I was sent a lovely letter by a new client who is a very caring man. We just seemed to click, yet I need to keep my head on straight. I cannot show his letter to you but I would like to show my response to him. Certain things have been slightly altered or deleted because I'm posting this on a public forum, and NO he doesn't read TER. I am also doing this so that other men will understand how nice, yet difficult, this business can be at times:

Hi XXXXXXXX,

Thank you for your lovely letter.

In this type of field, it can be very hard at times. We meet people we would like to learn more about and possibly seek a more intimate relationship, but know that this is just a passing fancy for most men -- most of whom view us ladies as bridges to their rainbows, fulfilling fantasies that sometimes rekindle their youth or a certain picture painted in their heads. Yet, there are a few who have feelings they cannot explain -- an encounter that takes their breath away. It is easy for some men to become infatuated with someone in this business, because we provide a much-needed fantasy and close connection that they are lacking at home.

However, I have come to learn that men, especially those who are in bad relationships or have a sick partner at home, need comforting the most. They are truly what makes it possible for me to stay in this particular business, otherwise I would have left long ago -- not because of the business but because I am so busy with other artistic venues in my life.

I never considered myself a free lover as a teen. In fact, I was raised by strict yet caring parents. They instilled in their children the need to be independent and motivated us to become better people. I think I mentioned to you on our prior date that I began this adventure due to my financial situation at the time and the need to not only help myself but primarily my family. I thought I would be exploring this territory for about six months then back to other interests. Since that time, I have enjoyed the freedom of making my own hours, the donations (which you could not make anywhere else unless you are a brain surgeon), having the money (most of the time) to be able to go out to dinner, to travel and to take care of others in my family. I would give my last dollar to help them or a desperate friend.

I am what most in this business would call a low-volume provider. I do not see more than one client a day and not necessarily every day. That is my choice. You think I am very sensual, and I appreciate those kind words. However, the truth is that the majority of time spent together is a playful and yet a sincere game that is handled well and geared to each individual's taste and choice. Yes, I still enjoy the rendezvous but there is a difference between fantasy and reality in our daily lives.

Yes, I am very attracted to you. First, you are (I forget and I'm sorry: Mexican or Latin -- don't want to confuse the two) of a nationality that I am attracted to anyway. Second, you are sensual and attentive. Third, you are a nice person; and fourth, we fit great together. Last and most important is number 5: You are also involved in a relationship, which means although I enjoy your company, I have to also keep an arm stretch away and keep a business head. Believe it or not, I am old fashioned that way. I know it sounds silly but true. I am sure you can understand my take on this situation. We will leave it as just that for now.

I agree with you that you need time alone if you should decide to end your current relationship. Everyone needs time to gather their thoughts and process them, to enjoy their new-found freedom (and you will get used to being single), and to start doing things they want to do -- for themselves. Call it "selfish satisfaction," but it's not selfish when you are caring for your body and mind. After all, one cannot love anyone else until they learn to love themself.

I hope to see you soon!

Hugs,
Ciara

























-- Modified on 5/30/2008 4:07:13 PM

I think that he encountered a wonderful person like yourself, and has fallen for you "like a ton of bricks!"

On a different note though: I certainly know that no provider would ever describe me as "gorgeous".  I consider myself caring though.  It is my cross to bear..   But I guess I never have to worry about a provider falling for me.  Never going to happen

to spend time with you several years ago.  It helps me relate better to your letter.  Although I know I'm not "the guy" you are writing to, I too can fantasize.  Be safe.  Maybe one of these days I will get to Phoenix again.

make anyone feel less attractive about themselves. I just had a connection with him that was very loving, but physical attraction had nothing to do with it, although it's a bonus. We all have certain types we're especially attracted to, yet there was one time I fell for a red-haired, brown-eyed guy in my teens -- far from Latin heritage. I've also had some blonde boyfriends in my life. Que Sera Sera! Men need to stop putting themselves down for not feeling attractive. If you're confident (and not an ego maniac), then women will find you attractive. There is someone out there for everyone. Some men don't find me attractive. They like brunettes and darker skin. I have learned to love my coloring and even my freckles (but not the age spots).  

Besides, you are a great person and are attractive. People can tell just by your posts, whether you want to think so or not. You need to reread my last paragraph about loving yourself, hon.

And by the way, you need to come here for your monthly spanking.


Hugs,
Ciara





-- Modified on 5/30/2008 11:21:39 AM

Simply tells everyone what a loving, caring person you really are. Just the fact that you would take the time to write that to your gentleman friend speaks volumes. It makes all who already want to meet you, want to even more. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Someday.

Ciara,
  Your note did not make me feel any less attractive about myself, and I probably should not have even posted what I did in a response to a wonderful note from you (who is a wonderful person) to a person who seems to be a wonderful person also.

It is just that I have seen many women over the years, and never have felt a connection like the one you are discussing in your message.

It was more my pathetic longing/dreaming to have some woman who I have met once or twice to want to make a closer connection than merely a client.

Maybe there are some women I have seen that do think of me that way, but it has never been expressed to me.

As I said, I am sorry I hijacked your thread, and wish you nothing but good karma and success in your relationship with this fine man you have met.

I merely wanted to point out that you shouldn't think of yourself in a negative way. It's not always about physical attraction. I once dated a biker dude with long black hair, Phillipino and Eskimo in nationality and very smart. He wasn't the type I usually go for, but Guess what? I married him. I never remarried and have no children --  except animals, yet I'm happy being alone. If, for some reason, someone comes along who is my best friend and I'm comfortable with (but they'd have to be very clean), then I might reconsider my single status. Until then, I may be attracted to certain people but I'm old enough to know that infatuation doesn't get you anywhere in the longrun.  

Also, I did not say that I am entering into a relationship with this man. Read carefully.


Hugs,
Ciara

and taking the chance to bare a little bit more of your soul with us here. I think your letter helps to remind each of us about those connections we all have made at one time or another with those we come in contact with. Sometimes you just click with somebody and even if it's just for that moment in time, it's something to look back on fondly. And sometimes, if your lucky, it evolves into something life-long. And that can't be bad.

C_K

Ciara, I understand what you say when describing a special connection two people are able to achieve on those rare occasions after meeting through the hobby.  

With me, it really is not a sexual thing.  Of course that part of it is there, but because there is such a wide difference between our ages I understand that she would not be attracted to me in that way.

I know that I am not as physically attractive or responsive as I was twenty years ago.

Yet, in a very strange way, perhaps that is exactly the reason the relationship my special friend and I share is so tremendous, we neither ever thought of our "hooking up" as a possibility.  Because of that, we lowered our defenses and allowed a friendship to grow that I feel we both cherish and protect.

I really do consider you and your friend very lucky.  I hope you are both able to enjoy every moment you share and live for the moment each time you are together.

That was very sweet of you...  it shows a real caring.  I hope that I share such special feelings with my ATF.
skb

I simply wanted to share a lovely letter from a gentleman who emailed me after our first appointment. I DID NOT mention anywhere that I was going to get involved with this man. But I guess it's lovely for some to fantasize. I know that a few of you have actually taken the plunge with ladies and vice versus, and I'm happy for you.

On the contrary, I was trying to get a point across on TER that you can be very attracted to someone -- and who knows what can happen afterward -- but you have to remember it is still business, because that's how we met. True relationships develop over time, whether it's a friendship or a loving relationship, but not after one night in the sack. I can have a connection with someone, but it doesn't mean I'm going to ask him to be my boyfriend. Some of you are "hopeless romantics" and I love it.

Now, you guys have taken the fun out of it for me because I had to explain myself. Darn it! Just kidding. I guess everyone interprets things differently for their own fantasy, but no where in my letter/response to him did I state that we should date (because he has a girlfriend). It even states that he needs to take time (alone) if he breaks up with her.

Hugs,
Ciara























-- Modified on 5/30/2008 4:11:53 PM

I understand it from the first read. Not sure what's up with these guys!

You were being tactful, caring, lovely, but letting him down at the same time.

I guess I'm just special.

You have yourself a most wonderful weekend Ciara!

I read this whole thread and I didn't get that impression at all. Rather, I got the impression that he might have wanted a relationship with you and that you brought him back to reality in a very gentle and caring way. The fact that you found him attractive was just a bonus but I thought you made yourself very clear that you wanted to keep it professional. It's funny how a thread can morph into a completely different meaning over time, lol...

I guess we all fall for ya!  but again - what is not to like, Intelligence, sincerity, warmth and an incredible sexiness that is timeless....

What can I say, the man has good taste.

be well

BSD

I have known you for a very long time.
I consider you a dear friend and I can understand how gentlemen can fall under a spell with you.

This was a very nice response on your part and I hope this gentleman makes the effort to truly understand you and your thoughts.

Take care, dear.

Just my opinion...
B