Not really but I've been seeing a provider for a number of years.  We see each other on a fairly regular basis.  She's got a regular job and I'm married.  Regardless, we've connected on several levels, including regular texting, dealing with personal stuff and of course having amazing sex.  

I know that this isn't "love" but I sometimes feel like I'd like to express a deeper feeling towards her.  If I do and she rejects them, then I run the risk of not seeing her in the future.  It might freak her out. On the other hand if she somehow reciprocates my feelings, it could open up a whole series of options.

I'm somewhat confused and quite frankly frustrated over the existing relationship.  I want more and think that is probably not going to happen.

Should I just keep my mouth shut and feeling to myself or is there a "safer" way to express that my feelings are more than those of a client/provider relationship.

Not really laughing my fucking ass off, LMFAO,

I was getting a little worried there, but you saved the statistic-of-the-month. So what to do now?

Well, you seem to be a reasonable fellow with some understanding of actions having consequences. And, it seems that you are concerned with the provider's reaction, should she find out how you feel about her. My question is, where do you think this is going to go? Suppose that she DOES reciprocate your feelings of emotional connection and verbalizes that she wants to have a relationship off the clock with you. What will you do? Break up your marriage? Stay in the marriage and make the provider your mistress? Quit paying her by the hour and supply her with life's necessities instead? Lead a total double life within two households?

This has less to do with the provider and more to do with where you find yourself in your marital relationship. Do you want to leave your wife? Do you want to stay in your marriage? You need to answer these questions before you go disclosing any significant depth of emotion to the provider. My opinion [and it is just an OPINION, folks]is that if you're not prepared to leave your wife [or have concurrent relationships with two women], then please just keep quiet. You really risk the possibility of hurting three people instead of just one [yourself, presumably].

If you can't answer these questions after several years of seeing the provider, then I assume that you want to have your cake and eat it too. I may be old-fashioned, but I think there's a big difference between discreetly banging an escort once in a while to get your rocks off, and leading an emotionally duplicitous life by taking advantage of the guilelessness of one party in the equation.

Don't go getting humble pie thrown in your face,
The Love Goddess

I know, I know, I know.  I fully plan to keep my mouth shut and just deal with it.  I'm not planning on leaving my wife and breaking up the marriage, just to fulfill some misguided emotional fantasy.  I think for now and the foreseeable future, I'll just keep the status quo.  Besides, I rather enjoy some cherry pie than end up with humble pie thrown in my face.

Just once in my life I would like to think so clearly and sum things up so succinctly!

I've been in the situation described with several women over the course of my 20+ yr marriage.  It ALWAYS comes down to whether you can see leaving your wife or not.  If you can't then keep your mouth shut and enjoy what you have with your friend.

you want to take it apart to see what makes it tick, and thereby destroy it.

This is man's curse as well as the font of all progress.

I suggest though that you continue to just enjoy the gift you have and forget about trying to get inside.

In other words, if it ain't broken, don't fix it.

Even though you think you've established some depth in the relationship with your provider friend, there's a lot you haven't seen because of the boundaries so far. It can be very tricky to shift gears in such a relationship.

Are you ready to handle the expectations that come with greater depth? Expectations inevitably lead to disappointments. Disappointments lead to difficult discussions.

Are you ready to deal with the difficulty maintaining intimacy in your marriage? It's hard to maintain respect for someone you're continually lying to.

From a practical perspective, when I was starting to talk about this stuff with a provider friend, I started with talking about what I loved about her rather than talking about loving her.

Good luck!

I find that that life throws very limited oppurtunities of true emotion..
Especially being in this industry I have definately pontificated "what is true love?"
"have I become so desensensitized?"


when you feel it dont question it..
dont rationalize it..
dont minimalize it..

Enjoy
Embrace..
and by all means SEIZE it!!

Im sure there are Cynics who are going to laugh at me on this post but
I could Not let an oppurtunity such as this to share my own personal feelings on what should be one of the  best feelings outside of maybe an obvious "orgasm"
when I feel a close bond with someone ..
it is a feeling like no other ..
where it leads I dont know..
but it cant be denied..
I wish you all my sincerest best in whatever direction your feelings lead you to..
Lovely Lorena

That is what my provider girlfriend and I have done.  Our love is wonderful.  My relationship with my wife has become more challenged though.  It is harder to be intimate with my wife because my mind is with my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I understand the balance that we both need to keep to make our lives relationships work.  It is always trying but very exciting and hot.  

One of our difficult encounters recently has been how I can help her out without it feeling like a donation for sex.  I love the idea LG said about helping with specific life expenses.  She really needs the money much more then I do but it makes her feel bad to take money from me. Don't laugh too hard.  It has been an emotional issue for us that we are working through.  

I know the relationship is wrong but I love her so much and she truly loves me.  It just feels wonderful and I don't want it to end.

Are we messing up
Posted by jackii  , 1/11/2010 11:53:06 PM  

I was reading some of these posts about falling in love with the provider and I started thinking what is wrong with us. We (I) made a vow to someone that I love. We all felt like nothing could come between us. Now we are paying someone to have a relationship with us then we rate them like cattle so we can feed our egos. This is so wrong. It all started when I found this stupid site. I bought a month and read all the reviews. Little by little I got hooked into the hobby and now I'm addicted to porn. Lusting after every cute 10 in here. I have a beautiful wife that I ignor so I can read all the reviews and look at all the pictures. I can't believe I have put my family thru this.

The feeling of falling in love is a wonderful one.  I hadn't felt it in over 20 years. Sex addition is just feeding a monkey.  You are very insightful in your replies.

like anything else. Some people can't drink without destroying relationships. Some can't fish. Some can't engage in this hobby.

We would all be better off if this part of human life were more open and people could talk about how to engage in it constructively.

FWIW. I've always lusted after every cute 10 I've ever encountered whether in my classrooms or the bowling alley or...... and I think the vast majority of men are the same.

As in a perspective lay. In your scenario a little quantity can lead to quality.

Does not tear down his castle to live in a tent.

I completely understand your situation..
just stay true to yourself and everything will fall into place..(I strongly believe)
please feel free to PM with wonderful updates..
if you desire..if not ..the best of luck to you and both ladies.(wife and provider/girlfriend)
sincerely
lovely lorena