I met one woman who had a very scary experience with BDSM; she actually though he might kill her and dump her nude body in a ditch. In the end she wasn't physically harmed very much but it was a scary experience that still affected her a couple of years later and put her off bondage for life. Another sub wasn't so much a sub with me, just very open minded and enthusiastic about what went on BCD so long as it didn't involve pain or injury. Since sub-/dom- never did much for me, this was just fine. I only found that she considered herself a sub through pillow talk.
Your friend needs to communicate her interests and limits in her profile and at a first meeting before going BCD. A safe word probably isn't a bad idea if she is allowing more than just being passive.
Submissive could mean a lot of different things. Does she just want the guy to take the lead? Does she want to be tied up? Punished? Humilated? Maybe she could recite a short (but non-explicit) scenario.
Lester is spot on, and to protect herself, she needs to establish clarity in her initial communications. I have dated three declared "subs" off of SA. Two of them just didn't want to think in bed -- wanted me to take the lead. The other one wanted to be led around on a leash, lick my shoes, be spanked with a ping pong paddle and gagged for several minutes in a row. So your friend should probably not let any potential SDs be confused on what she wants.
I met one woman who had a very scary experience with BDSM; she actually though he might kill her and dump her nude body in a ditch. In the end she wasn't physically harmed very much but it was a scary experience that still affected her a couple of years later and put her off bondage for life. Another sub wasn't so much a sub with me, just very open minded and enthusiastic about what went on BCD so long as it didn't involve pain or injury. Since sub-/dom- never did much for me, this was just fine. I only found that she considered herself a sub through pillow talk.
Your friend needs to communicate her interests and limits in her profile and at a first meeting before going BCD. A safe word probably isn't a bad idea if she is allowing more than just being passive.
One thing I've learned from an experienced kinky woman I know is that before every session involving anything beyond plain vanilla a long conversation about boundaries and limits is required. And during the session each participant always has the right to turn a yes into a no by using safe words. Plus it's NEVER ok to turn a no into a yes during a session. No matter how much she screams she wants it harder, hurt me, once you've reached the pre-agreed limits you do not go any further.
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