a try?? There would be nothing happening before the end of the summer session, but you mean the girl and I could become friends (not for sex) after that?

Thank you for letting me know it.

First I thought more people might be able to see it in genereal discussion session, but I did not know it really takes a while for posts to be approved (I was so naive in understanding "it would be approved soon")...........

anyway, I don't think I could have so many interesting things happened in just a couple days.

routinely sleeps with students? that's not nice........I just happened to be a single and in a status of not having a girlfriend and want to know what's in her mind.........

Yes, it'd be great if you are physical attractive, but what makes you charming is more than that. girls and guys they need the one for themselves, the type they need for themselves. Be understanding, caring, and loving and even matured.......this is what we should do. Thank you for your reply and suggestion........

Well, maybe I can tell you more: I ever declined sex requests from my kinda girlfriend since I wanted to keep it till marriage, and the result is that I lost her. To be frank and honest, I am kinda hot man and get a lot of attention wherever I am, and it's not easy to keep your virginhood when you were 28(while they say all good words to you, many of them kinda laughed at you, and girls doubted about many things about you, even xxx ability. it's ridiculous, isn't it?). I lost it one year later because of not wanting to a virgin anymore, or partly of that result. Sex could make a person stupid. I am glad that I was stupid only for a while. I quit soon because that's not what I want, though I was told I was the best one that she met. I know I am not, at least for the first few times(true for all virgins, right?). I only spent some time learning how to be a good one and i am a caring person.


Thank you for your reply, tsCAT99. I am kinda busy recently and glad to see many replies, advice and suggestions. I think I know what I should do: just do what I should do, but nothing would happend before the end of the summer session.  

now I am going to tell you what I tell my kids when things become an obsticle in their lives and she is an obsticle, nothing more!
I tell them to keep your eye on the prize! Don't allow them to sway you from what you are doing there. Its an ego booster for sure but in the end it may not even be about you, just a control issue and manipulation.
pass right by it, Keep your eye on the prize!!!

And nothing is a better test than going after an authority figure who is supposed to be off limits.

I experienced this in grad school as both a resident hall director of a coed dorm and as the graduate assistant of the marketing department.  Even though I was married, and everybody knew I was married because my wife and I lived in an apartment in the dorm, I still had at least half a dozen girls test the boundaries as well as the limits of what they could get by using their sexuality.

My wife and I talked about it frequently because I wanted her to know exactly what was going on, and hear it first from me.  After a while, it became quite entertaining for the both of us to witness, and sometimes they even did mildly inappropriate things in front of her almost as if to challenge her or flaunt their powers!  

It's really not that surprising if you think about it.  Young women of that age are given a woman's body and a sexuality that comes with incredible powers attached, yet, they've barely had time to read the instruction manual.  It's like giving an M-16 to a child- someone is bound to get hurt.  A certain percentage of women will go through life using their sexuality for as long as they can, and I think those types of girls get headed in this direction very early- probably in junior high school the first time they notice guys staring at their developing bodies.  We certainly had these girls in my schools, and I've seen them in business too.

If you ask me, it's kind of amazing it's not more common because it would be easy for young women to go crazy with power when they suddenly become the recipients of the most powerful weapon known to man- a female figure!

-- Modified on 6/21/2009 8:49:13 PM

thank you and I will let her go........

I was a part-timer teaching a night class at a community college. The young lady, who I had spoken with during breaks several times during the semester, came up to me after class and asked if I would give her a ride to her car. It wasn't an unreasonable request. Faculty (even part timers) got to park in a close lot and students often were stuck with parking in some fairly distant lots. And it was after 9:00 P.M. and the campus was fairly deserted.

We got seated in my car and I turned to her to ask where she was parked. She looked at me and said, "I'm not usually this forward, but ...," grabed me, and stuck her tongue down my throat.

The MOST powerful weapon is the human mind.

A mind that can process likely consequences and say NO trumps the power of the female figure.

don't tell me that there was actually some romatic story following........hahaha.......

this surprises me a little bit,  it's something I have to face, like it or not........

with "The MOST powerful weapon is the human mind", and don't know if it's true that the second one is the female body. For me, maybe b/c I am a guy, it's not true. hehe.

in America it happens all the time. a lot of guys have had the experience of having their teenaged and early twenties daughter's girlfriends get a bit too flirty for comfort.

i could tell my own story but it is a little too close to home to detail. the short of it is that a young lady had to be sent back to the wing where the young folks were camped out. sternly.

You are right. I am from China. I am a little suprised because, as a guy, I know that you could be really a catch. Same story could happen in any country and of course including China, if you are good enough. Glad to hear more from you but it might inconvinient to contain more details here. Nice to meet nice guys like you, not_for_attribution.

to have a real life discussion on this forum.  It would be nifty to get more non-hobby discussion.  The ethics of this situation was an easy one for the LG.  Knowing her strength of character and also an extremely honest professional.  I get more value on this board.

The ethics were the only question- just because you add the sexual component it doesn't change the temptation to eat of the poisonous apple. Temptations ala money, sex, drugs.. they are all the same.  Sadly we live in a society that would even question if we should even do it at all.  I really don't want to sound judgmental of the TA- I am probably just a jealous 62 year old  guy who has had the pleasure of boinking some beautiful college age (18-21) girls.

Since it was a night class, she was an adult (early 30s at the time, I would guess).

It wasn't for a grade. Her grades were fine and she continued to do good work in the class, but I was very nervous.

I was lucky. Even though I had another full-time career, I enjoyed teaching and would have hated to see it come to an end. (And, yes, in 16 years of teaching this was my only physical involvement with a student.) Fortunately, there were no consequences as far as my teaching was concerned.

The sex was the best civilian sex I've ever had before or since, although I've since found a number of escorts who are as sexually intense as she was. (And, yes, that does make me wonder about her background. I never met any of her friends although she met several of mine.)

She wanted to get married. However, I didn't completely lose my head. Outside of the bedroom, there were a number of warning signs. I ended up marrying another girlfriend and I never had any regrets. (My wife, who I married after the affair with the student, died of cancer in 2007. I am currently widowed.)

Very many years ago, I used to teach a not for credit program both on & off campus.  I was single & often made friends with young women in the class.  I never let it get intimate while they were my students.  On a few occasions, it went further after the program ended.  I only taught the entry level program.  
On one occasion, I lost a (female) friend when she became stressed & did not want to complete the physical fitness portion of the final.  I gave her all the time she needed but the course standars had to be upheld.  

In any event a blatant SEXual overture is crossing the line.  See if she takes steps to become friends but do nothing while she is under your supervision.
skb

first time i ever taught was one of those science for poets classes. there were a half dozen girls out of a class of 120 that were especially attentive in a flirty way when coming by my office with questions. 5 were quite gorgeous and the 6th made up for it with a really sweet and wonderful personality. not kidding here.

anyway, i am easy going and not up tight when flirted with so i'd smile and not quite flirt back in play. but i gave no breaks and simply answered questions.

at the start of the next term i received a dinner invitation. it turns out that all 6 knew each other and lived in the same complex really appreciated my help and decided to do something special. so they had me over, made me a meal and were very entertaining.

there was no fooling around BTW but it was a wonderful evening that i remember very well  after 35 years.

sometimes the flirting has more sometimes less interest in actually having sex behind it. another reason not to presume.

and even if true, if he get's the reputation, early in his academic career, that he sleeps with students, he's not likely to get much more offered to him regarding teaching opportunities.

Thank you Mathesar for your story and I am sorry about your wife. Your case is similar to mine. That's girl need not worry about her grade at all, so I don't think she is on that purpose, and she might not be interested in me either. She might be just a naughty girl. Anyway, I will pretend that nothing has happened and nothing is gonna follow up either.  

Wishes........

Thank you for your reply and I need to read your message again to know what I should put here. I personally prefer to use other words than temptation: aspiration, ambition, or even dream. No matter which word you use, you use it as a drive, as motivation, pushing work toward it. I don't do drug at all(actually I don't even drink soda). It's really not a hard thing for me to fool aroud with girls and have sex with them. To earn big money (legally), you just need to know the rule of the game and be good at it, be concious of what's going all the time and work hard. I changed to my current major from a very hot one. I am stupid sometimes, but generally, I am not. I simply have some idea(s) in my mind. Sometimes I want to be a bad guy, because I want to what our society is like, how I should act in such a society. I seem to know more and more about this society, or I actually have known it long time ago, but it just begins to make sense recently.

One thing for sure: everyone wants to be good, and just work on it. :=)

Thank you for your suggestion, SKB. I simply let it go, since this might be the best way to deal with this issue. I am kinda busy now and don't get involved in such kind of issue.

PS. my opinion is that the best is the right one. You might have many choices, but you will choose one only. :=)

thanks for sharing with us your story. It's pretty interesting to be invited by six beatiful girls and have a dinner with them and I believe that'd be a good memory in your life. Don't worry about sex. I have been teased much more directly and I can still hold myself. I will let her go and that's it.  I also think following is true: if you want to be a catch, get really nice girl(s), you yourself need to be good enough first. Don't just dream. We need action. I believe most friends here can see and have seen much more than I could, and I am so glad that I learn a lot from all replies here. Each of you teaches me something, and thank all of you here...........

I'm being serious and when I'm having a little fun using humor to make a point.  

-- Modified on 6/24/2009 1:34:18 AM

DON'T BITE!  It will only cause you trouble in the long run.
It's a huge fantasy for a young woman to be disciplined or kept after class by her teacher.

I taught graduate level for a few years at a major university, in a program where grades are even more important or your ass is booted from the program.  I had accepted the fact of getting the occasional flirt (gotta be brain dead not to see it) to get favors but even more surprised by the few "I'll do anything to pass the course" statements passed my way in one form or another.  Not talking 18 yo but more mid 20-late 30's types and in one case married with kids.    

Yes, I passed it all up - as I learned long ago not to shit where you eat.....

However,  After one term was long over I hooked up with a student in her late 20's who had come on to me during that term.   We carried on for almost a year till she graduated and moved on.

Hopefully, she'll lean down to pick it up and come face-to-face with Mr. Happy.

Her reaction will give you your answer.

good luck!