Watching things on playboy channel(recently acquired). WTF is up with all this abusive shit in pornos now?  An ass slap maybe I get (not for me, but whatever). But I'm seeing crap like guys / gals slapping tits now (hard), ramming cocks hard down throats to the point of tears in the eyes and repeated gagging, "rape like" behavior (forcefully grabbing throats, hair, grabbing neck from behind and forcing face in pillow, spitting on crotches, etc). WTH is going on?  Does any but a few select women find this abuse fun?!!!

My god, I've been with some open minded civie women, but this crap to me is just best case "demented control freak" bordering on worst case "abusive closet rapist one step away from actually raping or hurting someone" type of behavior.

Do women get off on this shit now?  If they do, I'll be a severely disappointing screw!

most women don't get off on it at all (with apologies to lilli, God bless her submissive heart! ...many MEN do!

Porn is overwhelmingly made for men, if you haven't noticed.

But it's just the envelope being pushed that much further to "maintain interest" in an increasingly removed from society clientele.

Very scary.

I remember months ago when my business wasn't as lucrative, I decided to venture into the BDSM world. Little did I know they guy who set an appt with me wasn't really into BDSM, but abuse. I was nave on this topic. So anyway, he slammed me to the ground on my knees, slapped me my face and force face fucked me. spit on my face as he called me a worthless whore. Pulled my hair, etc. Just plan abused the hell out of me. I was scared and couldn't escape the situation so I just crossed me fingers that I wouldn't die that night. I needed the money at that time but it so wasn't worth it. I cried for a few weeks.

Being on the receiving end takes a special woman or a broke one who needs money because getting straight fucked up and abused is no joke. Though I'm sure there are some ladies out there who like it.

Now on the other hand, abuse porn is one of my favorites to watch when using my vibator. I especially like group sex with abuse. Maybe its because its not happening to me, but another person and I get off on that control factor. I just might be a little off but I like the smacking of the face and forcefully face fucking in porn. I will rewind the especially rough parts when Im climaxing.

Its strange I know how it feels demeaning when it is done to me but I like watching it happen to other ladies in porn. Huh.

~Just another provider with a strange porn fetish.

I know exactly what you mean and agree with you wholeheartedly.  Personally, it makes me sick.  Different strokes, different folks I suppose.  Perhaps I'm old fashioned for being such a young heart, but short of the ass slapping (which I'd only do hard if she convincingly asked me to) I couldn't and wouldn't participate in abuse-like sex like they do in a lot of videos these days.  Not to offend anyone that likes this sort of stuff in a safe environment, but it's just not my cup of tea.

Sir, I do not feel degraded at all when I get my face fucked.....I LOVE SUCKING COCK! I am totally obsessed with it.

I would never be totally alone with a hobbyist, tied up and beat on.....not happening.

However, I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee having my face and throat fucked. I will allow and love for my play mate to fuck my face as deep as he can....gagging, being out of breath, and my eyes watering are part of my enjoyment of the session.

YUP grab my head and go for it!!!!! Think about it Sir....he is happy and I am in complete control....plus I get to play with my wet snatch....while he watches.

A nice slow deep face fuck is part of my requirement on a date.....it is a preference for me. If my eyes are not watering, and I am not gagging and breathless I am not going to be happy...shy guys...I get on my knees grab them by their hips and force them to fuck my face..... I cannot explain why I love wet sloppy DT sessions...but I seriously love a fat cock running over my tongue and down my throat...I take breaks to talk dirty and get the cock fed to me AGAIN AND AGAIN.....give me a cup and I AM IN HEAVEN...

OK I AM NOW HORNY AS HELL!!!!!!!

that was NOT, I repeat NOT BDSM.  That was straight abuse and you were right to be afraid. As it's practiced in safe circles, BDSM encompasses "safe, sane and consensual" (read: NEGOTIATED) play. Just because you were in his room does not mean you were consenting to the abuse he put you through.  

If you want to find out what's what, in a SAFE environment, find out where your local group meets for casual public dinners called "munches." You can ask all your questions there; they'll give you the right answers.

-- Modified on 2/4/2010 1:10:37 AM

I personally think abusive sex is kinda messed up, and shows that the guy is a control freak.

I know a provider who told me quite a horror story about this though. She had a regular who kept begging to let him tie her up, but she always refused. She eventually stopped seeing him, but found out later that some other providers he'd seen did let him tie them up. And the guy ended up using a razor blade and cut them up pretty badly. Talk about fucked up.

It seems to me that anything like that requires a hell of a lot of trust, and that can't be established very well within the provider-hobbyist relationship. Ladies, please be safe out there.

Just because it's fantasy doesn't mean we want it done to us for real...

However, it does generally mean there are aspects of the situation that are appealing and we would want (i.e someone else taking control for us - order your meal at a restaurant, etc) to enact them (under proper circumstances).

There are even more extreme examples, cases where real medical aid is required as in cases of whipping, etc.

There was a poster on another board who enjoyed discussing what it is like to be a true submissive (unlike the many fake submissives she excortiates.)  She would often post picutures of her latest wounds to prove her point.  She was in some ways the most sweet and disarming person you'd ever want to meet, and my heart and the hearts of others went out to her; but we also knew that she was doing what her nature called out for.  By the way, she was pure BD/SM, no sex of any kind, and she made this quite clear.

I have never participated in any kind of violent sexual activities (unless COF is considered violent which some people believe, but others don't.  One tantrika I know insists on finishing her session with it as she has an orgasmic response to it, and this is another person that would not engage in FS.)

The spectrum if deep and wide, and I'm never surprised anymore at what one may find when you enter something on Google.

I myself find some of it very titilating, but I know that in reality I could not perform.

I also know that when you get to know a gal well, and she gets comfortable with you, you might get a request for something very bizzare.  Sometimes I have gone through with them and not enjoyed it (One gal wanted to be bound to the bed posts, gagged, have me slice her clothes off with a knife, and rape her.)  I found the idea compelling, so I went through with it; but I felt queasy during the commission.  I couldn't maintain an erection so I went down on her instead and got her off with an orgasm.  She enjoyed it very much however.  I untied her and gave her an oily massage and ended up getting very turned on by that and shot a big wad on her face.  I turned her on to that, by the way, as I have a number of gals who at first were repulsed by the idea but grew to enjoy it in time.

Kink is a very prevallent, if somewhat elusive, comodity.

As someone else said, different strokes for different folks. I personally greatly dislike porn that has this as it's content as it's almost always the women getting the rough stuff...except BDSM where the guy is a sub.

I would hate to think that some guy could come over and try this during a session..you know the re-enact a porn scene type thing.

which shades the lines a bit.

There *should* still be a basis in "contract" and the scene should still be transactional in nature.

However many like to be taken beyond what they perceive as their edge -

This is an especiality of mine as an old guard leather lifestyle dom/top of 29 years.

But I do agree that the sample in question is not BDSM but rather an assault perpetrated by a dangerous individual.

Proper BDSM clubs use moderators to avoid problems....

fkn-a allure......... now I"M horny as hell!!!!!!  why can't i find someone like you near me.  FAHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKKKKKK

you are absolutely right however, most visual pornography is geared to men, not the average woman. this is why i happen to enjoy this kind of porn...it is not even necessarily the specific activities i care about, it is more the overall attitude/atmosphere. i prefer being sexual with men who are self-focused and concerned about having their own needs and desires met. of course this does not have to equate to what the OP is labeling "abuse," but it very well could. i also prefer being sexual with men who are very confident and aggressive, again at least in a sexual environment. if a man lacks these qualities, i see it as part of my job to create a comfort level and atmosphere where he will gain confidence in himself as a man and this naturally leads to more aggression, even from the most timid or insecure of men.

i remember the pride and joy i felt the first time one of my most shy and insecure long-time friends grabbed the back of my head and pushed it firmly down on his cock as i was pleasuring him orally. a man who previously felt the need to ask permission to so much as caress my breasts, and who could not muster up the courage to ask a woman out on a date. and here he was now, gagging me! what a breakthrough!

just makes the heart happy, what can i say?

I think we can all agree that pornographers are entitled to depict more or less whatever they want as long as it's consensual.  I'm sure that there are completely harmless people out there, both male and female, who enjoy abuse, either giving or receiving, and I wouldn't want to take away their simple pleasures.  I have my own fetishes and peccadillos that I enjoy, and my philosophy is 'to each their own.'  Who am I to judge?  Having said that, I personally find male-on-female abuse of any kind, whether it's filmed or not, consensual or not, to be distasteful and it doesn't really turn me on.  I'm not being chivalrous -- I do enjoy watching depictions of Greek and CIM/COF in pornos.  But choking, gagging, ass slapping, hair pulling, etc, just does nothing for me.  In my personal life, I generally refuse to participate in any of these activities, including Greek.  Watching is one thing, performing is another.  I have no way of knowing if a lady really likes Greek, for example, or if she is only pretending to enjoy it just to turn me on, and I have no desire to hurt anyone, even if they're willing.  I always feel uncomfortable every time a lady asks/tells me to perform one of these activities, and I'm essentially forced to comply.  Just not my thing.  On the other hand, a lady can be as rough with me as she wants.  I'm big... I can take it.  Whatever gets them off (or helps them to convincingly fake it LOL).

On a somewhat related note, isn't it interesting that violence against women specifically still bothers people to the degree that it does?  I've never heard anyone speaking out about "violence against men."  I've never heard anyone try to stop the violence against men that's depicted in fetish porn (although some moral crusaders do try to stop the supposed violence against women in vanilla porn).  To me, violence is violence is violence, and if it isn't consensual, it isn't cool; If it is consensual and it still bothers you, just avert your eyes.  But it shouldn't matter who the perpetrator or the victim are.  How can we really have gender equality as long as violence against women is regarded as its own special category of violence?

...would call natural, primal sex. sex devoid of all the generations upon generations of cultural conditioning and modern mores relating to gender. sex the way our ancient ancestors enjoyed it, when a man was a man and a woman was a woman.

the more demanding and aggressive a man is sexually, the more feminine and delicate i feel in relation to him. i enjoy feeling small, helpless, feminine, as opposed to say feeling like the "boss lady" that a man is desperately trying to please, or else his ego is shattered.

with that said, i am absolutely NOT into BDSM, nor any sexual roleplay of that ilk. to me that makes sex feel like a game or broadway production, i am all about everything being natural, fluid, organic. not every man is wired that way, true...but i happen to believe that deep deep down, shedding all the layers of what has been brainwashed into men for the last 100 years in the western world...most men DO harbor a beast within. that beast may lie dormant and neglected for a lifetime, or it may be free to fully develop and express itself in every aspect of a man's life. but with the exception of a very few, it is there.

I'm not trying to be overly dramatic, but some of that stuff could seriously injure, kill or psychologically damage a woman who is subjected to it.

IMO, it has no place within the context of sex.

Pornography of this sort is dangerous because it teaches men that this sort of behavior is both acceptable and expected. And it teaches women that  they have to accept abuse in order to please men.

I'm with the OP. Any woman who is expecting me to engage in such activity is going to be sadly disappointed.

I can absolutely appreciate what Lilli says about guys unleashing their wild beast within.

But there is a fundamental difference between sexual and fight/flight drives.

This porn mixes the two; as though the two primal drives are the same. As though sex and violence are inseparable. But those primal drives ARE and OUGHT TO BE *separate*.

Just because I want to have sex with a woman doesn't mean I should be oblivious to her humanity in the process.

There is a reason why I do not purchase pornography in any form to support that industry. And material such as the OP is describing is the reason.

A man can be manly, IMO, without slapping or abusing a woman either physically or verbally.

experience. This way I could train my partner in a few kinky turn-ons, by putting her through them first, then submitting to her in turn. Maybe she could show me a few new things in the same way. At least it puts the Golden Rule into the session.

I love given head and tossing salad. Actually, Im excellent at it. I won't let anyone fuck my face though. I just don't enjoy gagging not fun for me. I just don't understand how men or women find enjoyment in it. There is a porn producer out there, I can't remember his name but he gets these girls high on heroin or what ever and then fucks there throats so hard they are actually vomoting on their dicks. Yeah, that's sexy! YUCK!

I may not be into what you are into (although with you, who knows what would come out), but you obviously are 100% committed to it. As long as no one is hurt, more power to you and those that want to be with you.  You DEFINTELY stand out.