did you have any intention of NEVER having sex with anyone else besides your wife when you got married?

i've asked a few married men this and surprisingly they all said no.

lol

My gateway drug if you will was an affair during an extended emergency travel. Once the seal was broken, well....

Maybe that is why I struggle with the hobby?

Yes, that was the plan.  But it didn't quite work out that way.

you're a good guy for thinking about it.

Hugs,
Ciara

Those that say NEVER are likely to celebrate much later their "Steel" anniversaries



Steel Anniversary:
If they survived that long with 1 mate they're probably made out of steel....

I had no intention of ever again being with any other woman.  Until one day when I had to use her computer and came across correspondence indicating that for quite some time she'd been having an affair with her boss.

For men it's purely phyisical... hard-wired to fuck almost anyone in his path. Those that tell you no they didn't want to see other women were caught in the temporary moment of bliss. Women are much the same though through custom make it more an emotional issue. I suspect that more women would love the sexual freedoms of an escort if there was not the stigma attached to the work. I have met some real man-eaters in my day. I totally understand the attraction to the sex act. What's love got to do with it?

...that's my problem, I didn't think out the entire idea of marriage.  It just seemed like it was the next natural step to take.  I am always struggling with this hobby...not to mention my religious beliefs...good grief!  To answer the original question...no, I never set-out to specifically sleep with someone else.

Seriously, when our relationship started I lost the desire to even flirt with other women.  She was the end all/be all of my sex drive.

It took some time of her being completely uninterested in sex before I started wanting other women again.

and I have to admit that I've never cheated on any man I've had a relationship with in the past. I guess that's why I'm not emotionally involved with anyone right now, because I feel I would be doing something immoral. I know, it sounds strange because many men that are with me have wives (and yes, I feel guilty about that too), but that's the way I feel. That doesn't mean I judge anyone else for having affairs or casual sex with others. I've learned a lot of patience and humility from this profession, and actually it's been good for me.

Hugs,
Ciara

I dont think anyone lied when they said they would forsake all others when they got married.  We were all in a state of altered consciousness at the time, namely in love. But there is always one thing that happens that changes all of our expectations, hopes, dreams, and plans....LIFE....Life never happens as we plan,

Life just happens while we are busy making other plans.  I say as long as we dont hurt anyone or ourselves then we should just take what life has to offer us and savor every minute of it.  

We all have justifications for what we do.  The wife is not interested in sex anymore.  Unless of course, it is with the guy she is probably boning on the side because you dont take care of her Emotional needs. Which again is directly related to the fact that she does not take care of your physical needs.  Its usually a big circle and most people really need very little prodding to justify there own behavior. And never feel that the behavior of others is justified at all for any reason.  We are all human, all too human....

. . . for 3 years before I hobby when she moved across the country. We slept in separate bedrooms for 2 years and didn't have sex for about 7 years before the separation. Didn't think I would ever hobby until I decided that I've done so much for my family, I should start doing something for myself.

...was a need for so much more than just having sex with another woman. I realized there were other things missing from my marriage such as intimacy, a passion for life, like-mindedness and of course, a healthy physical relationship. I needed these things in my life and she didn’t care. Much talk, much counseling, there was no change, so I left.

I think most of us are pushed into the marriage scene too early in life to know what it is we really want. How can we when we are so green about understanding our own needs and who would make a compatible partner for the rest of our life...

Guys, girls maybe as much, whether it’s picking up one-night stands in the bars or searching the Internet for the ultimate session, seem to be looking for more than just great sex. They want a special touch, someone to notice them, someone to connect with. The ultimate GFE! If you could find this in a life partner, this may be all you need. I see people spending so much time here talking, researching websites, back channeling, PMing and so forth. What is it you’re all looking for, just great sex or someone you can connect with that makes you feel like no other?

I’ve since found a wonderful lady who really fits me, but I needed to be a little further on in life to find out what that took. I honestly (and not just because she will probably read this) have no desire to be with any one else. I joke with her that I can’t even get hard for another woman and that’s fine by me, it’s just the way I’m wired.
Maybe I am a freak of nature. We’ve put a lot of effort into our relationship and it’s just gotten stronger and deeper the longer we have been together (over three years now). When we get married as we are planning, I’m not going to shed a tear for all those untapped woman I could have slept with, paid for or not. I found my pearl...

Sorry to rant or carry on, maybe I should have just answered the question...

Yes, I can picture myself never having sex with anyone else now or when I get married, because I found we have so much more together than just a great physical relationship.

SM

...but after 5 years of marriage I noticed that I was the only who seemed to initate things... so I tried an experiment: I would NOT, under any circumstances, initate anything.

Two years went by before I finally caved.

After that, I knew it was only a matter of time until I fell.

Nothing to see here.

-- Modified on 12/1/2005 5:27:59 PM

. . . then she turned hostile and now we are separated.

Yes.  The last BJ I got from my wife was 13 years ago on our wedding night.  After a 10 year absence, I finally started hobbying.  I still love my wife, and we still get it on.  Just not as often as I'd like, nor with the spice that I like.  On one hand I feel like she led me into the hobby and on the other hand I feel guilty as hell for cheating on her.  So if this isn't positive proof of the powers of a damn good BJ then I don't know what is.

...mine is heading that way fast.

death do we part.  I am divorced, but still going through a circle of hell with the ex, so it is still not over.
Yes, I had every intention of staying true to my one and only, but I guess I was too idealistic, and too horny for the ex, so I tasted the fruit from the tree of knowlege and here I am today.  Still, no regrets. (Except I wish I had known about prenups.)

Yes.  But then reality intervened.  Her alcoholism (she's in recovery now and doing well).  Trouble with both kids, now 19 & 17.  Her difficulty with orgasm due to prozac and my loss of desire for sex with her (the bad stuff does wear you down).

All this mess, and we're still married because there are still a number of pluses, but I had to start doing some things for myself.  One of them was hobbying, and it's been great so far.

I think spouses expect too much of one-another.  In our culture, a spouse is expected to be:  friend, lover, psychologist, companion, helper, and on and on.  That's a lot of pressure.  No one can live up to that, and when they fail, we're disappointed.

When I stopped expecting my wife to be everything, things got better.  Of course, she'd go nuts if she found out about my hobby but that'd be because of her unrealistic expectations of me.

Now I am much more relaxed.  I kept my vows of loyalty and faithfulness for 10+ years only to find out during the divorce that I was a "SUCKER"  Early on in our marriage I was offered but never partook.  Well so much for that theory...

I also kept an immaculate house... now? The kids even clean up!  say I am tooo messy - not dirty - just messy!  Kinda feel that way about sex.... only there I want dirty "wink" and not messy!!!!!

hee hee - I crack me up.

So I guess if I had done the hobby - I would still be married?  hummmm....  That does not make sense.... hummm.

but two things got in the way. 1. Maturity brought me confidence and a very healthy income. These seem to attract the attention of some very attractive women. 2. My SO gained 60-80 lbs after our marriage and coupled with her lack of interest in sex, it was very easy to look elsewhere.

"We all have justifications for what we do."

I am not the judgmental type so on individual basis there is probably a good reason for hobbying; I've read much in these forums to understand. But when I look at the big picture, I think most of the justifications are excuses for cheating.

If you can't trust each other anymore, either get help or just end it.

No, never had any intention and guess what? I  have been faithful for 16 years. So why am I here? I want to do it really bad and having an affair is too complicated for me. I just want the hot sex. Sometimes I think I can't go through with it but I want to so bad.

If you are so complete then why are you on here?...Is this something you two hobby at together?...Or Are you still looking for something?....I am just trying to understand why you still hobby if you are so complete?....

The vast majority of guys don't go into a marriage thinking that they'll ever cheat or planning to do it.  

Hi MX;

I doubt that there were many guys who walked up the aisle, thinking about shtupping anyone but the lady waiting at the altar.

But things change and we all devise excuses that work for ourselves in order to justify our behaviour. We live our lives in compartments and usually are more honest with the ladies we see than we are with our wives.

I feel neither proud nor ashamed about my conduct, it is just one facet of my increasingly complex life.

N

-- Modified on 12/2/2005 8:39:04 AM

I have wondered, but have never been able to breach the topic without sounding judgmental, how providers feel about seeing married men.  

Since I'm an atheist, I have a morality that agrees with society's only coincidentally.  The way I see it where adultery is concerned, one should avoid wrecking or breaking up a formalized marriage, especially one with children.  That doesn't mean no sex outside of marriage, but ideally that is between the spouses to work out.    

I have said before that I trysters like yourself save many more marriages than they wreck, but that doesn't mean that wives will ever appreciate you.

It's a difficult position (pardon the pun - wink) to be put in, but I would never break up a marriage intentionally. That's why our profession is based so much on privacy issues for both us and our clients/friends.

Hugs,
Ciara

... I found this board over three years ago and met my fiancé here. I find the dialogue quite interesting at times and useful as far as trying to figure out a trying relationship.
That's all, I don't see any of the ladies here but I do keep in touch with a few that I've known over the years.

Honestly, I can’t wait to leave the whole thing behind me...

SM

ditto