Ok guys I have a semi regular client whose bday was this week. I remembered that it was his bday so I sent him a textmsg with well wishes. He responds by asking me what did I get him and that he wanted me for his gift ie free. I blew it off because surely he wasn't serious, I mean this is a business as far as he is concerned. So a few minutes go by and I get an email to my phone asking the same thing!! UGH!! So I found a playful way to let him know that as far as he goes, it is business and that it would not be free, he responds saying I hurt his feelings and that he thought we had real chemistry(and he was serious) I am baffled because I assumed he/clients knew what the rules are?? Now I feel bad because he did get me a bath and body works gift basket with $25 for my bday (lmao $50 gift for $200 of my time, yeah right). And the funny thing is I woulda given him 30 extra mins for his loyalty as I do with all my good clients on their bdays, had he said nothing. What are your thoughts on this??? Should I let him go, since he pressed the issue???? I truly enjoy what I do, but there IS a point to doing it other than my sheer delight. I can't tell Capital One that it's my bday so this month should be on the house,lol.
Trust me, If a provider wants to take it off the meter, she will let you know, and there is only one guy getting that deal from me right now =)
On the house is really over the edge, of course, unless the relationship was very different. (I had a really nice apartment in New York on a marina near an airport. On a number of occasions (3), a lady who was visiting New York --and who I saw for a paid for date each time-- finished up her last day in the city and came to my place for a late snack and sleep over to save a full day's hotel fee. Once I drove her to the airport the next morning, twice I hired and paid for a car to take her. Twice we slept together. Once she was tired and I gave her dinner, a drink, and put her to bed. Both times we slept together I offered to pay, she refused. This was obviously a very different situation. I didn't expect or ask for anything but was happy when it happened.) Your client obviously doesn't get the situation and the relationship. I don't understand the question about "letting him go" though. Surely you can forgive him enough to continue to do business unless he is too cranky to make it work.
Lol, I do like wood!! I think he has gotten too clingy, ie. texting during the day for no reason asking if I think we have chemistry.The fact that I don't respond doesn't seem to deter him from this. It's just one of those things that I believe most women in this industry find unappealing like trying to haggle, eww. I might be more flexible if I got more out of his sessions, but they are a lesson in endurance and patience. Suffice to say it he is one that if not for the compensation I would not see. So I may take this as my out. That being said, there are several of my clients who while, I wouldn't see for free, I do have so much fun that I might adjust their rates if they fell on hard times. They are the ones who have learned how to make me laugh, think, and cum. I get more out of them than sex and money, I've made wonderful companions=) and I do enjoy them. Who knows, maybe you!
If you're feeling that way about him, he may have done you a huge favor. By asking for something that you weren't prepared to give, and getting his feelings hurt, you've been given a great opportunity to build some much needed distance.
Only you can be sure if you should seize that opportunity. Good luck, however you proceed.
Do yourself a favor, and use this now as your out. Your client has stepped out of bounds by asking and pressing for freebies, and given you the excuse you need to end things. If you do that, you may break his heart, and have to deal with a blizzard of apologies, e-mails, TM's, etc. for a while. But probably better to do this sooner rather than later if that is the direction that this relationship is taking...
Even to a hobby rookie such as myself, this is sort of a Hobby 101 issue. I would never expect anything beyond the regular arrangement. No extra time, certainly no "freebies". If the lady wants to offer something (such a special or birthday bonus), she will without any prompting from me. Prompting=haggling=bad.
Tell him politely but matter-of-factly that you enjoy his company within the business relationship you have. You could even apologize that there was a misunderstanding (without admitting fault), to ease his feelings a bit. But that would be the limit, and he ought to be able to learn from the lesson and re-establish his mental boundaries. If he can't after that, then let him go. But I'd say give him a chance to get back with the picture.
About 10 years ago, hookers stopped being Whores and decided to be GFEs (faux girlfriends). Being a fake girlfriend started to include DFK (Hookers NEVER did that with Johns),DATY, and giving free time over the allotted hour . This practice along with seeing the same clients over, and over, and over makes delusional hobbyists act the way you describe. Ladies have brought this type of behavior on THEMSELVES. I know providers that tell their clients they "Love" them. WTF do you expect???
I never see hookers, so my view may be different. (I do see providers, professional women, etc) I have enjoyed the friendship they have provided, the interaction, the "love." It reminds me of the relationship my psychiatrist friends (the very best of them) have with their patients. They listen to them, "love" them, help and help heal them, but charge them and expect to get paid. There is nothing dishonest about this. My shrink friends get tired and annoyed with their patients as do professional ladies with their clients. (As we all do with our children who we love)Because these professionals have chosen a profession which provides comfort and which --when done properly-- enriches their clients' lives is no reason they can not expect professional treatment from their clients.
I'll be the first to admit that sometimes the emotional "longing" - if that's the right word - for a lady can be strong. But I always remind myself that any lady that would be crazy about me must be, well...crazy! That usually puts my mind back where it belongs
This guy needs to be reminded that when a lady agrees to see you and share her body - THAT is a big present right there. Yes, we pay, but it's a great privilege to spend that time and pleasure with a woman.
Having said all that, MY birthday is 12/26 and any woman foolish enough to give me a "freebie" ....oh wait, forget that, I just said that would be wrong!
Happy birthday CG BTW, I am certainly not gonna give you a freebie. Your point is well taken..One can have extrodinary chemistry during an encounter but that does not qualify for freebie's. This is a financial business after all.
I believe that your reply, while enlightened, is in the small minority. Lets not play with semantics here, we all see hookers. U may personally associate the word with negative connotations, but it is what it is. The bottom line is the trade of money for sex, and u can call it what u want. All of the euphamisms (provider, courtesan, escort, accomodating woman) simply function to allow the behavior to fit within our own perceptions of ourselves and the world. Hookers are not limited to the drug addict performing 15 min "car dates". Call em high class, call em discerning escorts, just dont forget your white envelope.
That is pretty well put, I agree about the use of semantics (which are often used delusionally around here) but... one can not blame the "provider/hooker/woman who loves you almost as much as the envelope" for a guy being too stupid and blind to see the line that is drawn in the sand, simply because she does not point at it. That is what happened to the OP.
I would like to say Thank you all for being a wonderful and supportive community, I have let him go as a client due to the fact that in conversation about this matter he confessed his "deeper" feelings for me. I trust we can all see the issue that that presents. I told him that it may be time for him to semi- retire from the hobby and find a civvie girlfriend. He wasn't happy but understood (so he says) and we go our seperate ways.
I am also happy that this conversation was so well received here. It gives me great pleasure to read these well written and strongly opinionated (in a good way) tomes. It is good to know that we as a community are more than sex and money. And this is why I love it!!!
Oh yeah, by the way, I am not justifying this guy's behavior. Lose him. Its just pretty inevitable that this kind of behavior with surface again (although maybe not as extreme)
Bingo! U nailed it. It builds faux confidence in the hobbyist, appealing to the narcissistic sense of self that leads the man to believe in feelings that dont exist.
Sorry but I feel you have this ALL wrong. It's you guys that want the GFE and will refuse to see ladies that don't provide it or review harshly those that don't. You have pushed for more...you got it and now you blame ASP's who give you that service for a guy pushing a boundary?
This whole total GFE thing has blurred the lines that even regulars and established guys are pushing the envelope...you pay us and it is a fantasy...girl friend EXPERIENCE...not a real life girlfriend.
Wake_Up_Smell_The_Coffee who does the continual booking? I recall ladies calling and making the appointments. Guys call us. For heavens sake quit blaming us for doing our jobs well. And I'm sure the ladies love their clients for the hour...the guys need to get a reality grip and constantly remember the envelope deal.
I'm stunned. I could maybe understand if he simply asked if you offered a birthday special, but he went well beyond this. And he got his feelings hurt? Wow.
As was suggested above, I'd not dump an otherwise good client... I would "appologize for the misunderstanding." Your "Happy Birthday" was not an offer of a free sesion.
I had the delightful occasion when a lady exclaimed "If you do that again, I'll have to pay you!" Thrilled as I was, I knew not to take it litterally.
If you choose to offer select clients a birthday gift... say a discounted rate or extra time... you can say that. In this case, his pressing for what was not offered, has spoiled it & I'd not offer it to him (at least not this year). But that's not my decision to make. If he can't handle this, then he's crossed the line & you need to create some space.
I have sent my ATF a card with a gift on her birthday (one time). (Yes, I know her real name.) That was the point, she is special and my gift was something she did not have to work for. As such, I expect nothing in return. skb
Sounds like this guy is getting way to serious and overstepped the provider/client line.
I have two ATF that I see a lot. I give them birthday and christmas gifts. Very personal that most of their clients wouldn't have a clue about. I did it purely as a gift with nothing expected in return. I pay them their rose count just like every other "joe" but I do get lots of extra time and actually only once have either say she had to leave before I said it. That is one of the reasons they are my ATF's. The only freebie I've been offered by both actually, is if I'm going away for a weekend to somewhere nice. They said they would expect no pay, just for me to pay for everything for the trip. I have one planned in the near future.
So like a lot of other threads say, I suggest to put some distance with him for both of your sakes.
Fairly new to this, but IMO completely out of line to ask for a freebie, and not too smart. Now the "relationship" is strained. I'd have been thrilled you remembered my bday, and left it at that.
Now, depending on the length of time he spends with you, staying over a little extra time like an extra 1/2 hour or so would have been very cool and appreciated, but it is certainly not something I'd ever ask for. I'm a realist. You are seeing me because I pay you. You may enjoy our time together, and we may have even developed a "working relationship", but you don't ask business acquaintances to work for free because it's your birthday.
was a home cooked meal by a provider - who I was friends with... she knew it was my birthday - and while I was on my way to her place for a scheudled (and paid for) meet... she called and asked if I had eaten... I had not, she replied good... I will make dinner for you... lobster and salad... Quite nice.
I paid for the session - but the dinner was on her.... this was not long after my divorce and compared to the contrived and totally unromantic efforts of my ex, this was indeed a welcome change... but I neither expected this, nor did I demand it... it was a totally unexpected surprise - and yes, I did pay for the session... it is a business after all.
For what it's worth, I have had conversations about guys like this with my two favorite ladies several times. This guy would be on BOTH of their DNS lists for even hinting about a freebie, much less hinting about it twice!
Any guy who's feelings are hurt because a provider won't give him a freebie is simply not worth the aggravation. An attitude like the one this guy displayed is the beginning of nothing but trouble from him. Best to nip it in the bud.
Your rates are very reasonable, and if he'd kept his mouth shut he would have received some extra time. I would try and keep him as a client and like others said, discuss with him that he might have interpreted your text message on his bd incorrectly. With the recession going on, I don't think you want to loose a client. However, it's your business to run the way you see fit.
First of all, unless your site offers a birthday "discount", then he should expect to pay full price. For some reason, I don't ask for discounts nor use any type of promotion, the rate is what it is and if it above my price point, I look elsewhere.
Secondly, the guy also appears to have issues identifying where personal and professional relationships start and end. Hmmm.
So in summation you have a crazy freeloader on your hands.
SImple. When it is on the house, it is on the house. But the house makes the rules and the house always wins. As others have said, he was out of line. As a hobbiest, I think I am often on the good end of the YMMV and probably have received a few extra hours on the house and even a home cooked meal. But I would NEVER ask for such a think, even if I gave nice gifts, tipped high, etc. I am not sure I would cross him off your list, but be careful. This is a bit of a complex situation.
Do not wish anyone a happy birthday---can be misinterpreted.
that is STRICTLY your decision. A client should never assume that the provider will give freebies. This is a business that involves intimacy, and how you set your boundaries so that you're comfortable is what makes it work. Chemistry has nothing to do with it. I've had great chemistry with some providers who said they'd love to see me again...and I didn't because that's the way I felt about the boundaries.
And some providers will allow free time...but that's their business and they shouldn't question it.
This, again, gets into that fascinating issue of money.
Many people can manage their compulsions through using grace and charm, but when times get tough their true character comes through. That's the time to remove such characters from your life. Not saying this is the case with whom you've mentioned, but due to financial stress it likely we will all start seeing the worst in those around us, having little true character.
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