as a society "hiding" issues is rewarded. being open about them is punished. still there are some folks who are so "reality" oriented that they will be open about their own and other's faults.
interestingly enough, hobbyland, as socially unconventional as it is, is often very rigidly demanding about hiding faults and imposing a very conventional code of hiding one's quirks. fortunately there are a rare few folks who can tolerate my foibles. the proportion is _lower_ than in the population as a whole i think.
it may just be my experience, but i find that in a subculture, like the "hobby", the "code" (except for the compensated companionship issue) is often narrower than in society at large.
Yes I know its rather old news, but I can't be the only one who has ever pulled a mel on a girl. Ie: the girl meaning so much to you that she can fuck you up at will, knowing the right buttons to push.
Hope you have your flame-retardant undies on. You're gonna need 'em.
And OJ didn't do it, politicians all have our best interests at heart, and the "Star Wars" prequels were cinematic masterpieces! 
Hey man, OJ was innocent by reason of Heisman Trophy. It is a well-recognized legal defense!
I've never let alcohol and anger control my life or tried to blame my problems on a woman...
anthony6 is never to be touched with a 10' pole and rubber gloves
You were a drunken, psychotic, violent, angry, racist...
Pithy and 100% correct.
Merry Cheistmas
XLV = 4
I dont mean in the hobby folks,i mean with someone you have a real connection with.not the racist comments, just being pushed to a point like that,i was hearing a radio show on am radio and yes, they said mel was the victim and just by hearing those phone calls you can tell it kinda looked like an act that the girl was doing. Yes, there are very manipulative people out there, they were just pointing out on the radio she seemed like one.For those of you who never let emotions get the better of you with someone you love in an argument,i commend you.it has only happened to me once where I said things that were fueled by emotions, and she just hit every button I had,the draw back I guess of letting people close.for those of you who take offense or are put off by this post,i make no apologies, but you are entitled to your own opinions.
be the bigger person pull the plug when you cool your jets and let the kiddo go back to drama land where she belongs.
if someone acts like they are trying to "push your buttons" you always have a choice as to whether to respond or not and how to respond. someone who feels they "have no choice" has simply failed to grow up. a healthy and youthful maturity brings a wider repertoire of choices.
when drama comes looking for you it is often best to get out of its way, but not always. sometimes "counterdrama" or being properly "assertive" is more effective. which way to choose depends on the individuals involved and their history. too much consistency, may not be a good thing. it can be taken for granted.
but the key is choice. "i had no choice" and "my buttons were pushed" are the defenses of very weak personalities.
Right...and let's not forget that Mel's been down this road several times. He's completely cuckoo, so beware comparing yourself to him. You need to watch the South Park parody of Mel.
you're right, i probably shouldn't have said mel gibson, but i am a guy who rarely gets upset or lets things get to me and that was the most topical thing i could think of. i am of the mind of what do i care what you say, its just an opinion. but this girl... i just yelled at her, but that is a big thing for me as i am a guy who listens to one side, summarizes that side, and then i discuss my points, meaning i try to be logical and am very analytical. never in a million years did i ever think i would ever be to a point where i would yell at her.
for those of you who say control...well, when you get pushed/hurt to a point like i was (i hope none of you ever do though, but i can tell you even my friends said that is one fucked up bitch. i know. do i know how to pick em or what) you come talk to me and tell me how in control you were when every single one of your buttons are pushed by someone you were living with and loved and never in a million years thought they could do something so messed up to you. that is all i am saying here folks. you don't know what you are capable of until you are pushed. like if someone was threatening to seriously hurt/kill your child, i would bet in that moment(not now with this hypothetical) 99.999% of you would do what you had to do to protect your child, even if it meant killing the other person, but most of you now will say you would never ever kill someone. i know, this is an EXTREME comparison, but it makes my point. lets try and keep it civil here folks
there is no need to assume that some folks are "incapable" of this or that bad behavior. we're all human which means we are more or less civilized animals, all of us are "fucked up" to greater or less degree. some folks have a thin veneer of civilization others are more civilized. it is a matter of low versus high thresholds of patience.
it's not a matter of "control" at all as i see it. it is a matter of remembering all the possibilities in every situation. unless you are being held in a prison cell or under some other restraint, there is a door. one can always simply walk away. there is no need to think one has to respond.
whether in the hobby or in real life, everyone has a flaw or two. dividing the world into good and bad guys is unrealistic. when "your buttons are being pushed" it is wise to remember you may have already pushed theirs too. if you can't see your way to the door as a possibility you may need some help to see that way.
friends get to know each others limits and can weather little storms in which mutual button pushing happens. without at least that level of compassion, friendhips don't last and shouldn't. what worries me about your post is that it seems to say "it's all her fault", not the Mel Gibson reference.
it takes two to tangle or to tango. whichever happens (tangling or tangoing) is a result of choices by both.
psychotherapy. Nobody is above it. That's what I truly believe, we all have our weakness' somewhere. Some people are just better than others at hiding them.
"Some people are just better than others at hiding them." Yes...generally from themselves!
There are still many people, including people on this board, who think it is a sign of weakness to seek psychotherapy.
Something that many people are unaware of, is that a requirement for becoming a state-licensed psychotherapist is to receive extensive therapy. And this is of course very helpful.
as a society "hiding" issues is rewarded. being open about them is punished. still there are some folks who are so "reality" oriented that they will be open about their own and other's faults.
interestingly enough, hobbyland, as socially unconventional as it is, is often very rigidly demanding about hiding faults and imposing a very conventional code of hiding one's quirks. fortunately there are a rare few folks who can tolerate my foibles. the proportion is _lower_ than in the population as a whole i think.
it may just be my experience, but i find that in a subculture, like the "hobby", the "code" (except for the compensated companionship issue) is often narrower than in society at large.
Telling people that my mom dropped me too many times when I was 2 y/o and all my sad stories... just that it is a given that we're all screwed up in certain areas of our lives and the quicker we admit that - at least to ourselves as opposed to blame others for our actions - the faster we can start growing. I'm not spooked by people who talk about their issues or problems; I do so with some of my friends and my therapist. Some people believe in God, I don't. Psychoanalysis is my religion whether society is comfortable with that or not. If I wanted or cared about being accepted by society I wouldn't be an escort.
-- Modified on 12/20/2010 2:02:09 PM
i have a bad(?) habit of taking a post and musing randomly on the implications it suggests. it isn't directed at anyone. my intention is usually to explore additional posibilities.
in an otherwise politically (in)correct world. All hail Claudius for a statement of wisdom and clarity.
MAYBE the post was a little wise and somewhat clear. glad you liked it. but i assure you i am not deserving of such praise.
In theory, a person's behavior can trigger an emotion in me, but my behavior is always my responsibility, not theirs. Probably the triggers that hit me hardest, particularly be one who I've come to believe cares deeply for me and about me, is contempt and disdain. I relations, I try to never put out more than I can afford to lose, so seldom feel betrayed, but if I even get a whif of a person being contemptuous or disdainful toward myself or others, I'm outta there! I think these are some significant issues leading to domestic violence.