Would you give up hobbying if you found true love (again) and she gave you sex every night?  Just curious.

Hugs,
Ciara

I can't say that I could; I did, at one point in my life, believe I'd found true love and she and I had mind-blowing sex every night.  I still hobbied.  Now the real question, isn't it, is "Why?"

I don't have any clear answers except the obvious:  I'm a slutpuppy.  There's a school of thought that says hobbyists (and perhaps providers) fall into two camps:  those who were born to be hobbyists, and those who pass through the hobby.  I feel I was born into it.  When I was 12 years old, my father explained prostitution to me for the first time, and I knew then that it was something I wanted to do.  I had my first experience at 15.  That was in late July, 1965.

What's interesting to me as I look back, however, is that the memories that stick with me aren't particularly about sex -- oh, yeah, there's been great sex all along the way -- the memories are about the people and the experiences: rafting down the river with her; going from casino to casino in Vegas; the Christmas party at the brothel; showing her the skyline from Brooklyn.

So Ci Ci and providers -- what do your remember?

different women.  The answer is yes, even if they repress those desires instead of doing the natural thing and following through with them.

There is a lot of truth in what scientists are now calling "Evolutionary Psychology".

But other forces, mainly religion, have caused an awful lot of men to do the unnatural thing, which is to remain monogamous in their sexual encounters.

Good interesting question Ci Ci. I believe I would still hobby. In fact I know that I would.  The "hobby" seems to me to be an itch that cannot ever be fully scratched. Including wonderful, sex in a loving relationship. In this regard it has many of the elements of addiction--without the deleterious effects of 'cumming down' so to speak.

If the lovely providers do not mind my turning the tables around a tad. If you were to find a loving highly sexual relationship--and/or were to hit the lottery--would you still provide???

Hey Ciara;
You know my situation.
If things were as you described them... YES.

Since they are not... NO.

Just my opinion...
B

It all depends on the understanding between us. If she wanted a monogamous relationship and I was happy with that, sure, I'd give up hobbying. Ideally, of course, she'd be interested in hobbying with me. }:>

--b.

and as a matter of fact I DID find my life's love.  Although she lived in another town and the sex was only a few rendezvous a month, it was mind-blowing.  Yet, I still hobbied. I'm encouraging her to hobby with me.  No success yet, but I'm optimistic.

Seems that so many here are  equating true love  with the sexual ralations one has with their SO. I  think most definitly that great sex "usually" goes hand in hand with true love. I mean don't we all agree that  of all the great sexual relations we had were either partially great because we had that intimate connection with our partner or ,if not, we surely will agree that any great sex  we have had would have been either perfect or magnified many times greater if it was with the person that gave us the love that our  hearts  seek. This is whereweget lucky in life and we truly see the true definition of"quality and not quanity' is what makes our lifes most enjoyable.
Even part of the fantasy is about a "connection" so surely love entering into the picture would intensify it so much. And don't we find that when we are with people that we love and who love us  we are able to be more open and then able to explore our fantasies more freely without trepidation? Hence, even our true erotic  fantasys become even more intense and satisfing.

I guess my point being, that I think when you find true love, your  priorities change, your focus becomes different. The part of you that wants to be part of that comes out and  I don't really see how one can seek or desire things elsewhere.I mean, I think in true love, our desires and wants become different.  Sure we still have what are called the natural instincts of man, but I  also think there are natural instincts of belonging and caring and the most natural of all loving and being loved.
I would just think that when love comes into the picture you just instinctivly gravitate to that union and maybe become something greater. And given that the emphasis here is on sex, I think we would all agree that the sex would be the greatest. Sort of like utopia.
To continue to explore and such, yes is  great for the fantasy in  itself but to change any parameters of "true love" relationship just takes away from it and in doing so...............well would you ever know the greatness of the "true love"?
Just my .02 cents so take it easy. after all life is not allblack and white

There's a time in any relationship where you only want her and nobody else does it for you.  Nevertheless, for anybody but the most compulsive, that will pass, though it may seem at the time like it wouldn't.

I would only go monogamous if we were raising children together. (Not too likely at this point in my life.)  Even then, we would have to agree to "open periods" every few years.  Otherwise, the pent up frustrations are likely to be taken out on the kids.

Providers would be a perfect outlet for these open periods.

/Zin

I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was! The battery sometimes takes a little longer to recharge nowadays.

I have been in the TER community for nearly two years now. I have met some incredible ladies and enjoyed some phenominal sex. My heart however yearns for a special someone who I can just enjoy the evening with curled up together on the couch, watching TV, munching on freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Although I admit that at times I would certainly look back at the fun, excitement, and variety the hobby offers I would hold the stabillity and purpose that a commited monogamous relationship holds in deep reverence. I'm not so much being a "hopeless romantic" but rather realizing and admiting to what truly would heal my soul.

  FR.

-- Modified on 7/19/2004 9:33:59 AM

Yes. Sex with someone you love is very hard to beat. While variety is nice, it will probably be disappointing in most cases to continue seeing providers and then dealing with the guilt. No such problem when love fades away and sex disappears.

Definitely yes and the sex would not have to be everynight.

I've been married to my true love for 33 years and we have always had frequent and very satisfying sex. At the same time, however, I have always seen providers on occasion when I am out of town.

I've often wondered why this is.

Variety is not my motivation for hobbying. I hobby because I'm single and have a high sex drive, but I don't have any desire to do the dating scene.

I could give up the hobby under the circumstances you mentioned. But let's face it, those circumstances don't come knocking on your door too often!

LOL It does not have to be every night ... kisses and cuddles will do 2x a week and sex 3X-4X?  Sat Sun ... the movies and maybe some other activities (yeah sex can be there too). How about I just stare at your beautiful eyes and melt in your arms? wink

if the emotional intimacy equalled the sexual intimacy of course the hobby would go.  CiCi, someday I'll get to Phoenix and we'll discuss this and the other interesting questions you raise in person

Unnatural, hmm. If you do it, its natural. Humans aren't outside natural (unless you're religious). It also seems that all the modern religions (with some exceptions) believe in peace, love, compassion, and stuff like that. This has proved an unnatural request and we (again some exceptions) haven't paid any attention.

would you want me to quit?  I'd quit if she didn't approve, no question.  Would the desire to hobby still be there?  Yes.  I'd probably golf less, too.  Hobbying isn't something to fill an emotional void while searching for a relationship.  It's just one of those fun things you either cut back on or give up during a committed relationship.

A highly complex question this is, love is such an individual emotion. Everyone's definition surely varies and most would not be able to define their true feelings in this area. So few look inward anymore to discover who they are that how if they are so involved in "external" situations in life can they know if they love anyone. It is within the capacity of most individuals to love more than one person, but there again all of us can justify anything in our own minds. To find absolute true love that will endure the years is what we all seek. It's been written : "Don't settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you can't live without." Believe it, it will occur but you have to keep your eyes and heart open.

I have had better sex these past 2+ years in the hobby than I did while married in my younger days.  Some woman just aren't into pleasing their man sexually.  But, every provider I have spent time with were into making me feel so special physically.  Thank you ladies.  Just my $.02.

are built on a sound foundation.  Sex is just one pillar of that foundation.  There are many couples that stay toghether until death do them part simply because they built their relationship upon mutual respect (and mutual earning and maintaining of that respect), a sense of realism about what being in a relationship means, and a full understanding of what they want out of a relationship when it starts and progresses, and agreement on important core values.
    Interestingly, a well designed, well built house can stand while missing one pillar, but a house which has only one of two pillars has no chance of standing for long if one is taken away - as a matter of fact, it has a poor chance of standing for long even if both pillars are left untouched.

....is about a helluva lot more than sex.  If sex, no matter how marvelous as it might be, is the most important thing in a relationship then the relationship may be about lust (which is OK by me) but it's certainly not about true love.

Both times I was in love I was pretty 'faithful' in spite of many temptations.  And while being faithful may seem corny to many of the people who read these boards & participate in the hobby, I was that way because it was important to those women.  Call it a sacrifice or whatever else you may, but a large part of true love is sometimes putting the other person ahead of yourself.

turns into fucking... pure delight... and the downside, you'll likely crash and burn before the month is out...what is more important than sex every night is having some to relate to, debate, relax, and trust... find that my friend and I think you will have found love.

so much higher and purer and sweeter and deeper than just sex without love.  Ahhh....






(Not to mention exhilarating and intoxicating!)

So many good responses here, but special notice to kindhearted Bob59, observant StillTryin25, and the wise Mithrandir.  

I have been fortunate in the hobby, in that I have never had a bad "date" yet.  On each and every one of them, though, when the date was over, I was left with a desire for more.  No matter how good that time is, if it has an end to it, I can never really address all parts of my psyche and my heart, and this is why, for me, no sex without love, no matter how good it is, is as good a sex with love.

I don't expect to have sex as good as it has been in some ways with the ladies I have met here ever if I am in a love relationship.  I may, but I don't "expect" it.  However, I will make love that is better than any sex I could ever have on dates with providers, and that is what will keep me there, keep me wanting to communicate and keep that love precious, and help make me a better man for it.

Someday, Freedom Rider, you and I will be old men and we will be sitting there eating chocolate chip cookies with our respective ladies, and we will just smile.

Until then, thank the universe for TER, my temporary dating service.

I think there's unceasing coercion and psychological effort from family, religion and society to make them that way, and it's mostly successful.  

/Zin

.. and I think the answer is yes.

If my true love returned and was interested in that type of relationship, it would be great.

Of course, she would have to put aside the bitchiness, cold shoulders, pouting and sexual blackmail that always seems to get in the way.  I grew sick of having my partner hold sex at bay to get what she wanted.  Seems to be a recurring theme in most relationships involving a non-provider.

Yes, if the above conditions were met, yes, in a heart beat.