I'm a 30 year old male in a friends with benefits relationship with a civvie. I'm not extremely experienced and the last two times we've gotten together to engage in activity, I've been unable to achieve an erection. I want to but I seem to possibly be overthinking things and not letting myself relax and enjoy the ride. I've tried abstaining from masturbation before we get together; I went two weeks without servicing myself before we got together most recently but still no luck. I don't know if this is worth mentioning or not, but I really haven't had the desire to masturbate anyway lately. I don't know if this could be part of the issue too. I still can get an erection but generally they've just been morning wood when I wake up. Could there be an overall health issue I'm missing? I'm 30 and in relatively good shape so I'm unsure of it's just a mental issue or if there could be a significant health issue that I should look into. I welcome any help or advice.
Thanks in advance.
Dear Average Man,
Since I'm not privy to your entire life style, your moods, your stress levels, etc. - in short, every little excruciating detail that can affect ED - then it's really impossible to say what's ailing you.
Yes, it could be performance anxiety...or it could be the condom you're using...or exhaustion, or stress, or just bodily rhythms. There's this overarching cultural MUST out there and that is that every 30 year old male should always be ready to have sex at any given time and almost with anyone willing. Well, as you see, reality creeps in and it's not always the case. Men aren't mindless sex machines - male sexuality ebbs and flows too, just not as markedly as it does for some women.
In addition, if you're not MAD for this woman and she's just a FWB, then maybe it's time to go find someone else with whom you'll get rock hard and ready? Just because she's available doesn't mean that you have to be all over her - in fact, that could be part of the problem. Zero challenge - zero incentive to really go at it. Sometimes pure libido is not enough - your pheromones need to be challenged with someone new and wonderful.
If you think you have significant health issues, go get a good medical check-up. Otherwise I'd let it go - maybe you have other, more important things to accomplish in life.
Find someone else, then someone else, then someone else and then - if the issue persists, then there might be something to worry about,
The Love Goddess
It could be a health issue. Things like cholesterol build up in the arteries in that area could result in trouble getting a erection yet have little other symptoms if you have high cholesterol. Also high blood presser can clause ED. Then there is hormonal issues that can effect your sex drive and erection. I had the same symptoms as you and it turned out my testosterone was low and I was only 34 when I found out and took steps under my doctors care to fix the issue. My sex drive was restored to normal for me. So informing your doctor is a good idea. While it could be a health issue probably just a mental issue. It may be as little as stress or performance anxiety. Maybe you just aren't into her. Men aren't always sex machines and maybe something is distracting you.
Thanks in advance.
I would suggest going to see a good urologist. There are be several reasons for ED that a medical professional can help you with.
but frankly, I think it's mental. I know if I loose focus Bye, Bye Woody!! Performance axiety (lack of erection) can certainly play into it if you let it.
You need to relax & enjoy the moment, if your partner is willing to work with you. Guys are not always push button.
If you view porn or what ever you find stimulating... can you get erect? If so there's nothing wrong with the plumbing.
Best Wishes,
skb