Hey LG,
I've had an ongoing 2+ years with a lovely provider. At one point she told me her feeings and indicated to me that felt something more that just a pure client/provider relationship. I responded that I felt the same way, but we knew our boundaries since we both had SO's. Anyway, about 4 months ago she pulled her info from TER, and told me via e-mail that she was exploring other options other than escorting. I responded by telling her that she had to do what she felt was best for her and that I was there for her as a friend if she needed me. (A bit bittersweet for me, but I really do want the best for her). For a while we shared e-mails which were caring and positive. However, recently she has not responded to my e-mails that have been of the nature of "How are you doing?" "Is everything OK?" I have to say that I can't think of anything I said or did that would upset her. Just recently I learned through the grapevine (and I verfied it) that she's seeing clients again. Well, needless to say I felt a bit confused (and perhaps a bit hurt) that she wouldn't want to get together with me again. However, I do have a life and am not a stalker, etc., etc.. My question is: Should I send her one last e-mail telling her that I understand she has moved on and that I won't be bothering her again? Or should I just let it go with no more contact? Hey LG I will never be able to completely understand the female mind!!

I know your heart aches for her and you don't understand, but I bet she realizes that it is playing with dynamite for you two to continue on, so she has broken it off in a manner she thought would spare both of you heartache.

Suck it up and move on.

I've been there and done that, more than a few times over the years.

Dear StrangerOne,

While I do understand your feelings, I also understand hers. For reasons unknown to us, she has chosen not to communicate with you anymore. Rather than speculating endlessly on the why's, I really believe that the best thing for you to do is to leave her alone. This has less to do with the female mind and more to do with the inherently transient nature of paid sex. On many levels, she is paid to go away, which paradoxically earns her the privilege to pull away at any given time. And apparently, she has chosen to do so. Maybe you're just a closed chapter to her, or maybe she doesn't want to get into that sticky boundary situation again, who knows?

Just let it go and refocus, please,
The Love Goddess

She has chosen to not continue your relationship which as you say was more than the provider/client.  She does not want to renew the the relationship which must have been stressful to both of you...  (which is why she did not tell you she was again providing).  If you ever cared anything for her, you must trust her judgement.

You have fond memories...  do not spoil them.
skb

Some ladies are very good at dealing with the personal dynamics of the escort business, and others just head for the hills every now and then because they allow things to get complicated and they don't know how to deal with it.  I'm convinced we wouldn't need all these new area codes if it weren't for providers constantly changing their phone numbers!  .  

As LG said, it's a transient business, so you shouldn't take it too hard when you call an escort and get the phone has been disconnected message.  Or when she just stops returning your emails.  

Most guys have had it happen, and I had it happen with three ladies whose company I really enjoyed- sometimes over several years.  But things happen that you or I can't possibly know about them- a nosey neighbor, a difficult ex-husband or boyfriend, a child visitation or custody issue, or threats from LE.  This isn't a random list, either, I've known women that have moved, temporarily quit the business, or disappeared all together for each one of these situations.  Sometimes I didn't know what had happened for years, and sometimes you never will.

The other thing for you and any other guy that crosses the established boundaries should remember- her view of what your relationship was could be very different than your view of what it was.  I've had two year relationships with providers that said how much they cared about me too.  But not because they loved me, rather because I provided them with some stability- both emotional and financial, during a period in their lives when they needed that.  

But people and situations change and providers move on.  That just comes with the territory in the play for pay world.  And whether they finally got their degree, or just found a new boyfriend and quit, it shouldn't concern you.  Just close this chapter and move on with your life.  Be grateful you enjoyed a couple of good years and accept that it's now over.



-- Modified on 2/8/2010 7:11:27 PM

she's trying to get away from a painful relationship that you've agreed won't work

Seeking closure as a member of the walking wounded is never recommended but I understand your situation. A tool used by some therapists is to write a letter to the person who you seek closure with and never mail it. A twist to this may be writing that e-mail and sending it out anyway. In the e-mail wish her the best on her chosen path in life and should you both ever encounter each other in the real world then say you will smile and move on. By sending the e-mail in which you say you’re goodbye, you are closing the door (I Hope) on your end. The e-mail is out there and if she reads it then great, just don’t expect a reply and know that you did your part. Then tell yourself “enough about her”, go out and find a new ATF.