We here all the time a hobbyist falling in love with a provider.

I'm curious if a provider has ever fallen in love with a hobbyist and maybe attempted to take it to another level (dating, relationship, etc.)?

Good question...I know I am in love with my ATF...but have no clue if she feels the same about me. As we are both in committed relationships, we leave it as just "very good friends".

In a word, YES.

From a hobbyist point of view, I personally have three examples;

The first of which is a provider which I have seen several times and each time we find more and more that we have in common, to the point that it is almost scary how compatible we appear to be.  We've eaten together, had extended meetings 6+ hours, she's introduced me to new things, etc...  I haven't pursued it at all because I don't want to jeapardize what we do have, "a fantasy relationship" with a developing friendship.  But proof that hobbyist most definelty do.

Secondly, I began seeing two different providers a few years ago, one who ran her own small agency and one independent.  They both eventually, at different times, would not allow me to pay any longer and wanted to have a casual relationship which we did.  The first made it clear that she wanted it to go further at a time when I wasn't able to or interested in an exclusive relationship.  She ended up leaving the state for awhile to do other things and recently came back and is pursing it again.  The second one and I continue to see each other on occasion, although she to would like to take it further but doesn't push it.

In any event, we are all human beings, no matter what experiences we have in our past or how good or bad our lives have been, you will always connect with certain people.  How you handle it and how you treat others will determine your ultimate happiness.

Take Care,

SoCalTroy

I have unfortunatley crossed this line.  I never wanted to I never thought I would but somehow I managed to fall hook line and sinker for a married hobbyist no less makes matters worse.  I am currently not working in the profession due to this gentlemans request he pays the rent most of the time which isn't really all that much and gives me money when I need it or ask.  But the saddest part of the story is now he is cheating on me and the wife with a FBSM person who only takes his money but doesn't give services and doen't really like him but he is a sucker and keeps falling for her bullshit and breaking my heart.  A word to the wise do not do it it isn't worth the pain.  There is also a thin line between love and hate I just hope I can cross that one too.

she loves him?  Of course not.  If a woman is financially supported by a man, can she manage to convince even herself that she loves him, even though she doesn't?  Probably.  If a man ceases to provide any financial support of any kind for a woman and she still wants to have a serious relationship, does that mean she loves him?  Well, she might or might not, but at least it's not at bottom about the money - it's real.

This is not a personal experience, but rather ones related to me by providers I also consider to be friends.  One of them is now actually married to a man whom she originally met as a client who became a regular.  Since they are both swingers and in to that open life style, it seems to matter little what they do for a living, and she continues as a provider.  

One mid-30s and sophisticated provider told me that when she first got into the business, she in fact was interested in several of the hobbyists.  So she went out on one or two dates, but then the nascent romance fizzled and she had lost him as a client.  So now her practice is to draw a hard wall.  If a hobbyist, then always a hobbyist.  It is simply a business decision.

I have to admit i have been fallen for.. but most recently i fell myself..isnt it a wonderful thing.. well for now

but the most important issue is honesty with yourself.

If the hobbyist you're seeing is being honest with you on his situation and dealing with you appropriately, then the challenge of how to deal with the situation is yours.  It doesn't make it any easier because of how you may or may not feel about him.

I personally try to do my best to keep this "Fantasy World" and the "Real World" as separate as possible, even though I remain friends with some providers in the real world.  It's just more difficult with those I may have strong feelings for.

I wish you the best of luck, but remember to do what you feel is best for YOU in your heart and head.  Whatever your first impression is to do, is probably correct.

Take care,

SoCalTroy

And I'm in the process of having my heart broken.

I walked in his door, we had an immediate rapport, and we ended up spending the weekend together.  Now, we've been seeing each other for several months, but it's been mighty rocky.  I stopped providing because he hated it.  I'm a student and do have a legal job, but it doesn't pay the bills, so I have supported myself by selling off inherited items (e.g., jewelry).  I have never asked him for money and in fact, do not want his money.  I am not into being dependent upon anyone else.

During this process I also broke up with a long-term boyfriend, because I had to choose one or the other.  Unfortunately, this (new) guy doesn't know whether he's coming or going, and I know he's really bad news for me.  To make matters worse, I'm almost certain that he's with another woman this weekend and not on the trip with his buddies that he said he was on.

I should have known better.  I DO know better, but I didn't listen to myself.  I mean, my goddess, his hypocrisy should have tipped me off.  I wish I could say "Live and Learn."  Apparently though, some of us are too stupid to get ourselves out of bad situations.

Never, ever again.  NEVER.

I'm thinking of becoming a Buddhist nun.

I am a guy who fell hard for a provider and she of course used
the hell out of me. She was the one who didn't have a clue
as to where she was going in life and she was the hippocrit
in that what applied to others did not apply to her! But hey
all is forgiven as for we all make mistakes along the way in
life. and that is how we learn and then hopefully we get it
right. so here a pat on the back for you and give yourself a
big hug cause you deserve it! Live and learn and prosper in
all that you do,

you followed what your heart was telling you to do and as human beings we all make mistakes, so absolutely do not be so hard on yourself.

It sounds like you fell hard and fast, and that's when we all make some of our worst decisions and mistakes.  "Been there, done that" and trying to deal with it now myself in real life.

One thing we should all try to remember, is that whatever your first impression is of anything, it's usually correct.  We all still want to believe that we can make an emerging relationship work, even when we are having to work very hard at it.  I'm not saying you shouldn't try if that's what you want, but good communication and honesty is critical, even more so when devloping a relationship with a hobbyist or a provider.

This all just my opinion, but I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out whichever way you truly want them to.

Take Care,

SoCalTroy

At least she said she was in love with me.  Although she did very little to show it.  

I became her boyfriend. Not a good situation.  I am not immune to jealousy.  She had a solution, she wanted to leave the business anyway, so I was to marry her and support her and her two kids.  I said it was too soon, we only knew each other for 3 months.  That was the end of that.

I fell for her because she said she loved me.  Maybe she really did love me, or maybe she just wanted someone to pay the bills.  (The same could be said of my ex-wife.)  But I learned from the experience.

pursues you for over 2 years you fight it with everything you have.  I have made it a personal rule in my everyday life to never date a married man and now here I am in love with one but not just in love I have it so bad I cry myself to sleep every night over what I have gotten myself into.  Now that he has accomplished the impossible and gotten me to feel for him the way he was supposed to feel for me he acts like I am some pain in the ass who got here all by myself.  Ladies be careful I have come to the conclusion that men do not know what they want they only want what they can't have.  I have saved every email I have every recieved (only from this gentleman) which proves I have even stopped seeing him at certain points ove his requests for exclusive relationship what have I done and who can help me end this nightmare I have gotten myself into.

I ventured on this board tonight for the first time.  There is much more interesting reading here and humanity too.  

All, I can say is that more and more in my life I am starting to go with my gut because it seem it's rarely ever wrong.  So often we are inclined to think things through becaue we have brains we want to do what's right for us, but it is our gut that truly knows what's good or bad.  Why?  I don't know.  But, I got so sick of saying to myself "I should've went with my gut" or my first instinct.  

We all make mistakes.  We wouldn't be human if we didn't.  Making mistakes means you're trying and at least you're trying.  The mistakes you make aren't important, it's what you learn from making them.  Well, hopefully you learn from your mistakes and don't make the same mistakes twice.

I realize that you, I Know Better, have had some tough road to navigate.  It especially, pains me to hear that you had to sell jewelery that you inherited.  I hope you don't have to sell any more if the pieces do have sentimental value for you.  

I'd like to recommend reading "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran and
"The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck if you haven't read them. I've referred to those books many times.  If you're up for them I've found buying used books online a great experience and an amazing way to save money.

Hope everything works out for for you.  

"The more attention you give to the past, the more you energize it, and the more likely you are to make a "self" out of it. Don't misunderstand: attention is essential, but not to the past. Give attention to the present; give attention to your behavior, to your reactions, moods, thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires as they occur in the present. There's the past in you. If you can be present enough to watch all those things, not critically or analytically but nonjudgementally, then you are dealing with the past and dissolving it through the power of your presence. You find yourself by coming into the present."  

- From The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

I've heard many good things about the The Power of Now, but I haven't read it yet.  You might want to check it out too.

Cannot sterotype all men, but I think there is risk in falling for a hobbyist, but I would not rule it out for all time. It depends on the individual. Unfortunately you are meeting a majority of men that have issues. They all may very, some might be lonely, or have intamacy issues, to your average sociopath. The point is this is not the most conducive environments for meeting and starting a serious relationship. Take care...

Yes, I must post anonymously as I don't want this man to get a clue of how bad I thought I had it for him. So, too bad, too sad if you don't like it.

ok, I had it so fast and so bad that I told this guy after ONE meeting..."OOOOOOOOhhhh, you DON't have to pay me! I would be INSULTED if you ever offered me money again!" What an idiot! I immediately became infected with the "pretty woman" syndrome and to this day feel like such an ass.

I have only fallen so hard and so fast for 2 other men my entire life and I married one and was the SO for 14 years with the other. So, you can probably guess that I don't throw my heart around like a basketball. I must've thought that if I liked him (since my standards are so high & particular) that of course, without a doubt, he would recipocate on the interest. What an ego wake-up call that was. Yes, he broke my heart and had a few months of some awesome free sex. He wasn't bad eiither. So, it wasn't a total loss. In fact, I don't care about that much at all. However, its amazing how we can build up a person to be someone they are NOT in reality. I was in love with the idea of being in-love.

Another valuble lesson, remember that he hired me for my services in the first place and I could never be the idea of what he was looking for (if he was looking) in a mate or relationship. It was a fleeting moment of fantasy. Would I drop everything I am doing and completely change my lifestyle for this man if he promised to sweep me off my feet this very instant.....

Oh! Hell yeah!

xoxoxo
Carol