She has said, by your own admission, that she "doesn't want or need you", but your "heart" tells you otherwise.

You "tried to become her best friend","She sent you packing", can't you take no for an answer? I bet you left out the part where her boyfriend beat the shit out of you for interfering in their life.

I hope every provider on this board reads this posts and gives you a wide berth. You are every providers worst nightmare.

and I bet even you are smart enough to figure out who this "alias" is.

internal reality without expecting to get burned in the process! It's what I call the law of equalizing forces. If you disrupt it, somethings gonna blow, and it's most likely going to be on you.

Or a liar. I guess you could claim you made the whole thing up.

Either way, liar or stalker, you don't come across as much of a human being. Calling yourself a man after a post like that shows you are delusional to boot.

AAR, I'm tired of this "conversation", I hope you can manage to save up the twenty bucks for VIP, so you too can be a "cowardly alias poster"

I am going to get drunk and watch football. You OTOH probably need to go keep tabs on this woman that wants nothing to do with you. Don't worry, you just keep stalking her and either she will come around (yeah right) or maybe she or her boyfriend will just put a cap in your ass. lol

Since when are you so fucking nice??? lol

I think maybe I need to go to a bar and watch all my money dissolve before my eyes. Oh well, bookies need to make a living too.

It sucks when your team wins 43-0 and you still lose your bet. That's been the story of my day so far.

First I'll admit that I have doubts about the story.  It seems a bit Hollywoodish ("Tarantino"), but I can't prove otherwise, so I'll accept it for now.

However, there's one thing missing from this story and that's you.  What do you make of this?  If you had known before hand where this would lead, would have have gone down this road?

What was your personal situation when this started, single, divorced, seeing someone?

How old are you anyways?  What are your life experiences?  Just saying you've been to the rodeo before doesn't quite cut it on this score.

Sorry but unless I get something about you, I don't know what to make of this story.  You relate it like a detective narrating a film noir movie, not like someone who needs to tell us something in order to resolve same.

Maybe you need to start at the begining and think about why you are telling this story, and why you assume someone would be taking a shot at you.

All that said, I hope she turns out OK, and that you do too.

I also have doubts if you two are really right for each other, but that's a whole other kettle of fish.

I am not sure why I am writing this and I am sure I will take some shot for it from the peanut gallery, but I think I just have to tell someone and I truly cannot tell the complete story to my friends or family.

So here it goes. A little more than a year ago I met her for the first time when she worked at a local agency. As soon as the door I have to admit I was smitten, she had the most beautiful face I had ever laid my eyes on and her eyes just glowed with this amazing warmth. I wasn't that I fell in love or any shit like that, as it wasn't my first rodeo and I wasn't going to be delusional that there might be anything more than just being biz transaction. The session went well and I started seeing her a few times over the next few months through the agency. We always got along great and seemed to bond. But I still wasn't going to fool myself into having any feelings for her.

Eventually I gave her my e-mail and told her if she would ever want to meet outside of the agency but still on the clock then she should just e-mail me and that way she could keep all the money. I know shady move towards her employer but I didn't really care. Then due too our schedules not lining up we didn't see each other for about 2 months until late last year when we hooked up for the first time outside the agency. After that meeting we went out for dinner, nothing major but our first activity off the clock. When we got back to the hotel I wished her a good night at the door and she hugged me not seeming to want to let go. Still I was certain this was just another selling technique for her to make me feel special and keep coming back. I was burned once before letting my feelings take over, had learned my lesson and was surely not going to let this happen again.

From there it progressed quickly to her spending first whole days, then weekends and eventually up to five days. I always paid her, but it was very little money she wanted, about her one hour rate per day we spent together. The fact that I still paid her helped me keep my wits about it, because any time my feelings started to come out I could tell myself I was still paying her and she was only with for that. And eventually feelings did develop, slowly because I was trying hard not to let them run wild but I guess it was inevitable when you start spending so much time together. She admitted the same thing, but I was taking it with a grain of salt. 

During this time she also started to open up and I saw her darker sadder side. She told me of her tumultuous upbringing (foster care, sexual abuse, etc.), about her current situation (she was married to an abusive drunk) and about how she entered the hobby (her husband forced her into it, when he lost his job). With every story I got more skeptical, thinking she was just trying to trick me into feeling sad for her. But things happened that eventually made me believe her (you would be surprised how quickly you believe a story when you actually come face to face with said husband and he tries to beat you up for taking his woman lol). All this time she still worked for the agency I originally met her through. She hated it but needed the money and had to appease her asshole of a husband.

Eventually we made plans for her to quit and leave her husband. I helped her move to her parents, which was coincidentally much closer to me than her original home. she settled into a life outside the hobby and we kept seeing each other. By no means was this a Pretty Woman story, not unless Quentin Tarantino was directing it. She didn't like living with her parents but knew that's where she needed to be at that point. Around that time was when she stopped accepting money from me anymore. She said it just didn't feel right and it made her feel as still being in the biz. I of course was fine with it, but still helped here and there with bills as her money situation wasn't well. It wasn't much, just what I pretty much have done always for any girlfriend.

Eventually she found a job and new things to be passionate about. We kept seeing each other as often as we could and our relationship grew. About six months after we started dating I finally said "I love you" to her and she gave me the brightest smile I have ever seen, fell around my neck and said I will always love you too. As cheesy as it sounds I probably will never forget that moment in my life.

Sadly not all was always great. It became apparent over time that she just couldn't run away from some of her demons inside. While she nearly always the happiest person when we were together, cracks started to show in her demeanor especially when we were not together. Sometimes on the phone she started saying things like "she didn't deserve me" and "she wasn't worth anything". I always told her that this wasn't true and she shouldn't think of her that way. It only happened every once in while, but it was there. Then there was this one single time when I met her that she completely faulted and cried for hours, calling herself names like whore and piece of shit. I tried my best to calm her and convince her that these things weren't true. Eventually she started smiling and this episode was over. Shortly after this evening I asked her once if she didn't want to seek professional help but she wasn't having any of it. She said she was fine and just had a really rough day that time. So I left it at that.

And that's where we get to today. It's about three months later and sadly a fee days ago she had a nervous breakdown a couple of days ago and tried to kill herself. I wasn't with her at that time so I don't know if something specific triggered it or if she was just overall overwhelmed.

So now I am sitting here in the hospital waiting room and typing this on my phone while waiting to be able to finally see. And all the time I can't stop thinking if I couldn't have done something to prevent it, if I should have been more forceful to make her get help and if I should have seen any recent signs that this was coming. One recent text saying "Can't wait to see u. big hugs and kisses. I need you." just won't leave my mind, which I took as her just being playful, but now the "I need you" haunts me. I know the doctors and her parents told me there was nothing that I could have done or any signs this would happen, but somehow this just doesn't make it into my head.

In any case I am not writing this to condemn the hobby in any way, because I know she is just one out of so many girls here and most of them do not go through anything like this. And I know her demons started long before she ever entered this biz. Also without the hobby I would have most likely never met her and I will always be grateful for that. I am also sure there are going to be the cynics out here that will question if my story is true and that's fine, I don't really care. 

So that is it and if you made it all the way down here then credit to you.

At this point I am just praying that she will be recovering well and that we will have a long future together ahead of us, because as the title said she is without a doubt the love of my life. Thank you for listening/reading, now have at it .

lady obviously cares for you as you do for her.

often require going through the deepest blackest tempest. may you both enjoy peace and happiness afterwards.

Some folks come from very harsh backgrounds.  I am sur some Providers share her story, and many do not. Work slow, but try to get het to therapy. The hospital will give her some help. Be supportive and be there for her. You are a good man and were very cautious. You may have been the first person to actually care about her well-being.  Good luck and Godspeed.

I know of one such lady,a provider,(whom I spent civee time with),with the same inner demons as you described above!
I tried to become her best friend and help her in any way i could,to no avail,she sent me packing.She was actually mean to me,in the civee world!
She quiets her inner demons with cannabis and drink!
I just think she's afraid to allow, someone to love her?
Her boyfriend treats her like shit,then i come along and try and treat her like a queen and she wants nothing to do with me! (i get it,but then again i don't)
Maybe she doesn't really want or need me,but my heart tells me otherwise!!
I hope your lady is going to be ok!
Give her lot's of love,she needs and deserves it!

Nope,don't know who you are,don't care!!!
But your still nadless!!!
Maybe you are nadless,,that's it,your a provider!!!(are you from the carolinas?)(or Mass?) Come on,,give a retard a little hint!!!
A provider's worst nightmare is,not being able to find a man like me!!!!

is really just your mind farting.

I've had a few caps in my ass(and other parts of my body) in Viet Nam,,What the hell,a few more isn't gonna hurt!

Perhaps this will push her into getting the help she needs.  Best of luck.

Having a girl with underlying esteem issues, playing the blame game with yourself, wondering what you could have done when she falls apart. It's pointless, I promise you. I've been there, and I learned a lesson.    

My BM (that's 'baby mama' if you're not ebonically inclined) tried her hand at this biz for a couple years. Slightly different circumstances in that we were together for several years before she got into it, I didn't meet her on the job.  

I guess you could say she was - "broken" - in much the same way as your lady is - a victim of a sexual assault and of past abusive relationships. My girl relied heavily on superficial things like her good looks and material possesions for self-esteem. In terms of having any real substance, she always saw herself as lacking, and it got ugly for her when she tried to dig below the surface.

Here is the short version of a long story. We were swingers. Certain events while we were living that lifestyle led her to believe this would be a good career choice. I bucked, she held her ground, I relented. She seemed content and happy at the time. She worked as an escort for two years. It ended abruptly, and BADLY.

A novella could be written about the events leading up to, and during that time, but I'm not going to hijack your thread with all that. I'll skip to the end.

The night she quit for good -

It took me two hours to get her to stop crying, and another two hours to get her to unlock the bathroom door. Useless words..."It will be ok, baby", like that's supposed to cure it. She couldn't look me in the eyes for days.

She was humiliated, worrying about of all things, how I would look at her, after this episode which involved a missing condom in her cervix, a very ignorant client, and a potentially life changing consequence.

It might have been a month before I saw her smile about anything again.

That douche was her last client. Not really all his fault for what ensued afterwards (this incident BTW was not the aforementioned sexual assault - that was years before I met her - this was just an act of complete stupidity and arrogance by the client and complacency by her)... this had been building in her for years, before becoming an escort and even before I knew her. Like I said, the issues were already there. I'd caught glimpses of them but she'd always acted as if she had everything under control. But this business and that night inparticular was the catalyst for things coming to a head.

It seems this is something of the case in your situation as well - the issues were there before and this occupation was like jet fuel poured on a fire already burning.  

She hated herself for everything she'd done - swinging, providing, and a shit load of other things, hell - everything. None of which, in my estimation, made her a bad person, but then I'm not the traditional type. She on the other hand had been raised very traditionally and up to that point had bucked the restraints of those morally confining values all her life.

And I heard all of those things your lady said to you, about how I shouldn't love her or want to be with someone "like her"...it's like she forgot who *I* was. What she was really saying was that she had no love for herself, so why would I?

I couldn't even broach the topic of sex with her without her taking every opportunity to demean herself. She even regressed to the point of blaming herself for being a sexual assault victim, for the abuse her ex had given her, and anything else she could think up. She might have taken credit for the 9-11 attack if she had any plausible way of involving herself.  

It's truly amazing the amount of baggage a person can not only carry around with them, but keep hidden. She balked at the idea of therapy. She "was fine", sound familiar? And after a while she seemed like she was, most of the time, until some random event would trigger something and she'd either blow up in a fit of rage, or cry a monsoon.

I spent a lot of time walking on eggshells, trying to be careful with her fragile emotions. Took the brunt of her anger when she blew up and dusted it off my shoulders. And then I'd spend countless hours drying tears when she fell apart.  

Largely, I felt like it was my responsibility as her man to find a way to make her happy again. This is a girl who could hardly stop smiling for most of the years we'd been together, and I wanted THAT girl back. The lengths I went to, trying to achieve this, would put any so-called "mangina" to shame. I could give a fuck.

But it was tiresome and frustrating to see nothing work. I'd put her on a cloud, leave to go about handling my own business, only to return to her and find that it had all been undone in my absense. We're talking a matter of hours here. Like a band-aid that came off every time I left her alone.  

I ran my mind ragged trying to think of what I could have done to prevent this emotional collapse. What if I'd tried harder to prevent her from choosing this occupation. But I didn't. I put my 2 cents in the pot and when she set her mind on doing it anyway I stepped back and encouraged and helped her in any way I could, like I thought I was supposed to.

But later I realized, it wouldn't have made any difference, this was all going to surface eventually. And I also realized that there was nothing I could do to make her happy. Make her laugh, yes. Make her smile, yep. Get her exicited, sure. Make her gush with compliments and impromptu acts of affection, no problemo.

But make her truly happy...*sigh*

People who are emotionally "broken" can't be fixed by others, like a surgeon with a scalpel. They have to fix themselves.

Happiness starts from within. It's contentment, an appreciation for what you have, the confidence you get from knowing you do what's right, and knowing that no matter what happens today the sun still comes up tomorrow, and most of all, it's realizing your own value, and appreciating your uniqueness - accepting both the good and bad choices that have made you what you are - someone of value.

Happiness lives only in the present - not looking back on good times, or looking forward to a hopeful future - but loving the here and NOW. And it can't be done without the things mentioned above.

Can you give her that? Of course not, no one can. Nothing you say or do can change her opinion of herself, or what she sees when she looks in the mirror. All you can do is offer a temporary indulgence of happiness, but it's fleeting, and gives way to a very painful crash and burn. It won't solve the problem.

But it helps to have positive people around, and the encouragement and support of the ones who care - you CAN give her that. But ultimately, it's on her. Show her where to find her own strength, what to look for when she seeks to find her worth, and hope like hell she recognizes it.

Good luck.

They are irresistible aren't they? They seem to know some amazing secret you could never discover without them and yet you know that to cling to them will dash you against the rocks. It's very kind and good hearted what you are doing, but we all write our own stories. Some are tragedies, I hope yours works out well, it taint over till its over.

That, I must yield the title of ultimate mangina to you. I also hand you the title king of fools. On top of that you have replaced Jack_Schitt as the person on this board that I most do not want my wife to meet client. You scare me. Now you are trying to force your affections on someone who does not want them? I call that stocking. You professional need help. Please, get it before you do something stupider than you already have.

The story struck close to home for me as there is some similarities between some one I am close to and the woman in this story. I wish you both luck in recovery.

There are lots of ways you can meet a girlfriend, and this is one of them.  Hell, they say that if you do what you love, you will have your best chances of meeting a good match, LOL.  So that's how you met this girl, no need to be so apologetic about that!  By now, it doesn't really matter how you met.  You two are getting to know each other (truly) like anyone else.  

It's obvious now that she has serious challenges.  Since you are still getting to know her, I think it's fair for you to decide whether this is something you want to commit to.  If you'd been together for years before this depression came up, I'd say tough it out with her, because you know things will go back to normal.  If you had just met her a month or two ago, I'd say run for the hills, because you don't need to sign up for that!  This is kind of an intermediate case.  You've had time to know her pretty well, but obviously not with all of her problems.  It's up to you to decide how committed you are and whether you're ready for this.  Good luck!

pursue this.  You are only guilty of being human.   I know lots of folks who were married to the wrong person when the right one came along.   IF you are free & available & she is of the same mind, then by all means have at it.  Couples who found each other through the hobby are not always successful but ARE on enough occasions that we can not sweep ity under the rug.  

IF you are NOT free & available, then your involvement will do more harm than good and the conflict will further crush her spirit.

You do not answer to me & you have left these details blank.   You owe it to HER & to YOURSELF to do the right thing.    
skb

One more day until I fly to some cesspool where pussy is at a premium.  I figured that maybe if I was nice I'd get reshuffled to Dallas or some other city that's swarming with available poontang.  Not looking good so far, but I may be on for that other trip after all.  We'd need to leave MP in charge of the board though.

On a bright note, misery loves company, and you're losing money, lol

I'm way ahead of you, LP....!

I have a few ideas I'd like to kick around with you and Gambler, though....

Tell me, does a Mod, or an interim Mod, have an expense account? You know, for expenses incurred during said moderation of the board?

I'm not talking having a beer truck pull up and a busload of providers. Don't be ridiculous!

Just a catering van, with great eats and drink, and a limo with 4, maybe 5 ladies of my choosing?

Would help with the stress that I might be subjected to while handling such a huge endeavor....

but your right pussy is at a premium. At leased you can go out at night without fear. Then again there is no place worth going out to as they roll up the sidewalks at 10PM. OK it is a cesspool if you want to party.

This your story sounds scarily familiar to mine but I am still living it.

What's similarly interesting is when a woman manages to hide the effects of the sexual abuse, rape and subsequent escorting throughout the dating process (and not even mention they had ever occurred) -- only to have it unload like a ton of bricks after you've already married her.

It's been 8 years now of therapist after therapist, trying all sorts of different approaches, walking on eggshells, etc. Practically everything in life revolves around her care.

And you are absolutely right -- all I can do is give her an environment for her to heal herself IF and WHEN she so chooses. Nothing more.

What's funny is how, years after all this crap came out, she has decided to come up with some twisted ways of blaming me for her affliction.

At this point, I am sorry to say, she has a deadline and the clock is ticking -- and she knows it. I am not going to spend the rest of my life revolving around caring for a young, intelligent, beautiful and capable woman as though she were an invalid.

but it's OK if it doesn't work. i can keep the "kinder gentler" front covered. it's probably better that it comes fromsomeone NOT in authority anyway.

best wishes for a happy landing on your voyage.

You know, though, it takes a lot to have mrfisher make these observations and especially come to these points.

So, I would tend to agree with him. I didn't actually read the whole thread yet, just because the fact it was about as long as one of my reviews. Which I know can bore a man to tears! lol!

But, when I do read this thread, I'm pretty convinced my stance won't change.

Some things, some PEOPLE, you just hold stock in. You trust them, and give them the benefit of the doubt. mrfisher is one.

Call me an asskisser, whatever.

Like I said, rarely have I seen him go off on someone. Though he did it eloquently, and in his style, but bullshit is bullshit.

Sorry. Just me. I'll read the thread now and we'll see WTF....

I'm deathly afraid of Mormons, so I'll be huddled up in my hotel room.  Hopefully, some lovely damsel will come rescue me.

That's a hell of a story. I'm not saying it's false, by no means.

It just, I don't know, wreaks of something in my opinion.

To tell the truth, I tried something similar a few months ago. Wasn't as dramatic, but still was along the line of the 'Pretty Woman' deal.

The thing is, there's some people here that know both the characters, or at least of them.

You posted under an alias. I don't, but the people that knew what I was up to know who she is, are friends with her and/or me, or talked with her at some point. mrfisher was one of them, as well as many other illustrious characters on this forum. Men and women alike.

So, you're in this position. I hope it works out.

There's no reason to believe that a man and a woman can't find each other under the strangest of circumstances.

I didn't get into this to find a partner for life, as I'm sure you didn't either.

But sometimes, you just 'click'.

Damn. All I have to say is, be careful. You have a mountain to climb. But anything worthwhile takes a lot of time and energy, compassion and love.

Peace....

As the Mormons own everything here including most of the hotels.

I would consider this cautionary tone seriously.  You care for her, so do what you can.  But tread carefully or you will risk getting in too deep (may be already) and will likely get very hurt in the process.  It seems likely that she has been engaging in behaviors that you don't know about this whole time.  If I were you, I would remove any exchange of money and sex from your relationship for now.  If you can help her get on her feet as a friend, that would be great.  And if possible, progress from there.

You have been a caring person.  Best of luck.

As for the incident with the client, everything turned out fine per obsessive STD testing on her part for months afterward. Physically, I mean, she was fine. Emotionally I've already explained at length.

After she gave it up she held on to a couple of sugar daddies who were her former clients. But after about a year or so she tired of them and all their neediness. The girl is way too needy herself to deal with other people's shit - at least she finally realized it.

She hasn't had a source of income since she cut ties to her sugar daddies - doesn't really seem to know how to function in a "real job" anymore. All that work for a weekly paycheck that amounts to what she used to make in a hour is hard for her to swallow - BIG TIME.  

She was always terrible with money and doesn't have much to show for any of it, aside from the gaudy pimped-out SUV her former sugar daddy bought her. She often talks about going back to it in a limited fashion, maybe flying UTR staying off TER and ad sites and just sending the word out to her former clientelle through the contact list on her former provider e-mail. The only thing stopping her is me.

She'd instructed me a long time ago to change her TER password and the password of her provider e-mail that has her contact list, explicitly so if she ever tried to go back, she'd have to go through me to get it. She must have forseen that she'd wind up in this situation. I think the fact that she didn't just delist herself and delete the e-mail account is evidence of that. She wanted to have the option, without starting anew minus her reviews and her mile long list of client e-mails. But didn't want to be able to do it on a whim - she has also realized how irrational she gets when consumed by those negative emotions.

And everytime she suggests it, I do what she asked me to do and remind her of all the reasons she hated the business. And she'll say, well what if I only see the clients that I actually liked? To which I reply, that was never the core issue - the issue was internal. I had her write a list of things she hated about providing a long time ago, and have it stored on a word file. When she talks about getting back in, I make her read it, and when she sees her own words there on the screen, she changes her mind quickly.

Emotionally she's doing better, or else she's gone back to hiding it like she did before. The self-loathing shit has definitely dwindled to a minimum. Now she mainly struggles with her inability to provide for herself. She definitely misses the independence and freedom that her former income allowed. Makes a lot of plans to do this that or the other thing, back to school- get a job-  but ultimately hasn't done shit to improve that situation. She's in a rut - can't wrap her head around the idea of doing anything for less than six-figures. She's as shrewd and savvy as any hustler ever was, but not very book smart.    

As for us, we broke up going on a year ago now. She was depending on me way to much for her happiness and it wore me the fuck out. The split did her good, forced her to cope with shit on her own. She fought through it, learned some things about herself, took inventory, found out as long as she has a pulse, shit ain't so bad. Though financially, she hasn't got a pot to piss in and after a short time, she moved back in with me.

We still live together now, raising our kid together in the same house so our kid gets to feel like mommy and daddy are still together, but what we are effectively is roommates, and friends.

She has no bills to worry about, and always has food to eat, but aside from that I don't give her a dime because I'm trying to keep her codependance to a minimum. But at the same time, I'm watching her go batshit over her lack of funds. being stuck in the house all the time, wanting for things, badly.

It's a catch 22 for me. I'm not going to put the mother of my child out on the street, period. I want her to get her shit together and be a normal functioning adult. If I do more for her than I already am, I'm inabling her codependance. But sooner or later, if she doesn't figure out another plan, I know she'll end up right back HERE - and the cycle will just repeat itself all over again.

Her looks are as flawless as they ever were and she can still talk a good game. I don't doubt she'd find this just a lucrative as before. I woudn't knock it at all if I thought for even a second she could handle it, but I have no such confidence, and she's made it apparent, that neither does she.

Eitherway, if she ever comes to a point where she adamantly insists on coming back, she'll have her way. I'm not her daddy and I'm not going to tell a grown ass woman how to run her life. She's free to fuck up as she sees fit.

For my part, I've moved on and am not looking back. I'll do what I can to help her land on her feet, and will always wish the best for her, but I see her heading in the opposite direction of where I'm trying to go in life. I'm too damn young to let my growth as a person be stunted by someone who lacks the capacity to move forward. It may sound cold, but I wasted years thinking we were going to travel down that road together, and now she's just running in circles. Love has it's limits, ya know? Besides, my kid needs at least one parent whose sanity is halfway in tact, and unfortunately I'm the closest thing she's got to one. Dealing with her mother has a way of making me lose my grip on it.              

Not exactly a "happy ending", but it could have ended much worse...well then again...the ending hasn't really been written yet.

My wife has serous self esteem issues do to a very traumatic past. Thing is I am not much healthier but I put myself together for her and my son. When her business failed all of her old doubts and self hatred returned. To make herself feel better she returned to this business as she built her self esteem on her sexual skills which is a very hollow thing to give one value. There is defiantly some similarities between your ex and my wife. She is getting help as am I but not much has changed. I am burning out quickly. I don't know how long I can hold my family together. She helped me went I was at the end of my rope so I owe her the same. I was hoping for a happier ending but life seldom gives you those. Thank you for sharing.

Hotel clerk practically had the magic underwear showing through his uniform.  So nice and polite.  Unfortunately, I vomited all over the rug.  Apparently, I'm allergic to the little buggers.  Who knew?

I completely get where you are coming from.  I recently met a UTR low volume provider with whom I click on so many levels.  When we are together, it is liike a genuine relationship in the good stage where two people are excited about each other and can't take their hands off each other.  I cannot begin to describe how wonderful she makes me feel and I think of her constantly.  That being said....I am paying full price for her services, and she is not cheap lemme tell ya.  

If this really were a civie relationship, I could easily fall for this woman.  As it is...I fight it.  She is an independant woman with another career outside the hobby and wants to keep it that way.  She has experienced the crazy, possessive, boyfriend thing multiple times, does not want to repeat it, and has issues with relationships in part because of that (and probably for reasons I know nothing about).   Like me, it seems some of her physical (and possibly emotional) needs are met via our NSA provider-client relationship.  However, though I've told her how much our time together means to me and how absolutely wonderful it is (and she has responded in kind)  that is as far as it goes.  We have not shared feelings beyond that and likely never will.  

This board is a pretty good place to vent because no other venue exists for some of us.  I have no one I can talk to about such things so occassionally I do it here.  Just writing about it makes ya feel better even if the responses don't.  

I will tell ya that even though I truly cherish what this woman and I have shared....I know in my heart that it a business arrangement.  That realization keeps me from drifting into the stage that you've described.  I'm confident she's made her other clients feel wonderful about their experience with her too.  Intellectually, I know I'm not really "special" even though she makes me feel that way.  

I wish you the best....but I've gotta be honest.  I think, given the issues this woman has, you're in for a world of hurt when the emotions die down and the newness fades.  I remind myself of that often to keep me from venturing where you now reside.  Even still, this is danagerous stuff and no one is totally immune.  We are all here for a reason.    



 

But probably it's time to marry her.  A much greater love is needed to overcome the demons perhaps.

I just met a very nice girl and turn out she has a long rap sheet you wouldn't believe.  These girls always have a dark side or they won't be in these positions. Like you, I'm intending to help her turn her life around as a felon (first offense).  Sigh !